Redefining Masculinity: From Soldier to Sensual Guide

From Marine to Somatic Intimacy Guide: Andre Lazarus on Presence Over Performance

Host Andy Grant interviews Andre Lazarus, a former US Marine turned somatic intimacy guide and surrogate partner therapist featured on the UK series Virgin Island. Andre describes serving in Afghanistan, leading others, and later being drawn into intimacy work after partners reflected its therapeutic impact, alongside unlearning rigid ideas of masculinity. He critiques the manosphere as often dangerous but notes it offers community and conversation to struggling young men.

Andre defines somatic work as body-based healing—through breath, touch, and nervous-system regulation—often more effective than talk alone for physical or sexual trauma, and discusses common male intimacy issues like rapid ejaculation, erectile concerns, dissociation, and over-focusing on a partner’s pleasure. He emphasizes breathing as a foundational practice, compassion in difficult family relationships, that surrogate partner therapy is a triadic model with a licensed therapist, and that “intimacy is not performance, its presence,” “simple doesn’t mean easy,” and “there is no one way of being a man.”

00:00 Surrogate Therapy Explained
00:43 Meet Andre Lazarus
01:32 From Marines to Intimacy
03:28 Masculinity and Unlearning
07:35 Vulnerability Myths
09:13 Manosphere Pull Explained
14:34 Somatics Defined
16:18 Men’s Hidden Intimacy Struggles
20:45 Breath as First Practice
24:03 Healing Father Wounds
27:05 Virgin Island and Surrogacy
29:57 Going Public With the Work
32:42 Boundaries With Clients
34:33 Never Too Late to Grow
36:01 Connect With Andre
37:39 Final Takeaways on Presence

Connect with Andre
Andre Lazarus — https://coming-closer.com/
Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/comingcloserwithandre/
Highlights of Virgin Island — https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLbnU9iq6kGBFORNkmpVkNhQ6KoZVkf04T

Connect with Andy:
Join other like-minded men in the Authentic AF Community | https://www.realmenfeel.org/group
Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant
Andy Grant | https://theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!
Real Men Feel | https://realmenfeel.org
YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

#RealMenFeel ep 406