The Surprising Power Of Non-Reactivity, with Cathy Cioth

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

The morning of our move, the pods were in the driveway, my dad had shown up ready to work, and my son was barely awake and in no shape to lift a box. Half an hour in, he asked if we were almost done. I felt the butterflies start up in my chest, and within seconds I was matching his drama word for word, with my dad standing right there taking it all in.

Cathy has her own version of that moment - and I’m sure you do as well. We can laugh about it now, but both of us spent years believing we were responding to our kids when we were really just adding fuel to their fire.

This episode is about non-reactivity, the piece of the Invitation to Change approach that I think quietly gets left behind while we focus on more concrete things like boundaries and natural consequences. Chaos needs two participants, so when you stop supplying your half, something shifts, and it has nothing to do with controlling your child.

Cathy and I talk about where reactivity shows up in your body before your brain catches up, why the rules every "good family" follows can pull you into the wrong fight, and what to do when the demands and gaslighting leave you wondering who the parent is in your house. We also talk about safety, because sometimes that pounding heart is telling you something real.

And we re-share a line from our friend Dina Cannizzaro that I think every parent should memorize. Put it on a sticky note, or your forearm, or bathroom mirror - it’s pure gold.

If your home has started to revolve around your child's moods and you’re tired of losing the same argument over and over, this one is for you.

YOU'LL LEARN:

• What Cathy and I each finally did mid-blowup that changed the relationship dynamics
• The early warning signs your body sends before you say something you regret
• Why the small things you care about most can be the perfect distraction for your kid
• Two questions to ask yourself when you feel triggered, and why one of them is about your safety
• The powerful line Dina recommends to step away from a fight without walking away from your child

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Hopestream podcast episode 297 with Dina Cannizzaro

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