Anger: The Emotion You’re Not Supposed To Feel But Definitely Do

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

There's an emotion most of us are carrying that we don't talk about, because we're pretty sure we're not allowed to feel it. Anger. Anger at where our kid's choices have led our family. Anger at what they're doing to themselves. And underneath it, a heavy layer of guilt for feeling any of it at all.

In this solo episode, I'm getting honest about it, starting with a distinction that changes everything: anger at your child is not the same as anger at the situation. One of them usually isn't anger at all. It's grief wearing a really convincing mask, and it needs a completely different response.

There's a cultural script that says good parents don't get angry at a struggling kid. We're supposed to be endlessly patient, compassionate, calm. I have yet to meet one person who pulls that off all the time. So the anger goes underground, and it leaks out sideways: sarcasm, silence, blowups over nothing, or shame that quietly eats at you while you look perfectly fine on the outside.

I'm also telling you my McDonald's parking lot story, the day my anger completely took the wheel and I said things to my son I never meant. I'm not exempt from any of this. Nobody is.

Then I'll walk you through a different way to see anger entirely, one that turns it from something that owns you into something that informs you, plus real things you can do with it starting today.

If you've been carrying anger and beating yourself up for feeling it, come listen. You are so.not.alone.

YOU'LL LEARN

• The one distinction that determines whether your anger needs a boundary or something much softer
• Where buried anger actually goes, and who ends up paying the price for it
• A reframe that turns anger from a character flaw into useful information
• What happened in a McDonald's parking lot that taught me how emotional reactivity can wreck a moment (or longer)
• How to tell the difference between releasing your anger and just avoiding it

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• The Dance of Anger, Harriet Lerner
• Hopestream Resources
• Episode 174

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