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Speaker 1: my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can

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Speaker 1: experience on Purpose in person. Join me in a city

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Speaker 1: near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It

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Speaker 1: could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO

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Speaker 1: or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth,

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Speaker 1: Head to Jaysheddy dot me forward slash Tour and get

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Speaker 1: yours today. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. Today's

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Speaker 1: episode is a little different because instead of hosting, I'm

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Speaker 1: the guest. I joined Tinks on her show Office Hours

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Speaker 1: for a deep and insightful conversation where I am and

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Speaker 1: says some of the most thought provoking questions about relationships, dating,

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Speaker 1: and the stresses of life. I always love these conversations

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Speaker 1: because I feel like the questions that she's asking me

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Speaker 1: are what some of you are asking me. It's what

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Speaker 1: you're worried about. It's what you're thinking about. So, if

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Speaker 1: you're struggling with dating right now, if you're struggling with

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Speaker 1: your relationships right now, if you're struggling with a breakup,

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Speaker 1: this episode is for you. If you're navigating a big

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Speaker 1: life decision, a big life transition, feeling overwhelmed with the

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Speaker 1: news and what's happening around you, this episode is for you.

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Speaker 1: I hope you enjoy it. The number one health and wellness.

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Speaker 2: Podcast, Jay Sheetty, Jay Sheetty Shetty, Welcome to office hours.

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Speaker 2: It's so nice to have you on.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for having me. I'm so grateful to be here.

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Speaker 2: This is so exciting. God, I love Calm. I have

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Speaker 2: to say I love that app, even though I'm not

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Speaker 2: a meditator. Will get into that later. I have to

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Speaker 2: say that app is like one of the most used

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Speaker 2: on my phone. How has that experience been for you?

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Speaker 1: That makes me so happy? Yeah. I joined Calm as

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Speaker 1: their Chief purpose Officer three years ago now, and it

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Speaker 1: all came from this beautiful friendship I had with the

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Speaker 1: founders of Calm so Michael Acton Smith and Alex They

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Speaker 1: both founded the app, and we kept hearing from both

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Speaker 1: our worlds that I should connect with them, and they

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Speaker 1: were hearing that they should connected with me, and we

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Speaker 1: got together and it's been incredible to record a seven

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Speaker 1: minute meditation five days a week, every week for the

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Speaker 1: last three years. Wow. And so if someone wants to

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Speaker 1: build a meditation practice, there's seven minutes a day set

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Speaker 1: up for you every single day.

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Speaker 2: That's so cool. That's pretty fazing. Do you do you

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Speaker 2: are you sort of like a consultant as well for them?

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Speaker 2: Do they bounce ideas off of you?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll discuss everything from what we're expanding with, how

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Speaker 1: the brain's looking and looking at health right now. We've

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Speaker 1: been have so many amazing conversations. I'm so proud of.

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Speaker 1: I mean, what we've been able to create together, but

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Speaker 1: what they've done, because it's really showed us how meditation

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Speaker 1: can be stories, can be walks, and can be practicing

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Speaker 1: so true. And that's what I loved. I didn't want

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Speaker 1: people to have this limited view of what meditation was.

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Speaker 1: I wanted them to have this really practical and live

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Speaker 1: view of it. I know, it's incredible to see that.

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Speaker 2: It's funny that you say that, because I'm someone who's like,

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Speaker 2: you know, when you have a pet and you have

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Speaker 2: to put their medicine in peanut butter to get them

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Speaker 2: to eat the pelt.

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Speaker 3: Like that's me.

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Speaker 2: With meditation, I'm like, I don't meditate, you know, I

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Speaker 2: don't meditate. It's too hard for me. But with Calm,

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Speaker 2: I actually am able to I do it because that's

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Speaker 2: what meditating is. It's you know, breath work and thinking

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Speaker 2: about you know, clearing your mind.

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Speaker 3: But I really need the Call app. So that's so interesting.

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Speaker 2: We can actually dive in right there, Like, what do

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Speaker 2: you recommend for someone who is stuck with meditation aside

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Speaker 2: from Calm, or talk about a little bit more about

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Speaker 2: Calm who thinks that meditation simply won't work for them,

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Speaker 2: Because I guess that's.

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Speaker 3: Kind of me.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I do Calm. I use the I like

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Speaker 2: the sleep going to Sleep ones. Every single night. I

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Speaker 2: listen to it and if I'm anxious on the plane,

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Speaker 2: I listened. There's a lot of great short ones on

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Speaker 2: the app for someone who wants to really get into meditation,

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Speaker 2: who feels stuck.

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Speaker 3: What would you say?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I find it so funny when people come up

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Speaker 1: to me and they're like, you put me to bed

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Speaker 1: every night, And I love that feeling. Yeah, yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: such a nice feeling and having that intimate space with someone.

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Speaker 1: But for anyone who's struggling with meditation, the first thing

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Speaker 1: I'd say is everyone struggles with meditation. It's almost like

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Speaker 1: trying to work out.

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Speaker 2: I feel like you would never I imagine you can

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Speaker 2: meditate for just like perfectly, and you're so good at it.

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Speaker 2: And sometimes I even think about when I see like

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Speaker 2: you on Instagram or whatever, I'm like, that guy meditates

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Speaker 2: so well and I know it, but it's just it's hard.

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Speaker 1: It's been nearly twenty years. I better meditate.

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Speaker 2: Well now, I know, but I just I automatically think

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Speaker 2: of the to do list. When I try to do

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Speaker 2: it with no call map, I'm like, oh my god,

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Speaker 2: I have to call the plumber.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, I have to do that, and it's

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Speaker 3: just so hard to kick into it.

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Speaker 2: But I really love calm, So maybe it's about marrying

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Speaker 2: the two.

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Speaker 1: So I want to I want to share a few things.

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Speaker 1: The first thing is that there's three types in that dea.

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Speaker 1: There's breath work, there's visualization, and there's mantra. And I'll

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Speaker 1: explain all three and I was trained in all three

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Speaker 1: during my time as a monk, and so I love

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Speaker 1: helping it be a menu for people because I think

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Speaker 1: sometimes people just don't know where to start. And so

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Speaker 1: I remember my first day in the monastery in India

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Speaker 1: and I saw a young monk teaching younger monks how

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Speaker 1: to meditate. And so I walked up to this young

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Speaker 1: monk and asked him, what are you doing and he said,

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Speaker 1: it's their first day of school. I'm teaching them how

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Speaker 1: to breathe. And I said okay, And he said what

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Speaker 1: did you learn on your first day of school? And

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Speaker 1: I said maybe one, two, three, ABC, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: And he said, well, here, we teach them how to breathe,

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Speaker 1: because the only thing that stays with you from the

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Speaker 1: moment you're born to the moment you die is your breath.

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Speaker 1: And he said everything else changes, your family, your friends,

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Speaker 1: where you live, all of that can change, but the

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Speaker 1: breath stays with you that whole time. And then he

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Speaker 1: said to me, what changes when you're happy your breath?

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Speaker 1: What changes when you're sad your breath? What changes when

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Speaker 1: you're late your breath? What changes when you're angry? Your breath?

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Speaker 1: And he said, every emotion in your life is connected

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Speaker 1: to your breath. So if you learn to master your breath,

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Speaker 1: you learn to master life. Now he was ten years

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Speaker 1: old and something like that, like ten eleven years old

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Speaker 1: and sharing all this wisdom. And the reason why I

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Speaker 1: love that story is because you stop looking at meditation

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Speaker 1: as this thing you have to do, and you recognize

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Speaker 1: it's actually a way of living. It's who you are.

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Speaker 1: You have your breath. And if you look at the

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Speaker 1: best athletes, the best musicians, the best people out there

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Speaker 1: in the world doing incredible things, they've all learned to

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Speaker 1: master their breath. You can't run for that long without

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Speaker 1: knowing your breath. You can't play a wind instrument for

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Speaker 1: that long without mastering your breath. And when you look

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Speaker 1: at it that way, you recognize we're all athletes. We

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Speaker 1: all require and demand so much of our bodies. And

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Speaker 1: so for anyone who's struggling to start with meditation, my

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Speaker 1: tiny request is just notice how you inhale, and notice

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Speaker 1: how you exhl. And so if we in hell together

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Speaker 1: right now, things together, you could probably feel something happening

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Speaker 1: in your nostrils. You can feel the change of your body.

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Speaker 1: And the practice I like people to get comfortable with

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Speaker 1: is as you're listening to this if you can. Of course,

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Speaker 1: if you're driving, don't do this, or if you're on

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Speaker 1: the treadmill, maybe you don't do this. But place your

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Speaker 1: left palm on your stomach, and as you breathe in,

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Speaker 1: feel your stomach come out, and as you breathe out,

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Speaker 1: feel your stomach go in. As you breathe in, feel

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Speaker 1: your stomach go out, and as you breathe out, feel

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Speaker 1: your stomach go in. Now things, were you thinking about

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Speaker 1: what you're going to eat later?

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Speaker 3: No, I wasn't think it was.

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Speaker 1: You went right. And what's beautiful about it is we

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Speaker 1: use the sense of touch. So we were touching our stomachs.

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Speaker 1: We could feel something changing. And I think sometimes we

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Speaker 1: think meditations in the mind, but what I like to

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Speaker 1: remind people is that meditation is a very physical, feelable thing.

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Speaker 1: And so both of us there for a second felt

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Speaker 1: everything stop, felt everything slowed down, and felt disconnected even

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Speaker 1: from the space we were in. And so use all

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Speaker 1: your senses. Light some incense if you like, so that

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Speaker 1: the sense of smell is engaged. Hold your stomach, hold

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Speaker 1: on to something if that helps you feel connected. Don't

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Speaker 1: feel like you have to do it all in your head.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Wow, No, it's so true.

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Speaker 2: That's my favorite part of the sleeping meditation that I

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Speaker 2: do it from the call map is like breathing, you know,

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Speaker 2: then hold and breathe out. And it's crazy, the power

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Speaker 2: of breath because even just doing those two breaths now

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Speaker 2: did calm me down, kind of refocus, like I was

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Speaker 2: running from something. I'm kind of you know, mine's all

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Speaker 2: over the place as usual, We're all doing a million

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Speaker 2: things and we don't think about breathing that much and

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Speaker 2: we don't focus on it. But it's incredible the power

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Speaker 2: of just a few breaths that can transform your moment absolutely.

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Speaker 1: Our usual experience of life is our mind is moving

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Speaker 1: fast and our body is sitting still. So true, our

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Speaker 1: mind is racing from the moment we're up and our

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Speaker 1: body is sitting in a chair. And what meditation teaches

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Speaker 1: you to do is still your mind so that you

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Speaker 1: can move your body. Yeah, and that's what we need

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Speaker 1: to get to. We need to get to a place

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Speaker 1: where we're moving our bodies still in our mind as

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Speaker 1: opposed to the other way around. Yeah, and I completely

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Speaker 1: agree with you that if anyone I think the best

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Speaker 1: time to use it is use it when you feel

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Speaker 1: like you just rush to jump onto that train, or

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Speaker 1: when you were just rushing into that uber, or when

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Speaker 1: you were just rushing into a meeting. Take a second

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Speaker 1: to just do three deep in heals and excels, and

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden, you'll start to gain confidence in it.

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Speaker 1: I think people think meditation has to be something you

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Speaker 1: do outside of your real life. I think about it

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Speaker 1: completely the opposite. I do it in the back of ubers,

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Speaker 1: I do it when I'm on trains, I do it

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Speaker 1: when I'm running into a meeting and I'm feeling out

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Speaker 1: of breath or late. I'm doing it in my life,

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Speaker 1: and I think that's a great way to start because

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Speaker 1: it builds your confidence. It gives you some momentum rather

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Speaker 1: than oh I haven't meditated today. Yes, it's like, no,

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Speaker 1: I just used breath because my breathing was faster, shallow,

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Speaker 1: and more random when I was feeling tired, anxious or nervous. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: No, okay, Well, so maybe I do meditate a little bit,

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Speaker 2: Because I do. I have been doing that lately.

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Speaker 3: I do.

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Speaker 2: I try to do three really just intentional breaths, because

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Speaker 2: you know, with the phone, our minds are really it's

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Speaker 2: a lot, like there's this trend on social media right

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Speaker 2: now where people are like, unfortunately, my brain can no

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Speaker 2: longer tell the difference between getting an email and being

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Speaker 2: chased by a bear. And it's like, I totally feel that,

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Speaker 2: you know, and I feel like our nervous systems are

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Speaker 2: kind of all out of whack.

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Speaker 3: We're looking at the phone all the time.

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Speaker 2: We're obsessed with the news updates and everything, and it's like,

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Speaker 2: and you're right, And usually we're sitting in a car,

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Speaker 2: or we're sitting in our desk or whatever, and you

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Speaker 2: start to freak out, and then you just go, Okay,

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Speaker 2: now I'm here. I'm going to do three breaths, and

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Speaker 2: I'm going to move on on that point. I do

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Speaker 2: want to ask you, there is just twenty four to

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Speaker 2: seven news. It's a bombardment, a lot of negativity, and

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Speaker 2: a lot I know a lot of people in my

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Speaker 2: community are feeling super super overwhelmed right now. So, aside

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Speaker 2: from intentional breathing meditation, how would you suggest people dose

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Speaker 2: themselves on the news or how do you personally filter

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Speaker 2: the information you receive so that you're informed but you're

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Speaker 2: not freaking out?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? I think I read something that said, we're exposed

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Speaker 1: to more tragedy in twenty four hours today than we

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Speaker 1: were in our whole lifetime twenty five years ago. That's crazy,

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Speaker 1: and if you think about that for a second, it

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Speaker 1: feels true. We consume around thirty four gigabytes of data

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Speaker 1: per day. Do you remember when your hard drive wasn't

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Speaker 1: even one gigabyte? And when you're looking at that, just

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Speaker 1: to make it make sense for people, I read an

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Speaker 1: article that was saying, that's like reading one hundred thousand

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Speaker 1: words every day.

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Speaker 3: It's crazy.

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Speaker 1: It's like watching twenty five episodes of Stranger Things in

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Speaker 1: one day, just back to back to back. So we're

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Speaker 1: consuming so much information, and like you said, not all

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Speaker 1: of its help. A lot of it's news, notifications, negativity, noise,

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Speaker 1: and I call these the four ends. They put us

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Speaker 1: into a minus state. Every time a notification comes in,

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Speaker 1: you're like minus one energy. Negativity comes in minus two energy,

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Speaker 1: news comes in minus three energy, and the rest of

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Speaker 1: the day you're literally climbing back up to Zero's actually

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Speaker 1: how I feel. That's how you feel right. You feel inundated,

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Speaker 1: and you almost feel buried by these four ends. You

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Speaker 1: feel buried by notifications, negativity, news and noise. So what

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Speaker 1: do you do about it? For me? And I know

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Speaker 1: this sounds bizarre, but it has changed my life and

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Speaker 1: I have to bring it up. There has to be

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Speaker 1: a way that the first five minutes of your day

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Speaker 1: are not on your phone, okay, And whether that's getting

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Speaker 1: a hatch, which is what I've been using right next

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Speaker 1: to my bedside, which has this natural light alarm that

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Speaker 1: wakes you up. And again, I hate the word alarm.

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Speaker 1: Let's just think about this for a second. The only

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Speaker 1: time an alarm helps you is when there's a fire

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Speaker 1: or and there's something going wrong, which means the fact

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Speaker 1: that you wake up to an alarm or an alert

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Speaker 1: means something bad's about to happen. So if your alarm

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Speaker 1: tone doesn't fill you with calm or fill you with stillness,

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Speaker 1: change it. The second thing I'd say is that morning

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Speaker 1: five minutes, thirty minutes if you can, is so powerful,

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Speaker 1: And I'll tell you why. Your brain's just waking up.

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Speaker 1: You would never let one hundred people into the bedroom

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Speaker 1: of your mind, right, Just think about that for a second.

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Speaker 1: You would never let one hundred people into your bedroom

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Speaker 1: before you've brushed your teeth, washed your hair, or put

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Speaker 1: on your makeup. But me and you, all of us,

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Speaker 1: let in a one hundred people into the bedroom of

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Speaker 1: our mind as soon as we pick up our phone. Now,

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden, imagine a hundred people, your family,

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Speaker 1: your friends, your boss, crowded around your bed, yelling things

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Speaker 1: at you. Did you get that report in? Oh? What

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Speaker 1: do you think of this picture I'm about to post.

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Speaker 1: Oh you forgot to wish your uncle a happy birthday? Right,

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Speaker 1: whatever it is? And all of a sudden, everyone's yelling

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Speaker 1: at you, and your days starting on a negative, your

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Speaker 1: day starting on being reactive. So what I try and

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Speaker 1: focus on doing, especially with news, because that's what your

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Speaker 1: question was about. I believe it's so important that news

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Speaker 1: doesn't find us. Wow. I think we live in a

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Speaker 1: world where most of us don't find news or look

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Speaker 1: for news. News finds us, which means it appears on

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Speaker 1: our feed. It means we have the news channel on

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Speaker 1: our television at home or on a screen open on

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Speaker 1: our laptop without us even wanting it. We don't go

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Speaker 1: in search for it. It's just there in the back

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Speaker 1: ground of our life. And if news is the background

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Speaker 1: of your life, tragedy is at the forefront of your life.

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Speaker 1: That's the first thing you're seeing. And so what I'd

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Speaker 1: say to people is be really clear about who you

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Speaker 1: get your news from, what time of day you feel

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Speaker 1: comfortable consuming news. When someone tells me their of anxiety,

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Speaker 1: the first two questions I asked them is what did

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Speaker 1: you watch last night? Wow? And when did you last

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Speaker 1: consume the news? Those are the telltale signs. They tell

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Speaker 1: me they watched a murder mystery last night or something

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Speaker 1: like that, or some true crime, and then they tell

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Speaker 1: me they just check the news. So I'm not telling

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Speaker 1: you to not be informed. We're trying to save you

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Speaker 1: from being overwhelmed. So for me, I find the time

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Speaker 1: I'm best at dealing with the news is three hours

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Speaker 1: after I've woken up, okay, because that gives me the

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Speaker 1: time to set my day up so that I have

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Speaker 1: a strong foundation and a strong place from which to

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Speaker 1: process difficult sad, tough, challenging news, as opposed to if

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Speaker 1: I'm looking at it immediately now, I'm already thinking, gosh,

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Speaker 1: today's going to be the worst day. This is terrible.

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Speaker 1: Where's everything going. I haven't had a moment and it's

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Speaker 1: almost like thinking about it from the perspective of when

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Speaker 1: do you feel comfortable dealing with something challenging, When do

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Speaker 1: you feel strong enough to say, Okay, I'm ready to

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Speaker 1: deal with the day now. And I think for me

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Speaker 1: that takes three hours to do it, and I don't

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Speaker 1: try and do it just before I go to bed either,

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Speaker 1: because that's really challenging. So pick who you read your

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Speaker 1: news from. Find your news, don't let it find you.

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Speaker 1: Be really clear about what type of news. Do you

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Speaker 1: like social media news or do you actually prefer reading

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Speaker 1: news from a website? And do you like watching the

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Speaker 1: news on TV? Or are you someone who actually just

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Speaker 1: wants to read a newsletter. I think it's so important

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Speaker 1: that we trade and make these choices rather than letting

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Speaker 1: the news bombards when it wants, how it wants, or

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Speaker 1: wherever it wants.

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Speaker 3: That was really helpful practical advice.

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Speaker 2: I really like finding the news versus letting it find you,

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Speaker 2: because I've personally been struggling with that too, and I

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Speaker 2: really really like that.

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Speaker 3: And the timing thing.

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Speaker 2: I'm really bad about the phone first thing in the morning,

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Speaker 2: and I need to fix that because it's just a

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Speaker 2: It is such a clear difference when you don't do

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Speaker 2: the phone first thing, you feel better.

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Speaker 3: And you know, we lie to ourselves.

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Speaker 2: We say, oh, well, maybe something happened overnight that I

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Speaker 2: need to know.

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Speaker 3: Nothing happened. Nothing, It's exactly what you said.

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Speaker 2: It's you forgot to wish your uncle happy birthday, your

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Speaker 2: boss needs something.

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Speaker 3: Nothing happened like you would know.

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Speaker 2: And I think that's a big lie I tell myself,

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Speaker 2: and I really want to be better about that, and.

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Speaker 1: We all do that. I empathize with that thing, so like,

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Speaker 1: I think that's real, especially for those of us who

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Speaker 1: live away from family, who are not close. And I

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Speaker 1: know my wife feels that way. Yeah, it's a real thing.

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Speaker 1: So I want to validate that. I don't think it's

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Speaker 1: makes you weak or not strong. I think we all

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Speaker 1: have that. Yeah, And I think the reality is, let's

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Speaker 1: find a way of getting that news, that very very

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Speaker 1: important news. Whether it is you going back to having

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Speaker 1: a landline, or whether it is you having two separate phones,

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Speaker 1: one you wake up with near your bed that only

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Speaker 1: your emergency contact and your family member has access to

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Speaker 1: and nothing else is on there. There's ways of doing

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Speaker 1: it in a way that protects us and protects the

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Speaker 1: people we love, so I don't want to invalidate that

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Speaker 1: feeling because that's real as well.

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Speaker 3: Totally okay.

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Speaker 2: So on the topic of morning routines, I feel like

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Speaker 2: you're a guy who has a very I need to

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Speaker 2: know in detail the morning routine, like aside from no phone,

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Speaker 2: walk me through waking up the first hour couple hours.

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Speaker 1: So I'll walk you through my morning routine and then

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Speaker 1: I'll break it down into how I think people can

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Speaker 1: use it, okay, their life, because I don't think my

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Speaker 1: morning routine should be a standard, and no one's morning

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Speaker 1: routine should be a standard. So I wake up around

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Speaker 1: six am every day. That's my time that I feel

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Speaker 1: happy and comfortable doing consistently. That's five days a week.

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Speaker 1: I always look at every routine in my life as

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Speaker 1: five days a week. I don't believe it has to

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Speaker 1: apply to my weekends because I feel that there's a

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Speaker 1: recovery and rest that's massively needed on a weekend or

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Speaker 1: whatever your weekend tends to be. So I wake up

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Speaker 1: at six am, I'm usually in my meditation room meditating

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Speaker 1: by six fifteen, and so sixty six fifteen is brushing

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Speaker 1: my teeth, showering, just getting ready putting on some comfy clothes.

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Speaker 1: And for me, the thing that's helped me most in

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Speaker 1: the morning is I have a little post it note

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Speaker 1: next to my bed, and I'll put different questions on

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Speaker 1: it that means something to me. So the first thing

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Speaker 1: I see in the morning is a question, and the

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Speaker 1: questions as simple as what are you grateful for today?

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Speaker 1: Or the question is what are you excited about today?

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Speaker 1: Or the question is how are you feeling? And what

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Speaker 1: I find is those questions allow me to start off

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Speaker 1: the day proactively about me rather than reactively to everything

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Speaker 1: I have to do. And so those post it notes

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Speaker 1: remind me to be before I do anything. Who do

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Speaker 1: I want to be? What is my being about today?

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Speaker 1: The question could say who what are you hoping to

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Speaker 1: channel today? And I can say love or kindness, whatever

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Speaker 1: it may be, And all of a sudden, I'm set

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Speaker 1: for the day. And then I'll put on some It

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Speaker 1: could be bird sounds, it could be Montra music, it

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Speaker 1: could be something that's super calming, almost like spa music,

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Speaker 1: Like I'll be literally getting ready to that, and then

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Speaker 1: six fifteen I'm meditating. So I meditate for one and

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Speaker 1: a half hours to two hours every day. Usually an

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Speaker 1: hour a half ins in the morning, So six fifteen

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Speaker 1: to seven forty five I'm measured meditating, and then eight

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Speaker 1: am I start working out, and so aight am to

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Speaker 1: nine am I'm working out. That's changed over time. It

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Speaker 1: used to be tennis, it's been pickaball, it was hiking.

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Speaker 1: Now it's strength training because every podcast guest I talk

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Speaker 1: to keeps talking about value of strength, and I'm in

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Speaker 1: that decade that everything back is in. So all I've

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Speaker 1: been doing is strength training for the past six months

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Speaker 1: now probably consistently, but three probably really consistently. And so

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Speaker 1: that becomes an hour and then nine am I start.

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Speaker 1: I eat some breakfast and start my day. And it's

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Speaker 1: a savory breakfast because I've had too many guests talk

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Speaker 1: about glucose spikes, so my whole life is a savory breakfast.

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Speaker 1: So by nine am, that's when I feel I have

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Speaker 1: a strong foundation to stop my day. I love that.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I know, I so many people talk about the

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Speaker 2: savory breakfast.

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Speaker 1: It's huge.

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Speaker 2: It's huge, I know. And again you feel you feel

435
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:17,040
Speaker 2: the difference.

436
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:18,439
Speaker 3: I think, you know.

437
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,919
Speaker 2: The annoying thing about all of this stuff is that

438
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,320
Speaker 2: it really does work. And then so it's just like,

439
00:21:24,119 --> 00:21:26,199
Speaker 2: you know, I try to be so real with my

440
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:29,800
Speaker 2: community and pass on these tips and talk to experts

441
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:32,960
Speaker 2: like you, but you know, sometimes you fall off and

442
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:34,920
Speaker 2: that's okay. And then so I really like what you

443
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,800
Speaker 2: said about the weekends too, because I think when you're

444
00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:40,280
Speaker 2: only looking at something for doing it five days or

445
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:42,760
Speaker 2: four days or whatever, you know, your week looks like

446
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,000
Speaker 2: it's nice because then you have a little bit of

447
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:46,560
Speaker 2: that Lily way.

448
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:48,200
Speaker 3: Time and it's okay, it's it's okay.

449
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:52,240
Speaker 2: I think with all of these practices that are, you know,

450
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:55,520
Speaker 2: aimed to make us feel better, I think the point

451
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,480
Speaker 2: is they have to make us feel better. So it's like,

452
00:21:57,560 --> 00:22:01,320
Speaker 2: if your routine is getting to point where you know

453
00:22:01,359 --> 00:22:04,480
Speaker 2: it's not sustainable, you guys, it's okay to be like, Okay,

454
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:05,399
Speaker 2: well I need to change this.

455
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,040
Speaker 3: I need an extra half hour of sleep.

456
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:09,520
Speaker 2: I like what you said about you know, that's when

457
00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:11,600
Speaker 2: you're comfortable, you know, you have to figure it out,

458
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,719
Speaker 2: and that's it also changes over time too, So I

459
00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:15,280
Speaker 2: like that.

460
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:17,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, you want it to be the exception and not

461
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:19,760
Speaker 1: the rule, right, I look at it as seventy percent. Yeah,

462
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:22,040
Speaker 1: I want seventy percent of my week to be as

463
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:25,120
Speaker 1: optimal as healthy as possible. Yeah, and then the twenty

464
00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:28,080
Speaker 1: five to thirty percent that's left over, I'm okay for

465
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:30,280
Speaker 1: that to be more mixed up. So five days a

466
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:32,520
Speaker 1: week I'll have a savory breakfast. It does make a

467
00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:36,280
Speaker 1: difference as someone coming from a former sugar addict, right, Like,

468
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:39,680
Speaker 1: I used to wake up wanting to eat a sugary

469
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:42,359
Speaker 1: breakfast and then eat something sugary at lunch and then

470
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:45,320
Speaker 1: have something sugar in the evening. Having a savory breakfast

471
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:49,320
Speaker 1: has completely curved that desire, and it's setting me up

472
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:51,720
Speaker 1: not to have those crazy crashes later on in the day,

473
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:54,160
Speaker 1: and now my energy is actually sustained throughout the day

474
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:54,600
Speaker 1: as well.

475
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:56,000
Speaker 3: I love Glucose Goddess.

476
00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:56,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, me too.

477
00:22:56,840 --> 00:23:00,119
Speaker 2: Love Jesse her book and like I you know, that

478
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:03,240
Speaker 2: is something I haven't meta in person, but her teachings

479
00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:05,520
Speaker 2: really had an impact on the way that I eat.

480
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,280
Speaker 2: And again, I've fallen off right now, I'm kind of

481
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:10,359
Speaker 2: in an off period, but just having that knowledge is

482
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:11,320
Speaker 2: so helpful.

483
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:13,560
Speaker 3: I really think she's smart.

484
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:14,240
Speaker 1: I agree.

485
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:15,840
Speaker 3: Okay, Switching gears a little bit.

486
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:19,920
Speaker 2: You have this super super successful podcast.

487
00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:22,439
Speaker 3: What's one interview that took you by surprise.

488
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:23,840
Speaker 1: I'm waiting for you to come on, Thanes.

489
00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:25,359
Speaker 3: Okay, I know we need to do it.

490
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:28,040
Speaker 1: We need to do it here, come on, say that again.

491
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:28,359
Speaker 1: What's it?

492
00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:31,160
Speaker 2: What's an interview or a guest that took you by surprise?

493
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:35,120
Speaker 1: Ooh, that's a great question. Who took me by surprise?

494
00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:40,200
Speaker 1: I'd say the person who took me most by surprise

495
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:44,080
Speaker 1: was Brian Chesky, who's the founder of Airbnb and this

496
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:48,600
Speaker 1: year of Airbnb. And the reason is because I thought

497
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:53,200
Speaker 1: that he might have the archetype of a tech founder. Yeah,

498
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:55,800
Speaker 1: because that's what he's done. And so I wasn't sure,

499
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:58,480
Speaker 1: and I tried very hard to not go in to

500
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:01,680
Speaker 1: any interview having any judge. But at the same time,

501
00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:04,439
Speaker 1: there's a certain archetype that you expect to meet or

502
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:07,479
Speaker 1: that you expect to converse with. And when I met him,

503
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:11,959
Speaker 1: I realized that he's an artist and a design in

504
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:13,800
Speaker 1: a tech person's body. You've met Brian.

505
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:15,920
Speaker 2: I've met Brian, and it's so true. And I listened

506
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:19,040
Speaker 2: to that interview and it was a great interview. You

507
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:21,800
Speaker 2: really it was an amazing conversation between you two.

508
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,280
Speaker 1: Thank you. Yeah, it's easily one of my favorites. Because

509
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:26,359
Speaker 1: I think it shows you. I think there's a lot

510
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:28,840
Speaker 1: of people out there right now who are artists and

511
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:31,720
Speaker 1: designers who are thinking, well, I can't find a company

512
00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:34,000
Speaker 1: or a build a tech company, or I can't work

513
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:36,160
Speaker 1: at a company like that because I don't know coding

514
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:38,600
Speaker 1: or engineering. And it's like, well, no, no, no, no, no,

515
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:41,360
Speaker 1: you can be an artist in a tech company. That's

516
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:44,199
Speaker 1: what Steve Jobs was, That's what Brian Cheskey is, and

517
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:46,240
Speaker 1: that's why I love Brian so much. He reminded me

518
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:50,119
Speaker 1: of the closest thing we have to a Steve Jobs,

519
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:53,760
Speaker 1: visionary type of someone who just thinks so outside the box.

520
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:57,800
Speaker 1: He was super vulnerable about his love life, his relationships.

521
00:24:58,119 --> 00:25:00,959
Speaker 1: He's forty years old, he's a billionaire, he was looking

522
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:02,840
Speaker 1: for love and I thought it was so brave of

523
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:05,280
Speaker 1: him to be so open about that. And yeah, I

524
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:07,000
Speaker 1: love him. He's become a great friend. He's an awesome

525
00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:09,119
Speaker 1: guys so great. Yeah, that was the most surprising one.

526
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, you go really deep with your guests. Do you

527
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:15,639
Speaker 2: ever find yourself getting emotional when you're interviewing people.

528
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:20,080
Speaker 1: I can get really emotional, Like I think the most

529
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:21,879
Speaker 1: emotional I get is at weddings. I was just at

530
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:24,600
Speaker 1: my friend's wedding two weeks ago. Okay, and this was

531
00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:28,080
Speaker 1: a wedding I was just attending. But when I'm officiating weddings,

532
00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:30,600
Speaker 1: I'm so scared that I'm going to ruin the ceremony

533
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:32,920
Speaker 1: because I'm going to cry. So I've got to stand

534
00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:35,240
Speaker 1: there in my head, I'm going, don't cry, don't cry,

535
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:37,080
Speaker 1: don't cry. And that's what I do in the podcast too,

536
00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:41,920
Speaker 1: because I feel that people are so genuinely expressing something

537
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:44,040
Speaker 1: that they may never have shared somewhere else before, or

538
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:46,720
Speaker 1: it's really hard and courageous and brave of them to

539
00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:51,280
Speaker 1: go there, and my heart I almost feel like crying sometimes.

540
00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:53,119
Speaker 1: All Right, I'd have to stop myself from crying because

541
00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:56,240
Speaker 1: I'm not even crying because of what they're sharing so emotional.

542
00:25:56,280 --> 00:26:00,520
Speaker 1: It's because I respect the bravery. I respect the courage

543
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:03,719
Speaker 1: it takes to put your life out there, and you

544
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:06,320
Speaker 1: do that, I respect you for doing it. So many

545
00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:07,840
Speaker 1: of our peers, so many of our friends, do that.

546
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:10,600
Speaker 1: I respect them for doing it because it's a really

547
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:13,800
Speaker 1: courageous act. It's a really difficult thing to do. And

548
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:18,360
Speaker 1: so my tears are almost preempting the fact that when

549
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:20,200
Speaker 1: you open up. There's going to be so many different

550
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:23,480
Speaker 1: reactions and responses, and I feel really grateful that people

551
00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:27,119
Speaker 1: trust me to do that with and I mean, you know, yeah,

552
00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:30,240
Speaker 1: I think one that was amazing was Tom Holland when

553
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:31,639
Speaker 1: he opened about is Sobriety.

554
00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:33,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, that was another one I listened to.

555
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:35,600
Speaker 1: That was great, And it was just amazing because the

556
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:38,439
Speaker 1: amount the hundreds of thousands of messages we've had from

557
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:41,720
Speaker 1: that episode saying you help me or Tom helped me

558
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:45,359
Speaker 1: get through my sobriety or get back on or have

559
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:47,679
Speaker 1: more grace for myself. And then you cry because of

560
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:50,159
Speaker 1: that message because you're thinking about all the people that

561
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:53,040
Speaker 1: are affected. So there's a lot of crying in private

562
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:55,000
Speaker 1: because I know great.

563
00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:55,760
Speaker 3: I think it's great.

564
00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:58,840
Speaker 2: I think you people feel really safe with you, and

565
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:03,200
Speaker 2: I think your vulnerability like inspires vulnerability in your guests.

566
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:07,199
Speaker 3: So it's just really really really good work. Okay, So,

567
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:08,080
Speaker 3: if someone was.

568
00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:11,119
Speaker 2: New to your podcast, what's a standout interview that they

569
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:11,920
Speaker 2: should start with?

570
00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:15,920
Speaker 1: I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special

571
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572
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573
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574
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575
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576
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577
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578
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579
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:48,960
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580
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581
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582
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583
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584
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585
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586
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587
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588
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589
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590
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592
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:41,080
Speaker 1: I would have said Brian, but now they said it already.

593
00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:43,600
Speaker 3: Let me think the interviewed everyone amazing.

594
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:45,640
Speaker 1: Which one of you listen It sounds like you've been

595
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:46,200
Speaker 1: listening something.

596
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:49,160
Speaker 3: No, I think I think that.

597
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:51,120
Speaker 2: I thought that Brian was great. The Tomlin was great.

598
00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:54,240
Speaker 2: My friend Claudia was just on your podcast. This was

599
00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:56,320
Speaker 2: great and it was super vulnerable, which is the side

600
00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:58,480
Speaker 2: of her that people don't see that often.

601
00:28:58,600 --> 00:28:59,160
Speaker 3: So it is great.

602
00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:01,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, clearly amazing. She was exactly like what I was

603
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:04,920
Speaker 1: just describing. I had to hold back my tears. I'd say,

604
00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:06,800
Speaker 1: if someone was new to my podcast and they had

605
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:08,240
Speaker 1: to listen to one, it's such a great question. Let

606
00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 1: me think, I want to give a I want to

607
00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:13,640
Speaker 1: give a really thoughtful answer to one that I would

608
00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:18,440
Speaker 1: really have. Oh, there's there's a couple that I think

609
00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:22,560
Speaker 1: I really loved. One that I'd say that that stands

610
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:24,200
Speaker 1: out to me. And I say it because it was

611
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:27,640
Speaker 1: such a shifting moment for our show. It was Kendall

612
00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:30,320
Speaker 1: Jenner on the show, and it's because she hadn't really

613
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:32,960
Speaker 1: done that many interviews at that time, and she hadn't

614
00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 1: really I don't even know if she'd done a podcast

615
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:35,800
Speaker 1: at that time.

616
00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:38,160
Speaker 3: And she doesn't really and she doesn't really have.

617
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:41,360
Speaker 1: This amazing conversation, and it was such a pivotal moment

618
00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:43,959
Speaker 1: for the show it that it stands out for me,

619
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:45,480
Speaker 1: and so I'd say, listen to that one.

620
00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:49,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, who's someone you haven't interviewed?

621
00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:50,840
Speaker 3: Who you still want to interview.

622
00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:55,000
Speaker 1: I'm waiting for you, of course, And I mean that,

623
00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:58,000
Speaker 1: I genuinely mean that, waiting for you. And then I

624
00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:01,360
Speaker 1: mean I've always said my number one pick is Cristiano Ronaldo.

625
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:03,240
Speaker 3: Oh my god, that would be amazing.

626
00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 2: That's my number one manifest for you, because I would

627
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:07,600
Speaker 2: love to listen to that conversation.

628
00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:10,240
Speaker 3: I really don't. I don't think I've seen him in

629
00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:11,160
Speaker 3: many interviews.

630
00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:14,080
Speaker 1: He hasn't. It's it's definitely a language barrier too, of

631
00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:16,040
Speaker 1: wanting to get the best out of him. He's had,

632
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:18,520
Speaker 1: He's had a couple of great ones over ten years ago,

633
00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:21,880
Speaker 1: now interviews that really I spoke to him. So yeah,

634
00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:24,840
Speaker 1: that's and I'm a manchitut I fan, Okay. I would

635
00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:27,520
Speaker 1: be like high fiving my fifteen year old self.

636
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:29,520
Speaker 3: Of course, and I love that.

637
00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:33,040
Speaker 2: Okay, So you talk a lot about love, so I

638
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 2: want to get your opinion on a few things. So

639
00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:39,760
Speaker 2: do you think that that we all have one soulmate

640
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:41,720
Speaker 2: or multiple loves of your life?

641
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:43,400
Speaker 3: This is a debate we have in my community all

642
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:43,840
Speaker 3: the time.

643
00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:47,960
Speaker 1: I love that. I think you'll fall in love with

644
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:52,000
Speaker 1: three different people in your life. Oh okay. The first

645
00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:57,040
Speaker 1: is the firework. It's big, it's loud, it lights up

646
00:30:57,080 --> 00:31:02,720
Speaker 1: the sky, but it fades away. The second is the candle.

647
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:08,920
Speaker 1: It's slower, it's quieter, it has a longer shelf life,

648
00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:12,080
Speaker 1: but eventually you might leave it because it doesn't have

649
00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:17,760
Speaker 1: the spark. And the third one is the mirror, the

650
00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:21,920
Speaker 1: one that shows you all your flaws, shows your reflection,

651
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:26,920
Speaker 1: and shows you who you truly are. And the firework

652
00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:31,040
Speaker 1: will probably fade off its own accord, or the firework

653
00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:36,000
Speaker 1: will probably fade itself. The candle you might leave before

654
00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:40,120
Speaker 1: it fades, and the mirror you might think it's broken

655
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:44,200
Speaker 1: because you don't like what you see. And so I

656
00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:48,840
Speaker 1: think we often hop and jump and skip between all

657
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:53,800
Speaker 1: three of these because it doesn't fulfill one part of us.

658
00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:57,160
Speaker 1: One doesn't have the spark, one doesn't have the longevity,

659
00:31:57,680 --> 00:32:01,240
Speaker 1: and one is too honest, and I think I've been

660
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:03,680
Speaker 1: in love with all three in my life. What I

661
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:07,640
Speaker 1: found was that the mirror was the most powerful one

662
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:11,560
Speaker 1: because as soon as I didn't realize the mirror was

663
00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:14,920
Speaker 1: broken and it was showing me exactly who I am,

664
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:18,080
Speaker 1: which is what my wife's done for me. And as

665
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:20,760
Speaker 1: long as the person holding the mirror is compassionate and

666
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:23,720
Speaker 1: empathetic and not shoving it in your face but holding

667
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:27,920
Speaker 1: it kindly there, it can be the most beautiful relationship

668
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:30,320
Speaker 1: that you'll ever have. But I don't believe in the

669
00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:34,520
Speaker 1: one soul mat that you're destined to be with, because

670
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:38,840
Speaker 1: I really think that there's a soulmate for each frequency

671
00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:42,920
Speaker 1: you operate at. So there's a soulmate for your lowest frequency,

672
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:47,080
Speaker 1: which when you're operating on that frequency, you'll find really attractive.

673
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:49,760
Speaker 1: But as soon as you upgrade to your mid frequency,

674
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:52,320
Speaker 1: you'll think to yourself, how was I ever with that person?

675
00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:55,160
Speaker 1: And then you have that frequency, and then you have

676
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:57,760
Speaker 1: your soulmate of your highest frequency, which you could argue

677
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:01,600
Speaker 1: is your ultimate soul mat that requires you to step up.

678
00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:03,440
Speaker 1: You have to do the word and do that work

679
00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:05,959
Speaker 1: and so I think you'll find a soulmate. And if

680
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:10,120
Speaker 1: you think about even the word soulmate, I really believe

681
00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:13,280
Speaker 1: that a soulmate is a mate for your soul and

682
00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:15,760
Speaker 1: that could be a friend, it could be a romantic partner.

683
00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:20,120
Speaker 1: And that lower vibration, that lower frequency soulmate is almost

684
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:23,440
Speaker 1: like a cell mat, a prison mate that kind of

685
00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:25,960
Speaker 1: keeps you stuck. And I think a lot of us

686
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:29,200
Speaker 1: can empathize with having lived with a cell mat for

687
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:31,800
Speaker 1: some time where you thought you were in love, but

688
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 1: actually you were in prison and you were being held

689
00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:39,000
Speaker 1: back from your potential. You were being trapped based on

690
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:41,560
Speaker 1: what you believed was possible for you, and maybe you

691
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:44,440
Speaker 1: settled for less than you deserve because you believe that

692
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:47,040
Speaker 1: was your soulmate and cellmate for life. And so I

693
00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:50,160
Speaker 1: want people to be much more freer with knowing that

694
00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:54,680
Speaker 1: your real partner is out there and they're not this

695
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:57,719
Speaker 1: perfect person, and they're not this person that has it

696
00:33:57,760 --> 00:33:59,720
Speaker 1: all together, and they're not going to show you the

697
00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:02,920
Speaker 1: best parts of yourself either. This idea that the best

698
00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:05,920
Speaker 1: person will bring out the best of me, They'll show

699
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:07,600
Speaker 1: you the worst of you so that you can bring

700
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:10,200
Speaker 1: out the best of yourself. That's what we're trying to

701
00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:12,279
Speaker 1: work on, and my wife's definitely done that for me.

702
00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:14,200
Speaker 1: The key is they do it in a non judgmental,

703
00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:18,120
Speaker 1: empathetic and loving way, not in a way that's like

704
00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:21,759
Speaker 1: I see all your flaws and pointing them out in

705
00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 1: a manipulative or controlling way.

706
00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:27,120
Speaker 3: Sure. Sure, how long have you guys been married.

707
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:30,120
Speaker 1: We've been married this year for nine years and together

708
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:30,640
Speaker 1: for twelve.

709
00:34:30,680 --> 00:34:31,440
Speaker 3: How do you guys meet?

710
00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:34,400
Speaker 1: Oh gosh, so we tell the full story on the

711
00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 1: first ever episode of my podcast. So that actually, if

712
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:41,359
Speaker 1: you want to know, yeah, that's the first one, start

713
00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:44,120
Speaker 1: with that. Yeah, that's probably the right answer I question. Okay,

714
00:34:44,480 --> 00:34:48,400
Speaker 1: but yeah, we met before I became a monk. I

715
00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:51,680
Speaker 1: was serving at my local temple in London because I

716
00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:53,719
Speaker 1: was training in my final year of a college, knowing

717
00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:56,359
Speaker 1: that I was going to do that, and I met

718
00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:58,920
Speaker 1: a woman who was around my mom's age, and I

719
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:01,799
Speaker 1: was asked to show her around with some chores and services.

720
00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:03,799
Speaker 1: And I showed her around and at the end of it,

721
00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:05,799
Speaker 1: she said, I have a daughter that I'd love to

722
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:10,000
Speaker 1: introduce to meditation and spirituality. She's around your age. Would

723
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:11,239
Speaker 1: you connect with her? And I said, well, I'm going

724
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:13,360
Speaker 1: to become a monk, so I'll introduce her to my

725
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:17,600
Speaker 1: sister because they were a similar age. That happens to

726
00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:21,280
Speaker 1: be my wife's mom. And she brought in my wife

727
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:23,359
Speaker 1: like a week later to introduce me to her. I'd

728
00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:26,040
Speaker 1: asked my sister to come along. I saw my wife.

729
00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:27,759
Speaker 1: This is like years ago now. I thought she was

730
00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:30,360
Speaker 1: absolutely stunning and beautiful, and it was like no focus

731
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:33,120
Speaker 1: on being among, focus focus. And then when I came

732
00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:35,000
Speaker 1: back from being among three years later, her and my

733
00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:38,319
Speaker 1: sister were best friends, and so my sister was our

734
00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:41,600
Speaker 1: matchmaker in the end. And that's the short way beautiful.

735
00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:42,400
Speaker 3: That's beautiful.

736
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:45,080
Speaker 2: I think a lot of people listening to that story

737
00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:47,919
Speaker 2: who are single might think, I would love to meet

738
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:51,920
Speaker 2: someone organically like that. That's the dream, you know, that

739
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:55,399
Speaker 2: doesn't happen anymore. So I'm curious what you would say

740
00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:58,080
Speaker 2: to someone who was having that thought. And then, secondly,

741
00:35:58,120 --> 00:36:00,880
Speaker 2: if you could give your thoughts on apps, because I

742
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:03,319
Speaker 2: think a lot of people in my community are feeling.

743
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:04,640
Speaker 3: Pretty drained from them right now.

744
00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:09,160
Speaker 2: And you know, my belief is that things like your story,

745
00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:14,440
Speaker 2: natural connections meeting people still happen, and the dating apps

746
00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 2: can be great, but they've also made us believe that

747
00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:18,479
Speaker 2: that stuff doesn't happen, but it does.

748
00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:20,520
Speaker 3: Like we still go live in the world.

749
00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:23,000
Speaker 2: We still meet someone's mom who has a cute daughter, like,

750
00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:24,640
Speaker 2: we still do all that stuff.

751
00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:26,640
Speaker 3: So I'm just curious your thoughts.

752
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:28,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think times are changing too, Like if you

753
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 1: look at it twenty five, thirty, maybe even longer now.

754
00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:36,359
Speaker 1: You know, fifty years ago, most people met someone who

755
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:39,520
Speaker 1: lived in one mile radius from where they grew up, right,

756
00:36:39,719 --> 00:36:43,680
Speaker 1: so you'd get introduced to someone through your parents or

757
00:36:43,719 --> 00:36:46,479
Speaker 1: through your friends, or maybe you'll bump into them while

758
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:50,040
Speaker 1: walking to your building or whatever it was. And I

759
00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:53,200
Speaker 1: think we always romanticize things in the past, okay, And

760
00:36:53,239 --> 00:36:54,840
Speaker 1: I want to point that out because I think we

761
00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:56,480
Speaker 1: all have this, and by the way, we have this

762
00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:59,359
Speaker 1: as humans. We always say the good old days. Right

763
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:02,640
Speaker 1: in my time, things were amazing, And you know you're

764
00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:04,920
Speaker 1: old when you start saying stuff like that, like, oh,

765
00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:07,080
Speaker 1: the music when I grew up was really better than

766
00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:09,839
Speaker 1: today's music. And by the way, twenty years from now,

767
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:12,200
Speaker 1: people will be saying that about Sabrina Carpenter and being like,

768
00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:13,960
Speaker 1: when I had you know, yeah, And so it's like

769
00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:16,600
Speaker 1: the same thing that goes round around, And so first

770
00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:19,000
Speaker 1: of all, I like to just cut out this nostalgic

771
00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:21,799
Speaker 1: false belief because what it does is it gives you

772
00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:24,799
Speaker 1: a safety blanket of being like, oh, back in the day,

773
00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:28,799
Speaker 1: things were amazing. Today it's worse. And I think, I mean,

774
00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:30,520
Speaker 1: you could look at that, you could cut down slice

775
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:32,360
Speaker 1: that both ways in the world and not. There'll be

776
00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:36,120
Speaker 1: plenty of historians and researchers who say today's better than ever,

777
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:39,240
Speaker 1: and some will say it's harder than ever. And ultimately,

778
00:37:39,239 --> 00:37:41,120
Speaker 1: when it comes to dating, I think the point is

779
00:37:41,239 --> 00:37:45,960
Speaker 1: that mindset doesn't help. And so yes, I really believe

780
00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:47,759
Speaker 1: that what people are looking for. And I did this

781
00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:50,640
Speaker 1: last week. So it's funny you asked. I became Matches

782
00:37:50,719 --> 00:37:54,279
Speaker 1: relationship advisor match dot COM's relationship advisor last year, and

783
00:37:54,360 --> 00:37:56,600
Speaker 1: the reason I did that was because I developed a

784
00:37:56,680 --> 00:38:00,359
Speaker 1: core values test in my book Eight Rules of Love

785
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:03,120
Speaker 1: two years ago, and I wanted to partner with an

786
00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:05,680
Speaker 1: app that would help people match based on core values.

787
00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:08,600
Speaker 1: My goal wasn't that you should have the same values.

788
00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:11,920
Speaker 1: My goal was your values should be something you're aware of.

789
00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:14,160
Speaker 1: I think too many people are with people that they

790
00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:16,960
Speaker 1: find out their values. Three years later. Wow, oh my gosh,

791
00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:19,760
Speaker 1: you wanted to have kids. I had no idea. Oh, really,

792
00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:22,160
Speaker 1: you wanted to become an entrepreneur and quit your steady job.

793
00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:24,520
Speaker 1: I had no idea. Oh I didn't realize you actually

794
00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:26,920
Speaker 1: want to live in the farm and not at the city. Like,

795
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:30,720
Speaker 1: no idea. We're just so unaware of these very big

796
00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:33,719
Speaker 1: things about someone. And so we did this event last

797
00:38:33,719 --> 00:38:35,920
Speaker 1: week in La on Thursday night. It was for one

798
00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:39,520
Speaker 1: hundred singles in La, and I was really excited to

799
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:41,080
Speaker 1: see how it went, and the goal was for people

800
00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:44,799
Speaker 1: to meet in person. But with that, Ethos and I

801
00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:48,080
Speaker 1: started out with this experiment where I was standing in

802
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:49,640
Speaker 1: the middle of the room. I was surrounded by one

803
00:38:49,680 --> 00:38:54,080
Speaker 1: hundred singles, and I read out loud eye statements and

804
00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:55,880
Speaker 1: if it applied to them, they had to step forward,

805
00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:58,120
Speaker 1: and if it didn't apply to them, they stood where

806
00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:00,680
Speaker 1: they were. Okay, so imagine a hundred people founded, and

807
00:39:00,719 --> 00:39:02,480
Speaker 1: I read out the first one, which is something like

808
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:06,279
Speaker 1: I consistently miss read flags, and a bunch of people

809
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:08,520
Speaker 1: stepped forward. I asked them what red flags they missed,

810
00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:12,560
Speaker 1: and people were honest but tiptoeing, And then I asked

811
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:14,640
Speaker 1: another question, and it got deeper every time. So the

812
00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:19,120
Speaker 1: next question I asked was something like, I sometimes forget

813
00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:22,239
Speaker 1: my friends in a relationship, so when I'm dating someone,

814
00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:24,600
Speaker 1: I forget about my friendships. And it was so funny

815
00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:26,359
Speaker 1: because this group of girls were there with their friends

816
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:29,600
Speaker 1: and they all push this friend forward, and honestly, I

817
00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:31,600
Speaker 1: was like, this is hilarious, and all three of the

818
00:39:31,680 --> 00:39:33,480
Speaker 1: friends were like, yeah, she always does that. And then

819
00:39:33,480 --> 00:39:35,319
Speaker 1: I gave it the mic and she goes, yes, I'm

820
00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:37,600
Speaker 1: the friend that loves my friend. I was like, how beautiful.

821
00:39:37,600 --> 00:39:38,960
Speaker 1: And then it got really deep, and then I asked

822
00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:42,160
Speaker 1: the question I've been cheating on my cheated on by

823
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:45,200
Speaker 1: an X? And people stepped forward and shit, the reason

824
00:39:45,239 --> 00:39:48,040
Speaker 1: I'm sharing this is what I found was that all

825
00:39:48,080 --> 00:39:50,960
Speaker 1: of these people at every stage were willing to be vulnerable.

826
00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:53,160
Speaker 1: It took a second, it took a beat, it took

827
00:39:53,160 --> 00:39:56,000
Speaker 1: a moment. It wasn't straight off the bat. People tiptoed

828
00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:58,319
Speaker 1: forward at the start. At the end, people were coming

829
00:39:58,400 --> 00:40:01,440
Speaker 1: forward and opening their hearts. And what I've realized is

830
00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:04,839
Speaker 1: that the reason why we think online dating doesn't work

831
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:09,120
Speaker 1: is because we want instant intimacy, we want instant vulnerability.

832
00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:13,480
Speaker 1: We want instant openness, and even that night, I had

833
00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:16,680
Speaker 1: to wait and be patient for people to feel safe

834
00:40:16,920 --> 00:40:19,600
Speaker 1: with me, with each other, with the space. And I

835
00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:21,839
Speaker 1: think that's what we should be focusing on, is can

836
00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:24,919
Speaker 1: I create a safe space where someone feels they can

837
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:27,759
Speaker 1: be that way with me. The other thing I'd say

838
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:31,239
Speaker 1: for anyone who's feeling exhausted with the apps again, is

839
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:35,040
Speaker 1: I'm not surprised. Of course you are. It's exhausting to

840
00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:40,279
Speaker 1: be rejected, reject, accept, move forward, ghosted, whatever it may be,

841
00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 1: everything in between. But I'd say the real challenge is

842
00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:46,279
Speaker 1: not the app and it's our mindset. And what I

843
00:40:46,320 --> 00:40:49,440
Speaker 1: mean by that is we live when we're dating. We

844
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:52,600
Speaker 1: live in one of two states. We're either passive, so

845
00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:55,440
Speaker 1: we say things like it will happen when it happens.

846
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:58,680
Speaker 1: I'm not worried right now. Secretly we're really scared and

847
00:40:58,719 --> 00:41:03,280
Speaker 1: insecure and pretending. And the other side is where pressured.

848
00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:05,760
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, did you see that person just got engaged.

849
00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:08,480
Speaker 1: I'm thirty five, How am I still single? There's all

850
00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:11,800
Speaker 1: this pressure, So we live in being passive or feeling pressure.

851
00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:14,920
Speaker 1: And really, what I was saying to everyone that night,

852
00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:16,960
Speaker 1: and what my goal for everyone listening today would be

853
00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:19,560
Speaker 1: is I want you to be in a state of peace,

854
00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:23,160
Speaker 1: peace with your past, peace with your present, and peace

855
00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:27,200
Speaker 1: about your future. Because guess what, Pressure doesn't attract love?

856
00:41:27,719 --> 00:41:30,719
Speaker 1: How could pressure ever attract love? And how could being

857
00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:34,600
Speaker 1: passive ever attract love? So how do you get peace? Peace?

858
00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:38,000
Speaker 1: Is saying I know what happened in my past wasn't

859
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:41,680
Speaker 1: a waste of time. It hurt, it was painful, it

860
00:41:41,719 --> 00:41:43,960
Speaker 1: was the worst, but it wasn't a waste of time

861
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:46,040
Speaker 1: because it showed me who I don't want to be

862
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:48,560
Speaker 1: with and who I don't want to become. And by

863
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:50,759
Speaker 1: the way, I'm not going to put pressure on myself

864
00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:53,319
Speaker 1: because I actually believe that when I live in a

865
00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:57,200
Speaker 1: state of peace and calm, I'm now operating at that

866
00:41:57,280 --> 00:42:02,640
Speaker 1: frequency that attracts a peace and calming relationship into my life.

867
00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:05,319
Speaker 1: Whereas if I feel pressure, I'll attract drama and if

868
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:08,600
Speaker 1: I'm passive, I'll attract trauma. But if I'm at peace,

869
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:12,200
Speaker 1: I'll attract someone who's calm, and I'll attract someone who's

870
00:42:12,560 --> 00:42:13,719
Speaker 1: matching my frequency.

871
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:18,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I'm nodding. If you're listening to this, I'm

872
00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:21,600
Speaker 2: nodding crazy in a crazy way because I agree so much.

873
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:24,520
Speaker 3: I think I'm at peace. I really do. I had

874
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:27,240
Speaker 3: a dating coach, and I feel like I'm at piece.

875
00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:27,719
Speaker 1: I know.

876
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:30,640
Speaker 2: I think the dating coach I had on recently and

877
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:34,400
Speaker 2: she was like, maybe you're you're secretly like because I

878
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:39,080
Speaker 2: said something like I'm really I said something like, when

879
00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:42,560
Speaker 2: it happens, it will happen. But I genuinely feel very

880
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:44,880
Speaker 2: at peace for the first time really in the past,

881
00:42:45,719 --> 00:42:48,080
Speaker 2: I don't know, only like the past couple months. I

882
00:42:48,080 --> 00:42:51,600
Speaker 2: feel really good, like I feel so you know, as

883
00:42:51,640 --> 00:42:53,840
Speaker 2: you said, my past is my past for a reason.

884
00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:56,000
Speaker 3: It got me to where I am today and in

885
00:42:56,080 --> 00:42:56,600
Speaker 3: the future.

886
00:42:57,080 --> 00:43:00,279
Speaker 2: You know, I'm excited, but I'm also just grateful for

887
00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:03,080
Speaker 2: where I am now. I think a big problem that

888
00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:05,919
Speaker 2: I have with the dating culture and like the way

889
00:43:05,920 --> 00:43:10,840
Speaker 2: that we view finding the one or whatever partner, is

890
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:14,239
Speaker 2: that it really like encourages people to forget to be

891
00:43:14,320 --> 00:43:18,760
Speaker 2: grateful for where they are, and for me, I focus

892
00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:21,640
Speaker 2: so much on creating a life that I love so

893
00:43:21,719 --> 00:43:25,480
Speaker 2: that you know to your previous point that I'm vibrating

894
00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:28,600
Speaker 2: at my highest point that I can be, so that

895
00:43:28,719 --> 00:43:31,120
Speaker 2: you know I love them. The saying like water seeks

896
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:33,319
Speaker 2: its own level, and so I always think about that.

897
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:35,319
Speaker 2: I'm like, I want to be up here when I

898
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:38,359
Speaker 2: run into another person who I'm compatible with and they're

899
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:38,920
Speaker 2: up here.

900
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:42,600
Speaker 3: But yeah, I don't know. I wonder, I wonder dating.

901
00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:44,120
Speaker 3: I'm at peace, Caroline, you do.

902
00:43:44,520 --> 00:43:46,839
Speaker 2: I think really I am for the for the for

903
00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:49,080
Speaker 2: the first time, which is cool, it's it's a nice

904
00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:49,560
Speaker 2: place to be.

905
00:43:49,640 --> 00:43:51,920
Speaker 1: But I think I feel it, and I feel it

906
00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:53,960
Speaker 1: for whatever it's with in your presence today for sure.

907
00:43:54,960 --> 00:43:57,279
Speaker 1: And also I was going to say that I love

908
00:43:57,320 --> 00:44:01,839
Speaker 1: what you're saying because a lot of the times people say, well,

909
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:04,960
Speaker 1: how do I know it's love? And if you're already

910
00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:08,440
Speaker 1: living a life you love, you'll know it's love totally

911
00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:12,520
Speaker 1: because you're already living at that level. Everything is operating

912
00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:15,000
Speaker 1: at the vibration and frequency of love. So when something

913
00:44:15,040 --> 00:44:18,560
Speaker 1: new comes in, you actually know what frequency it's vibrating

914
00:44:18,600 --> 00:44:21,080
Speaker 1: it exactly. You don't have to guess anymore because it

915
00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:27,040
Speaker 1: makes sense. It aligns. You know, whether it's jealousy, lust, envy, confusion,

916
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:30,319
Speaker 1: whatever it may be, because you already love everything that's

917
00:44:30,360 --> 00:44:34,040
Speaker 1: going on. But if you're hating everything that's going on now,

918
00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:37,080
Speaker 1: everything feels like lost, so because everything feels better than

919
00:44:37,120 --> 00:44:37,680
Speaker 1: where you're at.

920
00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:38,879
Speaker 3: Wow, I really like that.

921
00:44:38,880 --> 00:44:41,439
Speaker 2: That's actually so true and I think that that will

922
00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:44,200
Speaker 2: resonate with so many people I know. For me in

923
00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:47,080
Speaker 2: my twenties, that was so the case. I was desperate,

924
00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:50,520
Speaker 2: desperate to have a boyfriend because I didn't really like

925
00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:53,240
Speaker 2: myself and I didn't really like my life. I felt

926
00:44:53,239 --> 00:44:56,400
Speaker 2: like I wasn't living up to my potential. I didn't

927
00:44:56,400 --> 00:44:59,880
Speaker 2: feel creatively fulfilled. I didn't like myself as a person.

928
00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:03,520
Speaker 2: And instead of dealing with all those things, I was like,

929
00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:05,520
Speaker 2: how can I get a boyfriend? Needs to chase boys,

930
00:45:05,600 --> 00:45:07,760
Speaker 2: need a boyfriend, need a boyfriend to validate, to validate

931
00:45:07,800 --> 00:45:11,839
Speaker 2: my existence. And it's such a great turning point when

932
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:14,920
Speaker 2: you can stop and kind of pivot in your life

933
00:45:14,960 --> 00:45:19,520
Speaker 2: and think and really focus on, you know, loving yourself

934
00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:22,320
Speaker 2: and being loved to your point so when it comes

935
00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:23,360
Speaker 2: in you'll.

936
00:45:23,080 --> 00:45:24,600
Speaker 1: Know, yeah, you recognize it.

937
00:45:24,680 --> 00:45:28,120
Speaker 2: Love that, Yeah, I love that so much. So you're

938
00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:32,240
Speaker 2: gearing up for a massive live tour. What can people

939
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:35,000
Speaker 2: expect from this tour? It's so exciting.

940
00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:37,480
Speaker 1: I'm very excited that it's the first time in six

941
00:45:37,560 --> 00:45:39,719
Speaker 1: years since we launched the podcast that I actually get

942
00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:42,840
Speaker 1: to go do this yes on stage across North America

943
00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:46,120
Speaker 1: to start with, and I think people don't expect surprise.

944
00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:49,440
Speaker 1: Guests in every city love some of your favorites, some

945
00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:52,399
Speaker 1: absolutely new ones. So really really excited about that. People

946
00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:55,319
Speaker 1: can expect to actually have a human connection. I want

947
00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:57,680
Speaker 1: everyone to be able to ask questions. I want to

948
00:45:57,680 --> 00:46:00,239
Speaker 1: make it really interactive. People will be able to come

949
00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:02,440
Speaker 1: and be a part of the experience. I don't want

950
00:46:02,440 --> 00:46:05,080
Speaker 1: people to leave there with community. I think that's something

951
00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:07,799
Speaker 1: that I found when I'm touring that's different is that

952
00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:09,960
Speaker 1: people don't walk out of that room with the same

953
00:46:09,960 --> 00:46:12,520
Speaker 1: people they came with. They're walking rout having conversations with

954
00:46:12,560 --> 00:46:14,720
Speaker 1: people next to them. If you think about it, everyone

955
00:46:14,719 --> 00:46:16,240
Speaker 1: in that room is going to be someone who listens

956
00:46:16,280 --> 00:46:19,400
Speaker 1: to on purpose. They're listening every day, they're listening every week,

957
00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:22,480
Speaker 1: they're listening every month. Imagine being in the same space

958
00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:24,440
Speaker 1: and now you're not walking, or you're not in your kitchen,

959
00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:26,520
Speaker 1: or you're not at the gym, You're actually in this

960
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:29,640
Speaker 1: same space listening to the conversation. I can't imagine what

961
00:46:29,719 --> 00:46:31,759
Speaker 1: kind of connections will come out of that. So I

962
00:46:31,760 --> 00:46:33,680
Speaker 1: think it's going to be super exciting. It's going to

963
00:46:33,719 --> 00:46:36,800
Speaker 1: be meaningful. I'm going to be leading meditations on stage,

964
00:46:36,840 --> 00:46:39,759
Speaker 1: so for anyone who's been struggling, I'll be guiding those

965
00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:41,600
Speaker 1: meditations as well. I think it's going to be a

966
00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:45,360
Speaker 1: really meaningful, impactful evening and I can't wait. I'm so excited,

967
00:46:45,480 --> 00:46:46,040
Speaker 1: so exciting.

968
00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:48,680
Speaker 2: What's the hardest part of doing a huge show? And

969
00:46:48,719 --> 00:46:51,480
Speaker 2: like planning something at this scale, do you get nervous?

970
00:46:51,600 --> 00:46:54,600
Speaker 2: I can't imagine you too, But what is there any

971
00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:57,040
Speaker 2: challenges that you're looking forward to overcoming?

972
00:46:57,200 --> 00:46:59,080
Speaker 1: So I went on a world tour two years ago,

973
00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:03,200
Speaker 1: so we did need forty cities in like three four months,

974
00:47:03,760 --> 00:47:06,560
Speaker 1: and that was much harder than I expected it to be.

975
00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:08,240
Speaker 1: And I have a lot of clients who are musicians

976
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:11,240
Speaker 1: who tour and do like one hundred hundred and fifty shows,

977
00:47:11,480 --> 00:47:13,880
Speaker 1: two hundred shows, and they always used to tell me

978
00:47:13,960 --> 00:47:17,080
Speaker 1: that they'd be exhausted by show fifty. So I didn't

979
00:47:17,080 --> 00:47:19,080
Speaker 1: even do fifty shows, so I can really empathize with

980
00:47:19,080 --> 00:47:22,360
Speaker 1: people who toured that long. To me, it becomes about

981
00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:26,759
Speaker 1: everything is sacrificed. And I don't mean that as like,

982
00:47:26,800 --> 00:47:30,920
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm sacrificing everything is about the craft. So,

983
00:47:31,160 --> 00:47:33,719
Speaker 1: for example, when I was on tour last time, my

984
00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:37,360
Speaker 1: day would start around two or four pm. For working,

985
00:47:37,400 --> 00:47:39,920
Speaker 1: I mean it would start later because I'd start with

986
00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:42,320
Speaker 1: a group meditation for people who'd opted in for the

987
00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:46,320
Speaker 1: big smaller meditation. I'd start a Q and a session

988
00:47:46,360 --> 00:47:48,680
Speaker 1: for that group. Then the show would start like seven

989
00:47:48,640 --> 00:47:51,839
Speaker 1: point thirty. So I'd stop eating at midday, and then

990
00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:53,280
Speaker 1: i wouldn't eat until midnight.

991
00:47:53,400 --> 00:47:53,840
Speaker 3: Wow.

992
00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:56,239
Speaker 1: And then I'd wake up, jump on a plane, and

993
00:47:56,280 --> 00:47:58,120
Speaker 1: go and do it all over again in another place.

994
00:47:58,480 --> 00:48:00,960
Speaker 1: And so I never went out a night. I never

995
00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:03,280
Speaker 1: went out to a restaurant because I was on vocal rest.

996
00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:06,120
Speaker 1: And so to me, the key is for that time,

997
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:09,359
Speaker 1: you've got to be totally zoned in. And I love that.

998
00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:11,279
Speaker 1: I really enjoy it. I think about it like an

999
00:48:11,320 --> 00:48:14,319
Speaker 1: athlete at the Championships or super Bowl, whatever it is,

1000
00:48:14,320 --> 00:48:16,440
Speaker 1: where it's like you've just got to be focused on

1001
00:48:16,440 --> 00:48:18,799
Speaker 1: that one thing and there's a beautiful thing that comes

1002
00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:21,239
Speaker 1: out of that. You get really in the zone. You

1003
00:48:21,320 --> 00:48:24,520
Speaker 1: recognize what talents and skills you have, You recognize your

1004
00:48:24,560 --> 00:48:27,160
Speaker 1: ability to fast that I didn't know I could do

1005
00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:29,080
Speaker 1: that anymore for that long and so it was just

1006
00:48:29,239 --> 00:48:33,440
Speaker 1: like a really beautiful reminder to build different muscles, sure,

1007
00:48:33,520 --> 00:48:36,400
Speaker 1: and build different strengths and find a new sense of confidence.

1008
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:38,799
Speaker 1: And so yeah, everyone was like, did you travel to

1009
00:48:38,840 --> 00:48:40,279
Speaker 1: this place? What did you see? I'm like, I didn't

1010
00:48:40,280 --> 00:48:40,560
Speaker 1: see it.

1011
00:48:40,920 --> 00:48:41,880
Speaker 3: I saw my hotel room.

1012
00:48:41,960 --> 00:48:45,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, I saw my hotel room. I saw a plane, sure,

1013
00:48:45,239 --> 00:48:47,440
Speaker 1: and I saw the venue. And I love that. I

1014
00:48:47,440 --> 00:48:50,080
Speaker 1: don't have any that's beautiful, Like that's what it's for.

1015
00:48:50,480 --> 00:48:52,680
Speaker 1: I'm not traveling for pleasure. I'm traveling to serve and

1016
00:48:52,760 --> 00:48:53,960
Speaker 1: it's really exciting.

1017
00:48:54,600 --> 00:48:55,120
Speaker 3: I love that.

1018
00:48:55,160 --> 00:48:58,000
Speaker 2: Okay, before we go, I have to ask you, do

1019
00:48:58,040 --> 00:49:02,200
Speaker 2: you have any guilty pleasures like junk food, move b shows?

1020
00:49:02,239 --> 00:49:04,879
Speaker 2: Like what it when? You're like, you know what, I'm

1021
00:49:04,880 --> 00:49:06,080
Speaker 2: gonna treat myself, Like what.

1022
00:49:06,040 --> 00:49:08,680
Speaker 1: Do you do? So there's this place in La called

1023
00:49:08,680 --> 00:49:13,839
Speaker 1: Mister Charlie's. It's basically plant based McDonald's. They do chicken nuggets,

1024
00:49:14,080 --> 00:49:18,080
Speaker 1: they do a chicken sandwich, it's plant based. The fries

1025
00:49:18,520 --> 00:49:20,920
Speaker 1: and like, I've now got to once every two weeks.

1026
00:49:20,920 --> 00:49:23,799
Speaker 1: I need that. Okay, it was once every week, it's

1027
00:49:23,840 --> 00:49:25,640
Speaker 1: now I've got to once every two weeks. And then

1028
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:30,480
Speaker 1: I'm a I love Van Luin because and so my

1029
00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:33,920
Speaker 1: Van Luin order. My wife believes this should be on

1030
00:49:34,040 --> 00:49:36,680
Speaker 1: their menu because I have a very specific order. So

1031
00:49:36,719 --> 00:49:40,319
Speaker 1: I go and get a double chocolate fight brownie scoop

1032
00:49:40,360 --> 00:49:44,000
Speaker 1: of ice cream with hot fudge on top, with sprinkles,

1033
00:49:44,360 --> 00:49:48,560
Speaker 1: cookie crumble, honeycomb candy, and I think that's about it.

1034
00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:51,879
Speaker 1: So those are my two food guilty pleasures I love.

1035
00:49:51,920 --> 00:49:54,359
Speaker 1: So every two weeks, I'll do that now on one

1036
00:49:54,400 --> 00:49:58,960
Speaker 1: day together. Yeah, so that day, ignore it. Just don't

1037
00:49:58,960 --> 00:50:02,520
Speaker 1: talk to Jesse for a week, preturn like it didn't happen. Uh.

1038
00:50:02,560 --> 00:50:07,160
Speaker 1: And then TV wise, I find like, no, I think

1039
00:50:07,160 --> 00:50:09,520
Speaker 1: I watched good stuff. I mean like I just watched

1040
00:50:09,520 --> 00:50:14,200
Speaker 1: Why Lowest, the new episode TV so I love that. Yeah.

1041
00:50:14,239 --> 00:50:17,520
Speaker 1: This year it used to definitely like at one point

1042
00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:19,720
Speaker 1: I would never miss an episode of Selling Sunset.

1043
00:50:19,880 --> 00:50:22,560
Speaker 3: Wait, I love that, Okay, but I love real.

1044
00:50:22,520 --> 00:50:24,879
Speaker 1: Estate, so I would skip. And I was telling Jason open.

1045
00:50:24,920 --> 00:50:26,640
Speaker 1: I met Jason recently and I was telling him. I

1046
00:50:26,640 --> 00:50:28,600
Speaker 1: was like, I love Selling Sunset, but I always skipped

1047
00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:30,960
Speaker 1: to all the homes because I loved season real Estate.

1048
00:50:31,080 --> 00:50:33,080
Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, that's what every guy says, and so

1049
00:50:33,120 --> 00:50:34,880
Speaker 1: I was like, all right, Jason, thanks for judging me,

1050
00:50:34,920 --> 00:50:37,440
Speaker 1: but it's true. So yeah, that's what I love that.

1051
00:50:37,520 --> 00:50:39,400
Speaker 2: Okay, Well Van Lewin, if you're listening, we need the

1052
00:50:39,480 --> 00:50:41,360
Speaker 2: Jay Shetty on them. I know that's crazy that that

1053
00:50:41,719 --> 00:50:44,400
Speaker 2: hasn't happened yet. Jay, thank you for coming on. This

1054
00:50:44,520 --> 00:50:47,320
Speaker 2: was so meaningful and I just I think you are

1055
00:50:47,440 --> 00:50:51,040
Speaker 2: so wise and uh, I love your energy. Where can

1056
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:53,400
Speaker 2: people find you? And where can people get tickets for

1057
00:50:53,560 --> 00:50:53,959
Speaker 2: the tour?

1058
00:50:54,040 --> 00:50:55,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'd love for people to come see me on tour.

1059
00:50:55,680 --> 00:50:58,720
Speaker 1: It's Jay Shetty Doped Me Forward Slash Tour. J Shetty

1060
00:50:58,760 --> 00:51:00,680
Speaker 1: Doped Me Forward Slash Tour. And then you can find

1061
00:51:00,719 --> 00:51:04,560
Speaker 1: me on TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, wherever you watch social and

1062
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:08,680
Speaker 1: then on any podcast app I Heart Serious and all

1063
00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:11,839
Speaker 1: the other ones, Apple, Spotify, everything. So yeah, thanks things,

1064
00:51:11,880 --> 00:51:13,400
Speaker 1: and honestly, I had such a great time. That was

1065
00:51:13,680 --> 00:51:15,879
Speaker 1: one of my favorite conversations I've had. And you are

1066
00:51:16,280 --> 00:51:18,880
Speaker 1: the best and on purposes waiting for you. Thank you

1067
00:51:19,239 --> 00:51:20,680
Speaker 1: so we look forward to having you on the show

1068
00:51:20,840 --> 00:51:23,960
Speaker 1: so much. Thanks for listening, guys. Bye. If you love

1069
00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:27,440
Speaker 1: this episode, you will also love my interview with Kendall

1070
00:51:27,560 --> 00:51:32,120
Speaker 1: Jenna on setting boundaries to increase happiness and healing. You're

1071
00:51:32,120 --> 00:51:33,160
Speaker 1: in a child, You.

1072
00:51:33,080 --> 00:51:35,279
Speaker 2: Could be reading something that someone is saying about you

1073
00:51:35,360 --> 00:51:37,279
Speaker 2: and being like, that is so unfair because that's not

1074
00:51:37,320 --> 00:51:40,200
Speaker 2: who I am and that really gets to me sometimes.

1075
00:51:40,200 --> 00:51:42,000
Speaker 2: But then looking at myself in the mirror and being like,

1076
00:51:42,040 --> 00:51:43,040
Speaker 2: but I know who I am.

1077
00:51:43,239 --> 00:51:44,520
Speaker 3: Why does anything else matter.