2
00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:05,200
Speaker 1: parent like we don't have a job, and that can

3
00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:15,600
Speaker 1: really weigh on you. Hey, everyone, welcome back to On Purpose,

4
00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:18,400
Speaker 1: the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to

5
00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:20,400
Speaker 1: each and every single one of you that come back

6
00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:24,360
Speaker 1: every week to listen, learn, and grow. Now, I'm really

7
00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:26,599
Speaker 1: lucky in life to have a great group of friends.

8
00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:29,800
Speaker 1: And these friends are just not doing everyday things. They're

9
00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:34,680
Speaker 1: doing incredible things and helping other people do that as well. Now,

10
00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:36,720
Speaker 1: one of these friends is a guest I have on

11
00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:39,000
Speaker 1: the show today. She has a new book out that

12
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:40,760
Speaker 1: I can't wait for you to hear about, and she

13
00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:44,880
Speaker 1: is something exciting as well for you to discover when

14
00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:46,440
Speaker 1: you pre order the book, So I want you to

15
00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:48,640
Speaker 1: hang around for that as well. I'm excited. And remember

16
00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:51,680
Speaker 1: I always talk about how pre orders really help authors.

17
00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:55,040
Speaker 1: Orders really help authors, and as an author myself, I

18
00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:59,000
Speaker 1: know how much hours and time and energy goes into

19
00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,640
Speaker 1: writing a books. When one of my friends puts in

20
00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:04,200
Speaker 1: that energy, puts in that effort, I love to support

21
00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:06,880
Speaker 1: them with all my heart and all my joy, and

22
00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:09,840
Speaker 1: I love that our community does the same. But today's

23
00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:13,200
Speaker 1: guest is none other than Jenna Kutcher born and raised

24
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:17,960
Speaker 1: in Minnesota, wife, mother, and entrepreneur who aims for two

25
00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:22,080
Speaker 1: things daily, helping others wake up to life and staying

26
00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:25,480
Speaker 1: in comfy pants. Creator and host of the top rated

27
00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:29,839
Speaker 1: gold Digger podcast, She's helped thousands redefine success and chase

28
00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:33,800
Speaker 1: bold dreams through her decade long work as a leading

29
00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:39,240
Speaker 1: online personality and educator. Welcome to the show, Jenna Kutcher,

30
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,760
Speaker 1: and today we're talking about her new book, How are

31
00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:47,560
Speaker 1: you really? Jenna? Thank you for being here. Oh my gosh, Jay,

32
00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:51,040
Speaker 1: this genuinely feels like such a dream come true. I'm

33
00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:53,400
Speaker 1: getting so many brownie points in my mom's world for

34
00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:56,280
Speaker 1: being with you today. But thank you for having me.

35
00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:58,920
Speaker 1: This is such a dream. Well, no, we became friends,

36
00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:01,040
Speaker 1: I think now it's like three years ago. I think

37
00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:03,640
Speaker 1: when we're in Portant we go together, want to me

38
00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:06,080
Speaker 1: with your beautiful family as well, and then we hung

39
00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:08,280
Speaker 1: out in Napa more recently, and I know you and

40
00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:12,120
Speaker 1: rather you have been connecting and collaborating and so I

41
00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:15,079
Speaker 1: was so happy to do this with you. Honestly, it's

42
00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:19,160
Speaker 1: it's my greatest joy to you know, just see friends

43
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:21,840
Speaker 1: do incredible things and support them, and I think that

44
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:25,200
Speaker 1: all of us are really looking for that. I was

45
00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:28,920
Speaker 1: saying to my team today that I really love doing

46
00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:32,680
Speaker 1: what I do, but what I'm excited about is having

47
00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:36,120
Speaker 1: history with people. So I love the idea. One of

48
00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:38,840
Speaker 1: my greatest values is when I'm fifty and then when

49
00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:41,520
Speaker 1: I'm seventy five, It's like, I want to look back

50
00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:45,600
Speaker 1: and I want someone to look back with. And that's

51
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,680
Speaker 1: why I think friendships are so important to me too,

52
00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:51,400
Speaker 1: because when you can look back at twenty thirty, forty

53
00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:54,120
Speaker 1: fifty years with the same people and say, look what

54
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:55,960
Speaker 1: we did, that's what we did, and that's what we

55
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:58,720
Speaker 1: did together. You know, I really appreciate that. So thank

56
00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:02,240
Speaker 1: you for giving me this opportunity. But the title of

57
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:06,480
Speaker 1: your book is how are you really? And I love

58
00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:11,120
Speaker 1: that you, you know, very much emphasize the importance of

59
00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:15,000
Speaker 1: that question and the depth of that question, because I

60
00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,480
Speaker 1: think today we ask how are you? All the time?

61
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,640
Speaker 1: So I wanted to ask you to start off with

62
00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:22,840
Speaker 1: then I'll answer the question too, to be honest and vulnerable,

63
00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:27,440
Speaker 1: how are you really today in this moment, and then

64
00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:29,000
Speaker 1: I'll have a go and telling you how I am

65
00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:32,160
Speaker 1: really too. I can't wait you know, I didn't make

66
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:34,520
Speaker 1: a mistake, but when I named the book that I

67
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,320
Speaker 1: should have known that every time I talked to someone

68
00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:41,200
Speaker 1: now they ask and I'm being called into honesty, which

69
00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:43,920
Speaker 1: I think is so beautiful. And there is such a

70
00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:47,280
Speaker 1: big differentiator between like how are you and it's like good, fine, busy,

71
00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:50,200
Speaker 1: but like when you feel safe, especially when you're with

72
00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:51,880
Speaker 1: someone that you love and you know, and they like

73
00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:53,960
Speaker 1: lean in and they're like, but how are you really,

74
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:57,560
Speaker 1: You're like okay. And I've been describing this season of

75
00:03:57,640 --> 00:03:59,760
Speaker 1: my life. So I have two little ones, very little.

76
00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:02,600
Speaker 1: One is three, one is a few months old. And

77
00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:06,119
Speaker 1: I said, this season of life, I feel stretched, and

78
00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:08,320
Speaker 1: I feel stretched in a beautiful way because I have

79
00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:11,760
Speaker 1: so much love for being a mom. But I also

80
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:15,080
Speaker 1: have never loved my work more and it just sometimes

81
00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:18,840
Speaker 1: feels like a lot of love to carry and it's

82
00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:21,320
Speaker 1: like the fullness of it is never lost on me.

83
00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:25,160
Speaker 1: And so we're in this season of like total sleep deprivation.

84
00:04:25,279 --> 00:04:28,279
Speaker 1: At home. My toddler recently started sleeping in a big

85
00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:31,000
Speaker 1: girl bed. There are probably five times a night where

86
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:33,880
Speaker 1: there is a little one at my feet saying mommy, mommy,

87
00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:37,520
Speaker 1: and I'm in this season where it's like this energy

88
00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:40,960
Speaker 1: can only come from something other than myself, because I

89
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:45,839
Speaker 1: feel so electrically energized and excited about the work I'm doing,

90
00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:48,440
Speaker 1: but also like the life I'm living offline. So to

91
00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:51,479
Speaker 1: answer your question, it all feels heavy and full, but

92
00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:57,280
Speaker 1: in the best way possible. Now, how are you really? Yeah? No,

93
00:04:57,440 --> 00:05:02,839
Speaker 1: thank you for that very full and you know, textured answer.

94
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:06,359
Speaker 1: I think one of the things I loved about what

95
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:09,840
Speaker 1: you said, and it's inspired my response as well, is

96
00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:13,040
Speaker 1: you were saying that you're in a particular season, and

97
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,600
Speaker 1: I think that that is such a healthy way of

98
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:19,440
Speaker 1: thinking how you are. And I think often we do

99
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:23,800
Speaker 1: one of two things. We look at things too minutely,

100
00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:25,960
Speaker 1: where it's like this is how I am right now,

101
00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:28,760
Speaker 1: and that can feel like a lot of pressure because

102
00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:33,000
Speaker 1: I could feel totally different within thirty seconds of drinking

103
00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:35,760
Speaker 1: some water or going on a walk or looking outside

104
00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:38,760
Speaker 1: the window. Or we sometimes say well, this is how

105
00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:43,600
Speaker 1: the year's going, and that's sometimes scary as well, because

106
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,640
Speaker 1: it feels like we can't control anything until December thirty first,

107
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,720
Speaker 1: and we have to wait till jan first again. So

108
00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:52,800
Speaker 1: I love that you use the word season, and I

109
00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:54,960
Speaker 1: would say that I'm in the season right now, and

110
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:57,719
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm constantly in this season. I'm in

111
00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:01,560
Speaker 1: a season of like lots of growth, lots of being

112
00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:05,200
Speaker 1: outside of my comfort zone. And I'm in a season

113
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:09,920
Speaker 1: also of I'm actually finishing writing my second book right now,

114
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:13,560
Speaker 1: so I'm in the process of completing a creative journey

115
00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:17,440
Speaker 1: that takes everything out of me, and I'm about to

116
00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:21,080
Speaker 1: open up to a new world of creativity because I'm

117
00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:23,640
Speaker 1: now going to have that time and energy back to

118
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:26,520
Speaker 1: translate it in another direction. So I feel like I'm

119
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:30,320
Speaker 1: at this transition, and I find that transitions are always

120
00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:34,600
Speaker 1: tiring and exhausting because you're about to complete, let go

121
00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:37,520
Speaker 1: and sign off on something, and then you're thinking about

122
00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:40,880
Speaker 1: what to do next, and that's always like that little

123
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:44,640
Speaker 1: moment of discomfort and unease that comes with that transition.

124
00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:47,719
Speaker 1: So that's how I am really Oh my gosh, you know,

125
00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,919
Speaker 1: it's interesting. There's so much that goes into writing a

126
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,960
Speaker 1: book that I think is surprising, and until you do

127
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:58,080
Speaker 1: the journey, you don't recognize that. And one thing that

128
00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:01,000
Speaker 1: I think is fascinating that our friend Brendan Burchard actually

129
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:03,040
Speaker 1: told me that I thought was so beautiful is that

130
00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:05,760
Speaker 1: when you're writing a book, it really does feel like

131
00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:08,560
Speaker 1: your life's work, right, Like you pour your heart and

132
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:11,200
Speaker 1: your soul and your everything into it. He said something

133
00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:13,600
Speaker 1: to me, and he said, you know, Jennet, this is

134
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:16,160
Speaker 1: not your life's work. This is an important piece of

135
00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:19,120
Speaker 1: work in your life. And I thought, oh, that is

136
00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:22,640
Speaker 1: so beautiful because it's so tempting to dive head first

137
00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:24,560
Speaker 1: in and like kind of crawl out of the hole

138
00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:26,760
Speaker 1: when you finally get there. So I thought that was

139
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,600
Speaker 1: such a good reminder for all of us who are

140
00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:31,880
Speaker 1: working on projects or relationships or careers or whatever that

141
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:34,520
Speaker 1: might be, or your health of like, this isn't your

142
00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:36,640
Speaker 1: life's work. It's just an important piece of work in

143
00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:41,240
Speaker 1: your life. Yeah. Wow, that's such a refreshing perspective. And

144
00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:45,920
Speaker 1: I love that little shift in mindset that changes it completely.

145
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,280
Speaker 1: But let's dive in. You know, both of us gave

146
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:53,240
Speaker 1: very I think honestances and vulnerablelnces, and you know, I

147
00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:56,800
Speaker 1: think that it's probably taken us some time to get

148
00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:59,280
Speaker 1: to be able to do that. And you talk about

149
00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:02,160
Speaker 1: this in your book, the idea that some of us

150
00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:07,200
Speaker 1: actually afraid to answer that question and acknowledge the problems

151
00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:10,680
Speaker 1: and the challenges and the discomfort that comes with that question.

152
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,680
Speaker 1: So we often find it easier to say I'm fine,

153
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:17,440
Speaker 1: it's okay, you know, the usual, the same old, But

154
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:22,360
Speaker 1: you're actually saying that it's healthy to try and acknowledge,

155
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:28,200
Speaker 1: accept and go there. Why is it critical, necessary and

156
00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:33,040
Speaker 1: integral for us to try and face the real answer

157
00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:36,240
Speaker 1: to that question? Why is that so important? When I

158
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:38,760
Speaker 1: think about the question how are you? Really? A lot

159
00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:41,079
Speaker 1: of times people think about it in context of conversation

160
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:44,080
Speaker 1: with someone else, but really, when I think about it,

161
00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:47,080
Speaker 1: it's about coming home to yourself. And we live in

162
00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:49,760
Speaker 1: this culture where it's like we're constantly distracted. It's really

163
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:52,440
Speaker 1: easy for me as a mom to see it with children,

164
00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:55,320
Speaker 1: where you're like, children don't know how to be bored anymore.

165
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,040
Speaker 1: They don't know how to be creative anymore. They're so

166
00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:00,920
Speaker 1: used to being like pacified with screens. Are different things,

167
00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,840
Speaker 1: And when I look at it through the lens of children,

168
00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:07,320
Speaker 1: I suddenly see, oh wait, adults are like ten times worse.

169
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:10,280
Speaker 1: We are the kind of people who bring our phones

170
00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:13,120
Speaker 1: to the restroom with us, Like we skip shavasana at

171
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,160
Speaker 1: the end of a yoga session because we don't believe

172
00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:17,720
Speaker 1: we deserve the rest, Like there are so many ways

173
00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:21,679
Speaker 1: that we avoid getting quiet with ourselves, and it's really

174
00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:24,640
Speaker 1: easy to do because we are busier than ever, right,

175
00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:26,880
Speaker 1: Like busy is the badge of honor. If you're busy,

176
00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:29,280
Speaker 1: you must be doing well. And what I think is

177
00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:32,840
Speaker 1: really fascinating about that is that we start to tune

178
00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:35,880
Speaker 1: out like the whispers of like our own soul, like

179
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:40,320
Speaker 1: the divine pieces of ourselves that are guiding us, so

180
00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:42,920
Speaker 1: that we listen to the noise of the world and

181
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:46,680
Speaker 1: it gets really uncomfortable and it gets really hard to discern,

182
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,880
Speaker 1: like what is my intuition, What is my soul telling me?

183
00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:52,240
Speaker 1: What is the world telling me? And how do these

184
00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:55,480
Speaker 1: two coexist? And I think that in truth, you know,

185
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:58,040
Speaker 1: with the culture that we're in, they have to coexist.

186
00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:01,320
Speaker 1: But there's a difference between being the passenger on a

187
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:03,760
Speaker 1: journey and being in the driver's seat. And a lot

188
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:05,960
Speaker 1: of times the noise of the world is the driver's

189
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:08,360
Speaker 1: seat for us, and our intuition might be that garment

190
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:11,600
Speaker 1: that hasn't been updated since twenty ten that's telling us

191
00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:16,120
Speaker 1: like redirect, redirect, redirect, And I feel like whenever I

192
00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:18,600
Speaker 1: talk to people and they're going through a massive life change,

193
00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:20,560
Speaker 1: whether it's a breakup or a career change or a

194
00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,200
Speaker 1: health change. You asked them like did you have that

195
00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:26,600
Speaker 1: inner knowing? Like did you have that ping? And a

196
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:29,160
Speaker 1: lot of times they'll say, yeah, I knew something was off,

197
00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:30,840
Speaker 1: or I knew I needed a change, or I knew

198
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,440
Speaker 1: I was out of alignment, but I didn't listen. And

199
00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:35,760
Speaker 1: so this idea of like how are you really isn't

200
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:39,720
Speaker 1: necessarily just about in conversation. It's about how am I really?

201
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:42,840
Speaker 1: Am I faking that I'm enjoying my life? Am I

202
00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:46,640
Speaker 1: putting on a public persona for the world online but

203
00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:50,280
Speaker 1: offline I'm miserable? Am I really yearning for something different?

204
00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:53,160
Speaker 1: And so it's really this invitation to get quiet with

205
00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:56,760
Speaker 1: yourself and to learn how to invite in that margin

206
00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:58,880
Speaker 1: in that time. And Jay, you are one of the

207
00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:02,040
Speaker 1: best at helping people get to that place. I mean,

208
00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:05,880
Speaker 1: your meditations have been this constant in my life because

209
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:09,480
Speaker 1: it's this invitation of getting quiet. And I don't know

210
00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:11,559
Speaker 1: about you, but for a long time I've always just

211
00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:14,600
Speaker 1: told myself, like, I can't meditate, my brain is too busy.

212
00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:17,240
Speaker 1: I operated at a higher level all these things, but

213
00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:19,560
Speaker 1: I had to train myself in how to do that,

214
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:21,760
Speaker 1: just as I had to train myself to run a

215
00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:24,440
Speaker 1: race or to work as hard as I do. Yeah,

216
00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:26,640
Speaker 1: I love I love what you spoke about there and

217
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:30,720
Speaker 1: how it's beyond the conversation but the idea of listening

218
00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:34,720
Speaker 1: to our real selves and listening to that voice. And

219
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:37,200
Speaker 1: you're so right. I loved what you said about how

220
00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:41,280
Speaker 1: we are constantly feeling or we say things like oh

221
00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:43,920
Speaker 1: I wasn't aligned or I wasn't listening then, so that

222
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:46,960
Speaker 1: means we know it's there, but we keep trying to

223
00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:51,319
Speaker 1: put it off, and it's almost like it's it's I mean,

224
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:54,520
Speaker 1: this is a very crude example, but it's just reality.

225
00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:59,000
Speaker 1: I was having a bit of pain physically recently and

226
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,520
Speaker 1: it was recurring, like it just kept coming up and

227
00:12:01,559 --> 00:12:06,400
Speaker 1: more often. And then my trainer, physical trainer, he said

228
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,480
Speaker 1: to me, he said, have you had this before we

229
00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:10,920
Speaker 1: were working out or have you just had it now?

230
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:13,120
Speaker 1: And that got me to think about it. And then

231
00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:15,880
Speaker 1: I started to think about it and I couldn't remember when.

232
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:20,360
Speaker 1: And then this weekend I went to a trampoline park

233
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:23,040
Speaker 1: with one of my closest friends and their kids like

234
00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:26,080
Speaker 1: their sons, like two years old, and so we went

235
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:28,120
Speaker 1: to a trampoline park messing around with him on the

236
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:31,280
Speaker 1: trampoline park. Obviously, I got two carried away. I felt

237
00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:33,480
Speaker 1: like I stread something came back again. I was like,

238
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:37,160
Speaker 1: oh no, it's definitely triggered through physical activity. Realized that

239
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:40,440
Speaker 1: two years ago I felt the same thing while playing basketball,

240
00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:44,199
Speaker 1: and I was like, wow, I've been feeling something physically

241
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:47,320
Speaker 1: for two years, but I waited for it to get

242
00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:51,440
Speaker 1: really bad and happen more often, to listen to it,

243
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:55,400
Speaker 1: pat to pay attention. And that's something physical. What about

244
00:12:55,440 --> 00:13:00,920
Speaker 1: something emotional and mental and relational and people based? And

245
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:02,920
Speaker 1: so I love what you said about the idea of

246
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:07,320
Speaker 1: listening and silence and stillness being the best place you

247
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:11,560
Speaker 1: can listen. How have you learned? And I'm intrigued by this,

248
00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:15,600
Speaker 1: how have you learned? As someone who is busy, who

249
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,640
Speaker 1: is a mother, who is an entrepreneur, who who is

250
00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:21,480
Speaker 1: a wife? You play so many roles, you know, you're

251
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:24,320
Speaker 1: writing a book on top of all of that. How

252
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:27,559
Speaker 1: have you found what is stillness to you? And I'm

253
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:29,520
Speaker 1: asking that to you as who you are, because I

254
00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:31,400
Speaker 1: think when people talk to me, they know I meditate,

255
00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:34,439
Speaker 1: they know I have these practices. I was lucky enough

256
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,120
Speaker 1: to be among for three years where I learned so

257
00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:39,480
Speaker 1: many practices. But as someone who's in the real world

258
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:42,760
Speaker 1: in challenging situations constantly, what does stillness mean for you?

259
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:45,840
Speaker 1: And what does it look like for you? Yeah, there's

260
00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:49,600
Speaker 1: this chapter in the book called My Soul Shavasana. Because

261
00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:52,520
Speaker 1: I used to go to yoga and I did it

262
00:13:52,559 --> 00:13:55,160
Speaker 1: for the workout. I like missed the whole point right,

263
00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:57,719
Speaker 1: like it's called a practice, not an art, like we're

264
00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:01,400
Speaker 1: supposed to be practicing it. And as an achiever and

265
00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:04,160
Speaker 1: someone who loves to achieve, I always was the person

266
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,240
Speaker 1: in the class like comparing myself like did I get

267
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,480
Speaker 1: that bind? Can I do the headstand? And at the

268
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:11,120
Speaker 1: end of the class, it pained me to lay on

269
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,960
Speaker 1: the mat, like I told myself, like you didn't deserve this,

270
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,720
Speaker 1: you didn't sweat hard enough. You know all of these things.

271
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,760
Speaker 1: And when I look at my life, it's so easy

272
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:23,280
Speaker 1: to delay rest. It's like we keep pushing the finish

273
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:26,720
Speaker 1: line further and further. I'll rest when, I'll rest, then

274
00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:29,680
Speaker 1: I'll celebrate when and we like keep pushing these lines

275
00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:32,600
Speaker 1: out so that we never arrive. And what I think

276
00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:36,320
Speaker 1: is fascinating is that I've honestly had to learn how

277
00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:39,120
Speaker 1: to rest. I've literally had to look at it kind

278
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:41,480
Speaker 1: of like a couch to five k but in reverse,

279
00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:44,160
Speaker 1: like I'm running the five k daily. How do I

280
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:47,880
Speaker 1: get myself back on the couch without feeling guilty, without

281
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:51,880
Speaker 1: feeling like I'm lazy or complacent or any of those things.

282
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:57,600
Speaker 1: Because I really think our culture has confused contentness with complacency,

283
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,640
Speaker 1: and if we're content, we believe that we should be

284
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:03,480
Speaker 1: achieving more, we're not using our full potential. But I

285
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:06,680
Speaker 1: think being content is the most beautiful gift you can

286
00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,720
Speaker 1: give yourself. It means that you're like fully in the moment,

287
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:12,520
Speaker 1: You're fully filled with gratitude, you're fully present, You're in

288
00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:16,800
Speaker 1: life as it's happening. And so for me getting quiet

289
00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:18,360
Speaker 1: with myself, there's this part at the end of the

290
00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:20,840
Speaker 1: book where I joke because I'm like, I love listening

291
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:24,080
Speaker 1: to like incredible personal development people who are like, you know,

292
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:26,000
Speaker 1: you wake up and you do your morning pages, and

293
00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:28,040
Speaker 1: you do your meditation and you do all these things,

294
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,560
Speaker 1: because I think that's beautiful. But in this stage of life,

295
00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:32,720
Speaker 1: I am clinging to every second of sleep I can

296
00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:35,280
Speaker 1: possibly get because I'm up in the middle of the night,

297
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:37,080
Speaker 1: and so I'm like, oh my god, I would love

298
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:40,720
Speaker 1: those things. But rest comes in these tiny, infinite, small

299
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,040
Speaker 1: moments for me. And one of the things that I've

300
00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:45,840
Speaker 1: had to do is that I often feel pulled in

301
00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:49,360
Speaker 1: many directions. So there's this line out there for working mothers,

302
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:52,120
Speaker 1: because I believe all mothers are working, but specifically women

303
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,880
Speaker 1: with careers who are also mothers, and it's like we're

304
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:57,360
Speaker 1: supposed to work, like we don't have children and parent,

305
00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:00,440
Speaker 1: like we don't have a job, and that can really

306
00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:03,640
Speaker 1: weigh on you, like it can really pull you. And

307
00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:06,200
Speaker 1: so I've had to adopt this practice of when I

308
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:09,480
Speaker 1: crossed the threshold into a room, whether it's an office,

309
00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:12,560
Speaker 1: my bedroom, the house, the living room, my daughter's room,

310
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,400
Speaker 1: like whatever that is, I have to really like plant

311
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:18,680
Speaker 1: my feet and like actually cross through with intention to

312
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:22,680
Speaker 1: just be here now. Because my brain could be thinking

313
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,800
Speaker 1: about an email while I'm reading Doctor SEUs, and I

314
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:28,120
Speaker 1: could be writing an email and thinking about nap time

315
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:31,200
Speaker 1: or nursing or whatever it is. And so I've really

316
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:34,240
Speaker 1: had to just invite stillness in really small segments in

317
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:37,720
Speaker 1: my life and prioritize that in a meaningful way. But

318
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:41,120
Speaker 1: I really yearn for and look forward to those days

319
00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:44,080
Speaker 1: where I can have more of that. And I think

320
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:47,280
Speaker 1: that again, we look at seasons and if I've learned

321
00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:50,960
Speaker 1: anything specifically about motherhood, it's all temporary, it's all fleeting,

322
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,520
Speaker 1: it all goes by so fast, and so just kind

323
00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:55,920
Speaker 1: of being where you are but knowing where you want

324
00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:58,240
Speaker 1: to go. That's kind of where I'm sitting today. Oh

325
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:01,840
Speaker 1: that's beautiful. Yeah, I don't agree more too. I wonder

326
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,919
Speaker 1: as you were saying that, and I'm literally just sitting

327
00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:07,200
Speaker 1: with you and thinking with you and hearing you out,

328
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,520
Speaker 1: and I'm like, how have you made sense, Jena, of

329
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:14,960
Speaker 1: your identity of who you are? Because I you know,

330
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,840
Speaker 1: the book really does dive into like who you are,

331
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,080
Speaker 1: and I find like we've we adopt so many titles.

332
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:26,760
Speaker 1: I often say to my team, I'm like, I find

333
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,679
Speaker 1: it really hard to choose a title for who I

334
00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:31,879
Speaker 1: am and what I do. I really don't enjoy it.

335
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,399
Speaker 1: And so whenever they ask like, oh, Jay, what do

336
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:37,000
Speaker 1: you want us to put from your bio onto this thing,

337
00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:40,400
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't like that at you know human

338
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:45,520
Speaker 1: being being human? Yeah, exactly, exactly exactly. When someone asked me, like,

339
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:48,120
Speaker 1: who are you and what do you do? My answer

340
00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:51,560
Speaker 1: to that is I am someone who's trying to help

341
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:54,360
Speaker 1: people discover their purpose and live up to their potential,

342
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:58,000
Speaker 1: whatever that may be. Like, that's who I am. I'm

343
00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:01,520
Speaker 1: not an author or a podcast or a coach or

344
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,680
Speaker 1: which is all the things I have to say I

345
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,920
Speaker 1: am to make sense. And then I think about that,

346
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,560
Speaker 1: how many things do we say about ourselves so that

347
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:13,359
Speaker 1: it makes sense to other people, but may stop making

348
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:18,159
Speaker 1: sense or feeling sense like to ourselves. So, how have

349
00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:25,679
Speaker 1: you made sense of your identity? As more titles, more expectations,

350
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:29,639
Speaker 1: more achievements and things come in the mix, more responsibilities,

351
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,520
Speaker 1: how do you see yourself? I'm intrigued by that. Yeah,

352
00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:35,520
Speaker 1: I love this because I really struggled. So there's this

353
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:39,560
Speaker 1: idea of identity foreclosure. I learned about it on my podcast.

354
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:42,160
Speaker 1: There was an amazing woman, doctor Maya Shanker, who came

355
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:48,040
Speaker 1: on and yeah, y, she's amazing, and she was talking

356
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:50,679
Speaker 1: about it and she said something that has just stuck

357
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,640
Speaker 1: with me, and she's like, it's the same reason why

358
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:55,040
Speaker 1: we hang on to jeans that don't fit, and we

359
00:18:55,119 --> 00:18:57,480
Speaker 1: complete degrees when we know we don't want to even

360
00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:00,600
Speaker 1: finish them. In work in that area, it's this idea

361
00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:02,880
Speaker 1: of like, well, I've already come so far, and why

362
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:05,160
Speaker 1: would I make that a waste of time? Or why

363
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:08,240
Speaker 1: would I change? And I have really had to learn

364
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:11,440
Speaker 1: how to welcome change into my life because I feel

365
00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:14,359
Speaker 1: like I am constantly on the precipice of like who

366
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:18,720
Speaker 1: I am becoming? And for me, my career path has

367
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,080
Speaker 1: been all over the place. So I worked in corporate America,

368
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:24,560
Speaker 1: had a fancy five word title, then decided to pick

369
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,240
Speaker 1: up a camera. My camera became my vehicle out of

370
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,840
Speaker 1: that job. And Jay, just like you were saying, like

371
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:33,160
Speaker 1: author podcast, all these things, those are just the vehicles

372
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:35,600
Speaker 1: to get your mission out into the world, right Like

373
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:38,600
Speaker 1: they're not necessarily who you are, They're just the methods

374
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:42,000
Speaker 1: to get the message. And so it's been super interesting

375
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:45,240
Speaker 1: to me because I feel like I'm constantly changing and evolving,

376
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:48,600
Speaker 1: and to me, the mission matters so much more than

377
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:52,160
Speaker 1: the method. And so for me, like being a mom

378
00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:55,720
Speaker 1: is like my number one thing. It's like my identity marker.

379
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:58,600
Speaker 1: And I think some of it too is because I

380
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:00,639
Speaker 1: yearned for it for so long. We went through a

381
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:03,320
Speaker 1: lot of obstacles in starting that, and so I always said, like,

382
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:06,320
Speaker 1: if I'm ever fortunate enough to have that title, I

383
00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:08,879
Speaker 1: will never take that title for granted because I watch

384
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:11,679
Speaker 1: other people get that and it pained me to see, like,

385
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:16,320
Speaker 1: you don't know the miracle that this is. But I agree.

386
00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:19,119
Speaker 1: I think that we are visionaries and the way that

387
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:22,240
Speaker 1: we do our work is like the missionaries of the mission,

388
00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:24,920
Speaker 1: and so it's like the methods of that, and so

389
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,200
Speaker 1: I always try And I'm from the Midwest, so a

390
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:29,919
Speaker 1: lot of people aren't super familiar with the world we're in,

391
00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:32,840
Speaker 1: and so try describing a podcast you're ninety three year

392
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:35,359
Speaker 1: old grandfather. I'm like, Grandpa, it's kind of like a

393
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,119
Speaker 1: sermon where I talk about business, and it's like a

394
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:40,960
Speaker 1: radio show, but you can listen to it anytime. And

395
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:44,080
Speaker 1: so it's like, none of that matters more than the

396
00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:46,560
Speaker 1: mission and who we are. And I think who we

397
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:50,760
Speaker 1: are offline is more important than who we are online. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

398
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:54,000
Speaker 1: I couldn't agree with you more. I think I always

399
00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:55,920
Speaker 1: I was saying to a friend yesterday the other day

400
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:59,760
Speaker 1: that I feel like the stuff that I get to

401
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:03,040
Speaker 1: do in my private life is even more fun than

402
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:05,560
Speaker 1: the stuff I get to do in my public life,

403
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:09,399
Speaker 1: and most people are unaware of the private life, and

404
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:12,720
Speaker 1: and I get joy out of it. And I think

405
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:16,560
Speaker 1: there's something about that that I think it's important to protect.

406
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:20,240
Speaker 1: What I find fascinating about what you do, though, especially

407
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:23,240
Speaker 1: with this book, is like you're really try getting people

408
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:26,679
Speaker 1: to bust the myths that our generation kind of adopted,

409
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:31,880
Speaker 1: like hustling harder, having to have this, have that wake

410
00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:34,480
Speaker 1: up at this certain time and tell me about the

411
00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:38,439
Speaker 1: times when you did hustle hard. And because what I

412
00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:40,760
Speaker 1: find different about when you say that is you're not

413
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:44,280
Speaker 1: someone who didn't know how to hustle hard. You're someone

414
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:48,320
Speaker 1: who definitely knows how to hustle hard and was successful

415
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:51,920
Speaker 1: hustling hard, but then realized its shortcomings, which is why

416
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:54,720
Speaker 1: I appreciate it from your perspective. So, when you're in

417
00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:56,879
Speaker 1: that corporate job in America and you're hustling hard, can

418
00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:00,560
Speaker 1: you walk us through about why the romanticization and about

419
00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:03,479
Speaker 1: hustling hod kind of you know, didn't work for you.

420
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:05,440
Speaker 1: So I want to preface this because I think this

421
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,560
Speaker 1: is an important point and I think your audience will

422
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:09,920
Speaker 1: really resonate with this. But I feel like we live

423
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:12,600
Speaker 1: in such a polarizing time in so many different ways.

424
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:15,520
Speaker 1: But part of that polarization is that we feel like

425
00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:20,199
Speaker 1: there's two camps, especially for achievers. There is the hustle

426
00:22:20,359 --> 00:22:24,800
Speaker 1: culture camp, and then there's the manifestation camp. The Manifestation

427
00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:27,479
Speaker 1: Camp and the hustle camp. They believe that only one

428
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:30,639
Speaker 1: of these can exist. And so what's interesting about me

429
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:33,000
Speaker 1: and my book and my ideology is it's kind of

430
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,199
Speaker 1: like where the woo meets the work, like where the

431
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:39,240
Speaker 1: vision meets the action, and it's in a sustainable way

432
00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:42,560
Speaker 1: that keeps you in your life. And so I tell

433
00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:45,000
Speaker 1: the story about how I was in my corporate job

434
00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:47,160
Speaker 1: and I sat down with my boss and she gives

435
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,280
Speaker 1: me my five year plan, like, gives it to me,

436
00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:51,639
Speaker 1: doesn't ask me about it, doesn't ask me like what

437
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:53,560
Speaker 1: do you want? What do you see for yourself? Like

438
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:55,919
Speaker 1: what's next for you? And it was this wake up

439
00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:58,040
Speaker 1: call of like I am literally climbing a ladder that

440
00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:00,399
Speaker 1: someone else is putting in front of me without ever

441
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:02,240
Speaker 1: checking me in Is this what I want? Is this

442
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:04,280
Speaker 1: what I envisioned for my life? Do I want the

443
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:08,160
Speaker 1: promotion if it means more responsibility. And I've had these

444
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,520
Speaker 1: different seasons in my life, and I think that everyone

445
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,960
Speaker 1: hits them where there we look at our time and money,

446
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:16,320
Speaker 1: but we don't look at our energy. And I think

447
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:19,719
Speaker 1: energy is everything. And so there are seasons of my

448
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:22,560
Speaker 1: life where I traded my time in order to make money.

449
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,960
Speaker 1: And then there are seasons of my life where I

450
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:27,680
Speaker 1: have been able to take money and get back time

451
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:30,920
Speaker 1: right things like Instacart or uber or whatever that looks like.

452
00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:33,719
Speaker 1: But a lot of times we forget about like our energy.

453
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:36,160
Speaker 1: And I don't know about you, but like I've arrived

454
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:38,840
Speaker 1: at certain places and I've gotten to these goals or

455
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:41,159
Speaker 1: these big milestones, and I land there and I'm like,

456
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:44,600
Speaker 1: I thought this would feel different, Like it looks great,

457
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:46,879
Speaker 1: but I thought it would feel different. Maybe I'm not

458
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,160
Speaker 1: going hard enough, Maybe I need to do more. Maybe

459
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:52,080
Speaker 1: it's the next thing that'll feel good. And I've recognized

460
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:54,880
Speaker 1: that that's not the case. Like I want to live

461
00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:58,120
Speaker 1: a life that feels better than it looks. And so

462
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:01,000
Speaker 1: I have had these seasons of hustle that have led

463
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:04,040
Speaker 1: to burnout. But after the burnout, for me, I always

464
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:07,560
Speaker 1: have this breakthrough and the breakthrough is usually that somewhere

465
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:10,040
Speaker 1: in the course of the pursuit, I got off the path,

466
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:12,840
Speaker 1: and now I've got to redirect or figure out a

467
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:16,200
Speaker 1: new map, or reassess the direction I'm heading. And I've

468
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,920
Speaker 1: pivoted so many times in my career, and thankfully I've

469
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:22,159
Speaker 1: pivoted successfully. But I've gone from being a photographer to

470
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,560
Speaker 1: a watercolor artist, to a speaker, to a podcast or

471
00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:27,280
Speaker 1: to a course creator, all of these different things. And

472
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:30,320
Speaker 1: I believe that people have followed me because of my energy,

473
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:32,399
Speaker 1: not because of the time or the money, but like

474
00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:35,280
Speaker 1: they can feel the heart and they can sense the alignment.

475
00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:37,720
Speaker 1: And so I feel like there's this really call to

476
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:42,160
Speaker 1: people to pay attention to how are you energetically feeling?

477
00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:45,200
Speaker 1: Like I haven't slept a full night in three weeks,

478
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:48,080
Speaker 1: but I am so energized and excited because I've never

479
00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:51,480
Speaker 1: been in alignment better in my work life, like I've

480
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:54,520
Speaker 1: never felt more in alignment. And so it's this interesting

481
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,520
Speaker 1: thing where we focus so much on time and money,

482
00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:58,800
Speaker 1: and that a lot of times attributes to the burnout,

483
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:01,320
Speaker 1: attributes to the hustle. But if we check in with

484
00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:03,560
Speaker 1: ourselves and see where our energy is, I think that

485
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:06,359
Speaker 1: can be the compass that then guides us forward. What

486
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:08,000
Speaker 1: are some of the things that you've found that you

487
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:11,040
Speaker 1: feel drain your or our energy, and what are some

488
00:25:11,119 --> 00:25:14,119
Speaker 1: of the things that give and drive your energy? Because

489
00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:20,040
Speaker 1: as soon as you talked about the ratio of time, money,

490
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:24,359
Speaker 1: and energy, I was completely with you. I think those

491
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,320
Speaker 1: money and time are always like the levels that we're

492
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:31,600
Speaker 1: trying to play with, and the real thing that we're

493
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:34,399
Speaker 1: missing out on is energy. So I'm completely with you.

494
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:36,320
Speaker 1: But yeah, what are the things that drain and drive

495
00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:40,760
Speaker 1: your energy? Or you think generally, maybe more scalably, drain

496
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:44,239
Speaker 1: and drive all of our energy. Yeah, I feel like

497
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:46,639
Speaker 1: if you pull up your calendar and you hate what

498
00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:49,040
Speaker 1: you see coming up, that's a good sign that you're

499
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:50,840
Speaker 1: out of alignment. Have you ever looked at your calendar

500
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:53,520
Speaker 1: and you're like, who booked this? And then you're like, oh, no,

501
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:56,199
Speaker 1: that was me, Like I said yes to all of

502
00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:59,480
Speaker 1: these things. And I have been in seasons like that

503
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:03,520
Speaker 1: and really recognize like I am not looking forward to life,

504
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:07,560
Speaker 1: like I am dreading these agreements, or I'm overextended, or

505
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:10,359
Speaker 1: I'm stretched too thin, and I feel it, and a

506
00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:13,680
Speaker 1: lot of times it's us saying yes and not having boundaries.

507
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:16,800
Speaker 1: And so for me, I'm actually quite introverted. A lot

508
00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:19,600
Speaker 1: of our friends surprisingly are. We're the people that can

509
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:21,920
Speaker 1: stand on a stage and talk to thousands of people,

510
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,280
Speaker 1: but if we get into a room with strangers, were

511
00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:27,160
Speaker 1: like the ones like awkwardly standing in the corner and

512
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:29,840
Speaker 1: so really paying attention to like what sort of boundaries

513
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:32,080
Speaker 1: do I need to have in place that protect my

514
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:34,840
Speaker 1: energy but allow me to do work that's meaningful. And

515
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:37,959
Speaker 1: so when the pandemic hit and life shifted, I was like,

516
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:41,280
Speaker 1: I have been training my entire life for this. I

517
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:43,840
Speaker 1: started my business in a town of twelve hundred. I

518
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,520
Speaker 1: live in smalltown Minnesota. I've been trying to convince people

519
00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:48,840
Speaker 1: that so much can be done digitally over the years,

520
00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:51,080
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, I'm like, oh, I can

521
00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:53,760
Speaker 1: open my laptop, do my work, close it, and get

522
00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:56,080
Speaker 1: back to life. And so I think it takes a

523
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:59,440
Speaker 1: really great deal of self awareness. Because my husband Drew,

524
00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:02,400
Speaker 1: you know, he's an extrovert. He could talk to anyone.

525
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:06,000
Speaker 1: It is his greatest dream to go to the gym

526
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:08,040
Speaker 1: and talk to Bob while they're walking around the path,

527
00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:10,560
Speaker 1: like and figure out his life story. And to me,

528
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:13,320
Speaker 1: that kills me, like small talk kills me. And so

529
00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:16,159
Speaker 1: it's like, what is this self awareness on what drains

530
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:18,520
Speaker 1: you and what drives you? And how do you try

531
00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:21,040
Speaker 1: to pursue this blend of it? Because I think we're

532
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:23,399
Speaker 1: over this idea of balance, Like if you look at

533
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:28,760
Speaker 1: the definition of balance, it's maintaining a perfect balance of something,

534
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:32,080
Speaker 1: and like balance is a moment. It's not like something

535
00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:34,600
Speaker 1: that you can master. And so for me, it's like,

536
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:36,720
Speaker 1: what does this blend look like If I say my

537
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:39,480
Speaker 1: values are being a mom, but I'm committing to a

538
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:42,080
Speaker 1: work trip that takes me away for two weeks. Am

539
00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:44,600
Speaker 1: I in alignment with what I say is important to me?

540
00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:46,359
Speaker 1: And I think a lot of people right now if

541
00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:48,560
Speaker 1: they looked at their calendar and they said, you know,

542
00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:51,159
Speaker 1: my values are my health, or my family, or my

543
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:54,560
Speaker 1: relationships or this important work that I'm doing, but they

544
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:56,600
Speaker 1: looked at their calendar, they would see that they might

545
00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:59,040
Speaker 1: have gotten off course. And it's not a bad thing.

546
00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:02,480
Speaker 1: It's just an invitation to course correct. So in that example,

547
00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 1: which I think was such a great one, are you

548
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:10,680
Speaker 1: saying that we have to be more selective overall priorities

549
00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:15,520
Speaker 1: in a particular season, absolutely if you are able to.

550
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:18,280
Speaker 1: And honestly, Jay and I think it's important to note,

551
00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:20,280
Speaker 1: like it's a privilege to be able to say yes

552
00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:23,399
Speaker 1: and no to opportunities. Right, some people don't have that

553
00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 1: invitation to just say, you know, I'm not going to

554
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:28,000
Speaker 1: agree to that if that's something that's going to pay

555
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:30,840
Speaker 1: the bills. But at the same point in time. One

556
00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:33,520
Speaker 1: thing that I've been doing a lot lately is if

557
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:36,240
Speaker 1: I get an invitation when I'm in person with someone,

558
00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:38,920
Speaker 1: because i just love people's energy, and I'm so prone

559
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:41,560
Speaker 1: to say yes. I'm like the kind Midwest girl. I've

560
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:44,040
Speaker 1: been saying, let me check my calendar and get back

561
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:46,040
Speaker 1: to you on that, because a lot of times when

562
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:48,920
Speaker 1: I over commit on things energetically, in the moment, it

563
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:51,000
Speaker 1: feels right, but then when I look at it a

564
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:53,280
Speaker 1: week from now, a month from now, I'm like, ah, shoot,

565
00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:55,720
Speaker 1: like I shouldn't have committed to this. So there are

566
00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:58,640
Speaker 1: boundaries that I think can be really important that can

567
00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:01,520
Speaker 1: buy yourself the time to really assessed is this the

568
00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:04,280
Speaker 1: right opportunity, is it shiny? Is it going to guide

569
00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:06,840
Speaker 1: me forward? Is it going to serve others? Is this

570
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:09,080
Speaker 1: a clear yes or no, And I always think it's

571
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:11,400
Speaker 1: either like a hell yes or a heck no, And

572
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:13,560
Speaker 1: you've got to pick more of the hell yeses in

573
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:16,160
Speaker 1: your life. How have you learned to say no recently

574
00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:19,560
Speaker 1: to people who you deeply love and people you know

575
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:22,360
Speaker 1: care for you? And then you still want to say

576
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:24,680
Speaker 1: no for your values? Like have you have you had

577
00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:26,720
Speaker 1: to do that recently? Like how have you? I'm so

578
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:28,720
Speaker 1: good at how have you? Yeah, Okay, tell us walk

579
00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:30,920
Speaker 1: us through that a little bit, because I think, yeah,

580
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:32,560
Speaker 1: I had to do it. The other day. I had

581
00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:34,720
Speaker 1: someone reach out and they're like, yeah, I need you

582
00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:38,600
Speaker 1: to do this thing, and I send them my response,

583
00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 1: but I want to hear yours and then and then

584
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:41,719
Speaker 1: all that to it. But yeah, tell tell me how

585
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:44,800
Speaker 1: you deal with that. I'm intrigued. So boundaries are something

586
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:47,360
Speaker 1: that I think people are afraid of because when you

587
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:50,640
Speaker 1: think about boundaries, you think about like keeping something or

588
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:53,160
Speaker 1: someone out right, like you almost picture up like a

589
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:56,040
Speaker 1: fence around and that feels scary. But I have found

590
00:29:56,080 --> 00:29:59,320
Speaker 1: that boundaries keep us in our life, like the life

591
00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:02,040
Speaker 1: that we're meant be leaving. And when we have good boundaries,

592
00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:04,800
Speaker 1: it really invites us to be awake to the life

593
00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:07,800
Speaker 1: that we say we want. So, for example, when I

594
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:11,120
Speaker 1: was pregnant with my first daughter, Coco, I blacked out

595
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 1: the entire year following her birth. I had not a

596
00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:18,920
Speaker 1: single commitment on my calendar for an entire year. Now

597
00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:21,760
Speaker 1: was that scary? Absolutely? Did I fear that I would

598
00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:24,800
Speaker 1: lose momentum? Yes? Did I wonder would I become irrelevant

599
00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:27,920
Speaker 1: in that year? Of course? But I said that being

600
00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:30,520
Speaker 1: a mother was the greatest gift, the biggest miracle that

601
00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:32,560
Speaker 1: I could ever invite into my life. And you better

602
00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:34,120
Speaker 1: believe I was going to live that way. And I

603
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:36,920
Speaker 1: just didn't know what to expect. I didn't know if

604
00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:39,240
Speaker 1: I would thrive, if I would be flailing like I

605
00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:41,400
Speaker 1: didn't know, And I wanted to give myself space in

606
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:43,880
Speaker 1: time to adjust to that new life and that new

607
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:46,600
Speaker 1: version of who I was. And so I put up

608
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:49,680
Speaker 1: bumpers like I think about bowling and I think about boundaries.

609
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:52,360
Speaker 1: Is like bumpers that keep us in the lane, that

610
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:55,160
Speaker 1: keep us aligned and from falling in the gutter. And

611
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:58,560
Speaker 1: so I told my team, I said, if any inquiries

612
00:30:58,640 --> 00:31:01,040
Speaker 1: come in, I don't care who it is. I want

613
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:03,360
Speaker 1: for you to just send this polite decline to them.

614
00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:04,960
Speaker 1: I don't want to hear about it because I'm going

615
00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:06,920
Speaker 1: to want to say yes. I don't want to see

616
00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:08,960
Speaker 1: it because it's gonna make me aunty that I should

617
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:10,959
Speaker 1: do it. And I just want you to send this

618
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:13,440
Speaker 1: out and if it's the right thing, I truly believe

619
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:16,080
Speaker 1: it will come back in the right timing. I believe

620
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:18,520
Speaker 1: that that will happen. And so I also have a

621
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:21,480
Speaker 1: note on my phone that I use often, and it's

622
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:24,320
Speaker 1: when I get an invitation that's wonderful or from somebody

623
00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 1: I love, and all it says is, oh, my goodness, like,

624
00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:29,480
Speaker 1: thank you so much for considering me for this opportunity.

625
00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:32,640
Speaker 1: I'm so flattered and I'm so excited for you. Right now,

626
00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:34,680
Speaker 1: I have to politely decline, and I want for you

627
00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:37,200
Speaker 1: to know that this, in me declining, it is not

628
00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:39,880
Speaker 1: a reflection of you or your opportunity or the work

629
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:42,760
Speaker 1: that you're doing. It is solely a reflection of the

630
00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:45,880
Speaker 1: values that I'm living, and me saying yes to you

631
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:47,720
Speaker 1: right now means that I'm going to have to say

632
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:49,840
Speaker 1: no to what is most important to me, and right

633
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:52,720
Speaker 1: now that is my family. I truly hope you understand.

634
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:54,360
Speaker 1: I can't wait to work with you in the future.

635
00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:57,080
Speaker 1: I'm cheering you on as you go, wishing you the best,

636
00:31:57,120 --> 00:31:59,920
Speaker 1: and I also include a caveat that says, I hope

637
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:02,600
Speaker 1: that in me doing this, it is an invitation for

638
00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:05,600
Speaker 1: you to lean in and live out the values in

639
00:32:05,640 --> 00:32:09,160
Speaker 1: your life as well. Wow, what a message. That's amazing.

640
00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:11,960
Speaker 1: That's that's that's your beautiful. I haven't memorized because I

641
00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:14,200
Speaker 1: need it off. I know. I was like, Wow, that

642
00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:17,640
Speaker 1: is That's like a deep, genuine, word for word message.

643
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:22,640
Speaker 1: I love that. I mean, even just the depth of

644
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:25,719
Speaker 1: that message is so powerful, and I just want to

645
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:29,000
Speaker 1: take a moment everyone's listening or watching just to acknowledge

646
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:31,720
Speaker 1: that that often you can have a message it says, hey,

647
00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 1: thank you so much, I'm grateful, but I can't do

648
00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:37,040
Speaker 1: this right now. I hope you understand, and that's great.

649
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:40,320
Speaker 1: But the depth of that message to even remind someone

650
00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:43,800
Speaker 1: to follow their own values, to explain what your value

651
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:48,040
Speaker 1: is right now, I think so much is lost in

652
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:54,520
Speaker 1: not communicating our values and our priorities. And I don't

653
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,640
Speaker 1: think that we need to create a world where we

654
00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:02,320
Speaker 1: can more easily explain our priority and our values without

655
00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:05,160
Speaker 1: feeling uncomfortable about them. And I think often people think

656
00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:11,640
Speaker 1: they need to lie or make something up or constructing, right. Yeah,

657
00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:14,520
Speaker 1: And it's like when someone gets that message, not only

658
00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:17,840
Speaker 1: do they not understand you, actually haven't helped them understand

659
00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:22,120
Speaker 1: what they need to learn for themselves as well. And

660
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:24,320
Speaker 1: so yeah, I went through it. Recently. I sent a

661
00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:28,280
Speaker 1: similar message where I was really explaining that. I was like,

662
00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:31,200
Speaker 1: you know, this is why I struggle with this, and

663
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:33,920
Speaker 1: I was even explaining my struggle and how hard it

664
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:36,760
Speaker 1: is for me to say no, but how I know

665
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:39,360
Speaker 1: that if I say yes, I'm actually gonna let you

666
00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:43,000
Speaker 1: down even more later. And I just wanted to make

667
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:44,920
Speaker 1: you aware of that. And yes, I did tell my

668
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:47,960
Speaker 1: life story a little bit, but it was the same

669
00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:50,560
Speaker 1: point that I was like, I need to really explain

670
00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:55,760
Speaker 1: the context behind this message and this no. And I

671
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:59,200
Speaker 1: think what that ends up doing is it actually creates

672
00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:02,440
Speaker 1: really beautiful or opportunities. And I'll always say to someone,

673
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:05,880
Speaker 1: I'll say, I'm sure you can understand it. I'd love

674
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:08,360
Speaker 1: to know if you do. And nineteen percent at the

675
00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:10,440
Speaker 1: time someone will come back and say, of course I

676
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:12,960
Speaker 1: understand it. I protect my time in the same way

677
00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:16,400
Speaker 1: or whatever it may be. And then you go, oh, okay,

678
00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:19,200
Speaker 1: we actually are more aligned than we think. So I

679
00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:22,840
Speaker 1: love that advice. It's so great, Jenna. So you know,

680
00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:25,680
Speaker 1: the books in three parts. The first part is who

681
00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:28,359
Speaker 1: you are, yes, And that's what we've been talking about.

682
00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:30,200
Speaker 1: And I would highly recommend that everyone dives into it

683
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:34,520
Speaker 1: because the book talks about everything from Jenna's childhood to

684
00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:37,880
Speaker 1: you know, her feelings about motherhood. And I am not

685
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:40,279
Speaker 1: asking her to repeat what's in the book. I would

686
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 1: love you to go and read the book and dive

687
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:45,560
Speaker 1: into it and then helps you figure out who you

688
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:48,960
Speaker 1: are and how to be clear about your values and priorities,

689
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:52,160
Speaker 1: which we're realizing are so integral to know. And as

690
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:54,719
Speaker 1: we know, if we don't know our values and priorities,

691
00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:57,440
Speaker 1: we will be living based on someone else's or an

692
00:34:57,480 --> 00:35:01,400
Speaker 1: adopted sense of values and priority. But in the second

693
00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:03,840
Speaker 1: part of the book, you talk about who has you

694
00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:08,640
Speaker 1: and who you have right, and this I think I

695
00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:14,239
Speaker 1: gravitated towards this a lot, because I think sometimes we

696
00:35:14,719 --> 00:35:20,120
Speaker 1: if we have good networks and communities and families and units,

697
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:22,879
Speaker 1: we often take it for granted because we assume that's

698
00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:26,080
Speaker 1: just how life is. So can you talk to me

699
00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:32,960
Speaker 1: a bit about how you've constructed healthy community and support

700
00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:37,080
Speaker 1: systems around you and given yourselves the permission to lean

701
00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:40,120
Speaker 1: on others, because I find like that's what most of

702
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:41,680
Speaker 1: us don't want to do, is we don't want to

703
00:35:41,719 --> 00:35:44,640
Speaker 1: depend on others and make people feel we're dependent on them.

704
00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:47,360
Speaker 1: So the second part is that who you have and

705
00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:50,520
Speaker 1: who as you? Because I recognize that we are in

706
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:53,880
Speaker 1: this season of life and in this area of like

707
00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:57,040
Speaker 1: the world where we have never been more connected, but

708
00:35:57,200 --> 00:35:59,880
Speaker 1: we also don't feel fully known. And I think there

709
00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:02,600
Speaker 1: is nothing worse than being in a room filled with

710
00:36:02,719 --> 00:36:05,719
Speaker 1: people and feeling lonely. Like loneliness isn't just the act

711
00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:08,480
Speaker 1: of being alone, it's feeling like people don't know the

712
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:11,800
Speaker 1: real you. And I feel like we're in this world

713
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:14,040
Speaker 1: where that is so common. It's like have you ever

714
00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:16,360
Speaker 1: entered a building and you know that if you just

715
00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:19,640
Speaker 1: exit stage life left, like no one would question who

716
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:21,440
Speaker 1: you were, where you were, if you were even there.

717
00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:23,480
Speaker 1: And I feel like we're kind of walking through life

718
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:26,120
Speaker 1: in that way. And we're also in this era where

719
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:29,120
Speaker 1: people post, you know, bachelotte parties and there's like twenty

720
00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:31,480
Speaker 1: people in matching swimsuits and you're like, I have like

721
00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:34,040
Speaker 1: three close friends and like, is something wrong with me?

722
00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:36,640
Speaker 1: Or like why don't I have this like village around me?

723
00:36:37,280 --> 00:36:40,560
Speaker 1: And a lot of it is because we aren't showing

724
00:36:40,719 --> 00:36:43,920
Speaker 1: up allowing ourselves to fully know others and to be

725
00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:47,680
Speaker 1: fully known. And I think that the pandemic actually gave

726
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:50,200
Speaker 1: us this really unique invitation because for so long we

727
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:53,160
Speaker 1: were able to separate, like career Jenna and mom Jenna

728
00:36:53,239 --> 00:36:55,800
Speaker 1: and marriage Jenna and friend Jenna, and all of a sudden,

729
00:36:55,840 --> 00:36:58,279
Speaker 1: we're doing everything under one roof and we're forced to

730
00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:01,000
Speaker 1: communicate in different ways, and we're four to learn how

731
00:37:01,040 --> 00:37:03,360
Speaker 1: to be a good friend from afar, and we're forced

732
00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:05,399
Speaker 1: to be reminded that, like, we need to reach out

733
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:07,520
Speaker 1: just as much as we hope people reach out to us.

734
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:11,680
Speaker 1: And what's interesting is I've had this practice for I

735
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:14,960
Speaker 1: don't know, probably ten years, where every single day when

736
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:17,960
Speaker 1: I think of people, I text them and it'll just

737
00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:19,520
Speaker 1: be I know, I've sent you a few I've sent

738
00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:21,839
Speaker 1: your wife, if you like where if you come into

739
00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:24,320
Speaker 1: my life or my mind or I see something and

740
00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:26,280
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh do you would love that? Or whatever

741
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:29,239
Speaker 1: that is, to just reach out, like the universe is

742
00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:32,279
Speaker 1: guiding me towards this opportunity to encourage or check in

743
00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:35,080
Speaker 1: or just be there for someone. And oftentimes it comes

744
00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:37,840
Speaker 1: in the form of like no need to respond, just

745
00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:39,520
Speaker 1: want you to know I'm thinking of you, or I

746
00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:41,640
Speaker 1: saw this thing, like if you want to share how

747
00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:45,560
Speaker 1: you're doing, like just check in. But when I think

748
00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:48,200
Speaker 1: about when we're really feeling lonely, a lot of times

749
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:50,360
Speaker 1: our act is to like close up and to like

750
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:53,720
Speaker 1: close ourselves off. And I really think it's this really

751
00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:56,680
Speaker 1: great opportunity for us to reach out and to seek

752
00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:59,359
Speaker 1: and when you bring up like help. There's this chapter

753
00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:01,840
Speaker 1: where it's like one plus one equals a million, and

754
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:05,160
Speaker 1: it's my story about how I was white knuckling so

755
00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:07,040
Speaker 1: much of my life. I think a lot of us

756
00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:09,719
Speaker 1: do that, where we wear all the hats we can

757
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 1: do it. We're just getting by. We're holding on with

758
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:16,680
Speaker 1: all of our might to keep the control, and life

759
00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:20,040
Speaker 1: often gives us these opportunities or it forces us to

760
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:23,239
Speaker 1: open up our hands. And for me, when we went

761
00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:26,600
Speaker 1: through two pregnancy losses, I was in this place where

762
00:38:26,680 --> 00:38:28,920
Speaker 1: I was like I have to show up to work.

763
00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:30,759
Speaker 1: I had to show up and shoot a wedding. As

764
00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:34,719
Speaker 1: a wedding photographer after getting this news, and I recognize,

765
00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:37,640
Speaker 1: like I cannot do this anymore, Like I cannot. I

766
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:40,040
Speaker 1: have built something that requires me to show up to

767
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:42,680
Speaker 1: get paid, and right now I can't show up. And

768
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:45,200
Speaker 1: I can't keep doing this to myself because life is

769
00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:48,320
Speaker 1: not always going to invite us to show up. Sometimes

770
00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:51,160
Speaker 1: life calls us to like slow down and to be

771
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:55,239
Speaker 1: and to sit. And I had run my business by

772
00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:57,520
Speaker 1: myself for years and years and years, and I finally

773
00:38:57,560 --> 00:39:00,320
Speaker 1: got to a place where I said three words, I

774
00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:05,160
Speaker 1: need help, and it transformed everything for me. And it's

775
00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:08,840
Speaker 1: been really fascinating being in this season of motherhood and

776
00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:11,120
Speaker 1: launching a book and all of these different things where

777
00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:14,239
Speaker 1: I'm like, usually I'm the helper, and so asking for

778
00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:17,880
Speaker 1: help is so uncomfortable, but it stretches you in ways

779
00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:20,480
Speaker 1: that allows you to invite people in. And one of

780
00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:23,080
Speaker 1: my friends, Ali Stroker, she is in a wheelchair. She's

781
00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:26,399
Speaker 1: an incredible actress, and she once told me this story

782
00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:28,839
Speaker 1: that totally changed the way I look at asking for help.

783
00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:31,680
Speaker 1: And she said, a lot of times people will come

784
00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:34,280
Speaker 1: and try with good intentions to help me in my wheelchair,

785
00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:36,520
Speaker 1: when really I don't need it. But I've learned to

786
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:39,920
Speaker 1: recognize that for some people, being the helper is the

787
00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:43,080
Speaker 1: greatest gift I can give them. And when she said that,

788
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:45,279
Speaker 1: it really made me pause and think, there are so

789
00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:48,520
Speaker 1: many people in my life who love to help, who

790
00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:51,719
Speaker 1: find joy in being the helper, And if I can

791
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:54,320
Speaker 1: give them the invitation or the opportunity to do that,

792
00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:58,759
Speaker 1: suddenly who I have and who has me expands. And

793
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:00,560
Speaker 1: a lot of times it's like our pride. It's like

794
00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:04,440
Speaker 1: pride's utter chokehold that like keeps us from like opening

795
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:07,120
Speaker 1: our hands to what's possible. And so it's a white

796
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:09,800
Speaker 1: knuckling that is not something that you can maintain, and

797
00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:13,359
Speaker 1: it's something that really keeps greatness out of your life. Yeah,

798
00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:15,399
Speaker 1: and and and you know you touched on it there.

799
00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:18,640
Speaker 1: It was you know, I really admire your bravery for

800
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:21,480
Speaker 1: doing it. In the book as well, you you talk

801
00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:23,840
Speaker 1: about the time where you found out that you're you know,

802
00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:26,800
Speaker 1: you baby didn't have a heartbeat, and I feel like,

803
00:40:28,239 --> 00:40:31,239
Speaker 1: you know that the book is full of that level

804
00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:33,160
Speaker 1: of vulnerability, and I think you talk about a lot

805
00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:37,360
Speaker 1: of things that we also don't ever talk about, and

806
00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:41,640
Speaker 1: definitely obviously people that we don't announce it on Instagram,

807
00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:44,120
Speaker 1: and that potentially is in the right forum anyway. But

808
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:48,440
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask you about when you look at

809
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:52,960
Speaker 1: that community around you, one of the things that's really

810
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:56,120
Speaker 1: benefited me. I said this to someone the other day.

811
00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:58,360
Speaker 1: They were like, Oh, it seems like you make some

812
00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:02,160
Speaker 1: really good decisions in your life life, and I said, yeah,

813
00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:05,320
Speaker 1: because I had people in my life who told me

814
00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:09,839
Speaker 1: all the bad decisions they made. And I'd say, all

815
00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:11,680
Speaker 1: the good decisions I've made in my life is because

816
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:14,399
Speaker 1: I've had a few older people in my life who've

817
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:17,799
Speaker 1: told me about all their bad decisions, and that gave

818
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:20,520
Speaker 1: me so much hindsight, and it gave me so much

819
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:26,839
Speaker 1: awareness that it allowed me the space to think about

820
00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:29,200
Speaker 1: things a bit ahead of the time. And so I

821
00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:31,319
Speaker 1: can't take any credit for the good decisions I've made.

822
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:34,120
Speaker 1: I can only take I can only give the credit

823
00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:37,440
Speaker 1: to the people who shared their either poor decisions with

824
00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:40,120
Speaker 1: me or, as in your case, you do in this book,

825
00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:45,400
Speaker 1: challenges or heartbreaks that they went through in order to

826
00:41:45,560 --> 00:41:50,719
Speaker 1: be hopefully more prepared or more equipped to deal with

827
00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:54,319
Speaker 1: certain things. And so I was like, the best mentorship

828
00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:58,640
Speaker 1: is actually not good advice. The best mentorship is just

829
00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:02,600
Speaker 1: an honest experience of what someone's going through. Can you

830
00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:05,560
Speaker 1: talk to me a bit about like how you've shared

831
00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:08,640
Speaker 1: and how people have shared with you, and how that's

832
00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:10,960
Speaker 1: such an important part of building that community and you're

833
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 1: doing it through the book. Of course, there are so

834
00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:16,000
Speaker 1: many things that are taboo, which is crazy where it's

835
00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:18,040
Speaker 1: like so many people are experiencing it and it's a

836
00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:20,800
Speaker 1: part of the human experience, but nobody's talking about it.

837
00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:23,759
Speaker 1: And it is so isolating, right, like you feel like

838
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:26,480
Speaker 1: you are broken, or you are the only one, or

839
00:42:26,520 --> 00:42:31,200
Speaker 1: it's your fault that you went through something. And years ago,

840
00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:33,920
Speaker 1: we lost one of our best friends in a car accident,

841
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:37,480
Speaker 1: and I found myself going back to his social media

842
00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:41,239
Speaker 1: feeds to feel connected to him. And he didn't know

843
00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:43,840
Speaker 1: when he was talking about taco bell or posting that

844
00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:46,520
Speaker 1: funny family guy meme that like that would be a

845
00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:49,520
Speaker 1: part of his legacy, right, Like, we don't think about that,

846
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:53,759
Speaker 1: but every single post we're hitting published on online is

847
00:42:53,800 --> 00:42:55,719
Speaker 1: a piece of our legacy. Like we don't do what

848
00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:58,600
Speaker 1: our parents didn't have scrap books and all the little,

849
00:42:58,800 --> 00:43:01,959
Speaker 1: you know, trinkets and put it in an album. These days,

850
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:05,560
Speaker 1: it's so digital, And I remember when I found myself

851
00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:07,799
Speaker 1: like going to look through his old tweets or things

852
00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:10,640
Speaker 1: just to feel connected to him. I vowed to myself that,

853
00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:13,279
Speaker 1: like what you see online will never be just a

854
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:16,400
Speaker 1: highlight reel, it will always be real, like r e

855
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:20,520
Speaker 1: al my real life. And I have stuck by that

856
00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:23,040
Speaker 1: through thick and thin, through the good through the bad,

857
00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:26,280
Speaker 1: because when I get reminded of a memory on Facebook,

858
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:29,640
Speaker 1: I want to remember that actual moment and not just

859
00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:34,320
Speaker 1: the shiny And when we went through our pregnancy loss,

860
00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:37,480
Speaker 1: for me, part of it was helping people to feel

861
00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:41,239
Speaker 1: less alone, because one in four people women experience that,

862
00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:44,680
Speaker 1: but two it was to give meaning to the experience

863
00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:47,760
Speaker 1: I think as people that are optimistic or positive people.

864
00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:50,440
Speaker 1: Where I was like, life is teaching me a lesson,

865
00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:53,359
Speaker 1: and even when that lesson is inconceivable, or you don't

866
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:55,719
Speaker 1: have a reason or you can't really pinpoint what that is,

867
00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:58,440
Speaker 1: I really clung to this belief that, like, I'm going

868
00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:00,839
Speaker 1: to give meaning to this mess no matter how I can.

869
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:04,600
Speaker 1: And there's this story in the book that I love,

870
00:44:05,280 --> 00:44:08,640
Speaker 1: and it's called What Brookshields Doesn't Know. And I was

871
00:44:08,719 --> 00:44:12,160
Speaker 1: at this event with all these incredible women, and there

872
00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:14,320
Speaker 1: was this president of a company that I worked with,

873
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:17,120
Speaker 1: and she was a woman, and she came up to

874
00:44:17,200 --> 00:44:19,439
Speaker 1: me and we were talking about her children, and she said,

875
00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:23,280
Speaker 1: do you know that I went through IVF seven times

876
00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:25,680
Speaker 1: in order to have my daughter? And this is like

877
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:29,000
Speaker 1: years ago, like a decade ago. And I said, oh

878
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:31,239
Speaker 1: my god, how many times did you want to give up?

879
00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:35,160
Speaker 1: And she said never? And I said, how is that possible?

880
00:44:35,239 --> 00:44:38,200
Speaker 1: Like IVF is a most excruciating process, Like there are

881
00:44:38,239 --> 00:44:40,160
Speaker 1: so many layers to it, and so many things and

882
00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:42,880
Speaker 1: so many hopes and dreams and failures and things that

883
00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:45,600
Speaker 1: you just like hate going through. And she said, I

884
00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:48,600
Speaker 1: didn't give up because one time I was watching an

885
00:44:48,680 --> 00:44:51,879
Speaker 1: interview and brookshield said that she did IVF seven times

886
00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:54,040
Speaker 1: to conceive her daughter, and if she can do it

887
00:44:54,160 --> 00:44:57,880
Speaker 1: seven times, so can I. And I think about like that.

888
00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:01,440
Speaker 1: Brookshields doesn't know that she's sponsible for this beautiful girl

889
00:45:01,520 --> 00:45:03,680
Speaker 1: named Maggie who lives in New York City, but her

890
00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:08,320
Speaker 1: vulnerability and sharing that story inspired an total stranger to

891
00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:10,880
Speaker 1: get herself in the ring of something that was told

892
00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:14,200
Speaker 1: to be impossible by doctors but created a miracle. And

893
00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:16,880
Speaker 1: I think that stories have this opportunity to do this,

894
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:20,720
Speaker 1: and I think that vulnerable stories invite people to again

895
00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:24,920
Speaker 1: step into their own vulnerability. And I've learned so much

896
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:27,320
Speaker 1: about like the things that I try to keep hidden,

897
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:29,480
Speaker 1: the things that I'm afraid to share, the things that

898
00:45:29,640 --> 00:45:32,839
Speaker 1: I'm thinking that everyone else is thinking about me. Those

899
00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:35,920
Speaker 1: are called the human experience. Those are the things that

900
00:45:36,040 --> 00:45:38,600
Speaker 1: connects me so much more than pretending like I have

901
00:45:38,719 --> 00:45:40,920
Speaker 1: it all together. I don't have insecurities or that I

902
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:44,280
Speaker 1: don't worry, And so I've just believed in the power

903
00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:46,000
Speaker 1: of story and the power of real and when you

904
00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:50,200
Speaker 1: put real story to life, that's what really transforms other

905
00:45:50,239 --> 00:45:53,040
Speaker 1: people's lives. Yeah, and I definitely think you do that

906
00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:57,200
Speaker 1: in this book so wonderfully right. There's so many stories,

907
00:45:57,280 --> 00:46:00,520
Speaker 1: whether it's personal, whether it's Korea Bay, you know, I

908
00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:02,799
Speaker 1: think it's so important. One of the things I tried

909
00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:04,799
Speaker 1: to do and think like a monk when I wrote

910
00:46:04,880 --> 00:46:09,480
Speaker 1: it was I don't talk about any enlightened experiences. So

911
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:13,400
Speaker 1: I talked about all my worst meditation experiences because the

912
00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 1: goal was because it's relatable and it's true, Like, there

913
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:22,759
Speaker 1: were just so many poor meditation experiences, and I think

914
00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:25,000
Speaker 1: it's very easy to be like, well, you know, this

915
00:46:25,239 --> 00:46:28,359
Speaker 1: was this amazing experience I had, and everyone's like, well,

916
00:46:28,640 --> 00:46:31,120
Speaker 1: you know, like like you just said, like someone's gone

917
00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:34,920
Speaker 1: through seven of the most difficult, excruciating things to get there,

918
00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:37,560
Speaker 1: but that story is so much more powerful. Tell me

919
00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:39,719
Speaker 1: a bit about you know. The third act of the

920
00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:43,080
Speaker 1: book goes into like people setting their goals, living their truth,

921
00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:46,960
Speaker 1: achieving it, making a plan. I want to ask you

922
00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:49,400
Speaker 1: a different question because the book breaks down how you

923
00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:52,080
Speaker 1: do that and what to do. So if anyone who's

924
00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:56,200
Speaker 1: wondering how Jenna goes from who you are to who

925
00:46:56,320 --> 00:46:58,640
Speaker 1: you have and who has you too, then what you're

926
00:46:58,640 --> 00:47:00,480
Speaker 1: going to do about it to actually build it through.

927
00:47:01,160 --> 00:47:04,880
Speaker 1: What I'm more intrigued by is what's a worthy goal?

928
00:47:05,560 --> 00:47:09,000
Speaker 1: Like what's a worthy pursuit? Because I feel like everyone

929
00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:12,120
Speaker 1: talks about goals and goal setting and everyone kind of

930
00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:15,719
Speaker 1: has goals or may have goals. But when I was young,

931
00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:22,120
Speaker 1: all we ever learned about was setting smart goals right specific, measurable, achievable, realistic,

932
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:25,040
Speaker 1: and time bound. But no one ever told me what

933
00:47:25,239 --> 00:47:29,040
Speaker 1: a worthy goal was. And as I've got an older

934
00:47:29,520 --> 00:47:33,400
Speaker 1: I I do believe that there are worthy pursuits and

935
00:47:33,480 --> 00:47:35,959
Speaker 1: there are pursuits that will let us down. As you said,

936
00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:38,719
Speaker 1: there's so many goals that you hit and you go, well,

937
00:47:39,040 --> 00:47:41,680
Speaker 1: is that it? So how do you help people think

938
00:47:41,719 --> 00:47:44,360
Speaker 1: about Is there a way of knowing what a healthy,

939
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:49,440
Speaker 1: worthy pursuit or goal is. Yeah, I think it's one

940
00:47:49,520 --> 00:47:52,600
Speaker 1: that feels good, that the pursuit feels good and the

941
00:47:52,800 --> 00:47:56,560
Speaker 1: end product feels right. And for me, I think it's

942
00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:59,360
Speaker 1: really interesting. I remember Jay, we were together in Puerto

943
00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:02,359
Speaker 1: Rico and end In through Brendan Burchard let us through

944
00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:06,000
Speaker 1: this exercise, and it was envisioning these scenes that we

945
00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:10,360
Speaker 1: want for our lives, like what would true success look like?

946
00:48:11,080 --> 00:48:13,120
Speaker 1: And he had already gone through the exercise of like

947
00:48:13,280 --> 00:48:15,640
Speaker 1: envisioning your best moments of life all of these things.

948
00:48:15,760 --> 00:48:18,520
Speaker 1: But I loved how he framed it because it was

949
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:21,960
Speaker 1: like envisioned these moments before they happened, so that when

950
00:48:22,160 --> 00:48:26,200
Speaker 1: they happen you are fully awake to them. And for me,

951
00:48:26,719 --> 00:48:29,680
Speaker 1: the scene that I envisioned was like pancakes on a

952
00:48:29,760 --> 00:48:32,640
Speaker 1: Saturday morning, looking out of the lake with my family.

953
00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:35,640
Speaker 1: And it's funny because every time we make pancakes on

954
00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:37,440
Speaker 1: a Saturday morning, Drew will look at me and I

955
00:48:37,520 --> 00:48:39,680
Speaker 1: will be like teary eyed, and he'll be like, we're

956
00:48:39,719 --> 00:48:42,320
Speaker 1: living it, like this is the scene and we're awake

957
00:48:42,400 --> 00:48:45,080
Speaker 1: to it. Because how many successful people do you know

958
00:48:45,440 --> 00:48:47,440
Speaker 1: who have done all these amazing things in their life

959
00:48:47,440 --> 00:48:49,920
Speaker 1: they say they missed it. They missed it because they

960
00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:51,719
Speaker 1: were just in pursuit of the next thing, or the

961
00:48:51,840 --> 00:48:53,960
Speaker 1: journey didn't feel good, or they arrived and it wasn't

962
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:56,120
Speaker 1: where they thought they wanted to be. And so when

963
00:48:56,200 --> 00:48:58,640
Speaker 1: it comes to setting a goal, I want you to

964
00:48:58,719 --> 00:49:02,640
Speaker 1: ask yourself what feels good? Like what in the pursuit

965
00:49:02,719 --> 00:49:05,960
Speaker 1: feels good? And here's an example. I did this visualization

966
00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:09,279
Speaker 1: exercise after our two losses. I was like unpacking my

967
00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:11,600
Speaker 1: grief and really trying to like face it because I

968
00:49:11,680 --> 00:49:13,279
Speaker 1: had buried it the first time. And I was like,

969
00:49:13,400 --> 00:49:15,719
Speaker 1: I've got to figure out how did not move on

970
00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:18,040
Speaker 1: from this, but how to move with my grief? Like

971
00:49:18,200 --> 00:49:20,920
Speaker 1: how do I move forward carrying this grief with me

972
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:24,440
Speaker 1: as a changed person? And I did this visualization exercise

973
00:49:24,560 --> 00:49:26,920
Speaker 1: and my friend was leading me through it and she

974
00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:30,719
Speaker 1: was like, envisioned the most vibrant version of yourself, Like

975
00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:34,680
Speaker 1: you are fully alive, energized, excited about what you're about

976
00:49:34,719 --> 00:49:36,799
Speaker 1: to do for your day. And she said this line

977
00:49:36,840 --> 00:49:39,200
Speaker 1: where it was like put your fingers and the fingerslots

978
00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:41,840
Speaker 1: like step into where your toes are, like what do

979
00:49:41,960 --> 00:49:44,080
Speaker 1: you see and what do you feel? And it was

980
00:49:44,120 --> 00:49:46,760
Speaker 1: funny because I was doing this meditation, there tears streaming

981
00:49:46,800 --> 00:49:49,200
Speaker 1: down my face, and I'm envisioning this little girl in

982
00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:51,920
Speaker 1: pancakes and Drew and this Persian rug and like all

983
00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:54,719
Speaker 1: of these things. And in this vision, I had on

984
00:49:55,040 --> 00:49:58,200
Speaker 1: jeans and a white linen shirt. And I opened my

985
00:49:58,239 --> 00:50:01,000
Speaker 1: eyes after the visualization and I had on yoga pants

986
00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:03,719
Speaker 1: and like an old college T shirt. And I was like,

987
00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:06,200
Speaker 1: I want the baby and the pancakes. But if I

988
00:50:06,320 --> 00:50:09,680
Speaker 1: can't even live today with the jeans and the linen shirt,

989
00:50:10,000 --> 00:50:12,400
Speaker 1: how do I expect to become a fully different person

990
00:50:12,520 --> 00:50:15,600
Speaker 1: when the thing that I want arrives? Right? Like, sometimes

991
00:50:15,719 --> 00:50:18,040
Speaker 1: the waiting season is just as important as what it

992
00:50:18,200 --> 00:50:20,239
Speaker 1: is that we're waiting for, and the same thing goes

993
00:50:20,320 --> 00:50:23,520
Speaker 1: for goals. Sometimes the journey of working towards the goals

994
00:50:23,680 --> 00:50:26,680
Speaker 1: should be enjoyed just as much as achieving the goal itself.

995
00:50:27,200 --> 00:50:29,279
Speaker 1: And so I've learned how to make sure that the

996
00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:32,520
Speaker 1: pursuit feels good, but that the goal is truly my

997
00:50:32,800 --> 00:50:36,760
Speaker 1: definition of success, because my definition of success isn't shiny,

998
00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:39,480
Speaker 1: it's not great. It's literally a bag of gluten free pancakes.

999
00:50:39,719 --> 00:50:41,799
Speaker 1: But when I'm living it, I know it and I'm

1000
00:50:41,840 --> 00:50:44,200
Speaker 1: awake to it. And I think nowadays it's like with

1001
00:50:44,320 --> 00:50:47,040
Speaker 1: the internet, you could follow the fashion blogger and then

1002
00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:49,440
Speaker 1: follow the home decor and then follow the HealthNet. And

1003
00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:51,480
Speaker 1: our brain tricks is into thinking that we need to

1004
00:50:51,560 --> 00:50:53,320
Speaker 1: do and be all of those things in order to

1005
00:50:53,400 --> 00:50:55,480
Speaker 1: be happy. But if we go back to the beginning

1006
00:50:55,520 --> 00:50:58,360
Speaker 1: of the conversation where we talk about like contentedness is

1007
00:50:58,400 --> 00:51:01,440
Speaker 1: a gift, it's not complacent, See, like, how can you

1008
00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:03,840
Speaker 1: be at peace with your life? And what does that

1009
00:51:04,040 --> 00:51:07,160
Speaker 1: look like as you work towards the goal? And so

1010
00:51:07,480 --> 00:51:09,799
Speaker 1: for me, it's like more so about the journey, because

1011
00:51:09,840 --> 00:51:12,279
Speaker 1: if we know anything, the journey is ninety percent of

1012
00:51:12,360 --> 00:51:15,760
Speaker 1: the pursuit and the actual goal achieving is two percent.

1013
00:51:16,040 --> 00:51:18,200
Speaker 1: And so I want my life to feel good while

1014
00:51:18,239 --> 00:51:20,960
Speaker 1: I'm working towards that thing. Yeah, I think that's a

1015
00:51:21,040 --> 00:51:24,120
Speaker 1: great definition, and I'm really glad you clarified that, because

1016
00:51:24,719 --> 00:51:27,760
Speaker 1: I think we often set goals by default. We adopt

1017
00:51:27,840 --> 00:51:31,680
Speaker 1: goals from our parents, our friends, our family, Instagram, TikTok,

1018
00:51:31,719 --> 00:51:35,560
Speaker 1: social media. We just we have a goal without even

1019
00:51:35,600 --> 00:51:39,320
Speaker 1: knowing we have one, and so I think making it

1020
00:51:39,440 --> 00:51:44,200
Speaker 1: a more conscious, intentional process is so important. And I

1021
00:51:44,360 --> 00:51:47,760
Speaker 1: encourage everyone who wants to live their truth, who wants

1022
00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:51,640
Speaker 1: to authentically discover who they are, who wants to make

1023
00:51:51,719 --> 00:51:53,960
Speaker 1: a shift or a change in your life right now,

1024
00:51:54,120 --> 00:51:56,480
Speaker 1: maybe you're going through a transition, maybe you know you

1025
00:51:56,600 --> 00:51:59,920
Speaker 1: need to start one. Please order Jenna's book today because

1026
00:52:00,440 --> 00:52:03,200
Speaker 1: it will truly guide you and be that helping hand

1027
00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:05,840
Speaker 1: that we all need on that path. And sometimes I

1028
00:52:05,960 --> 00:52:07,879
Speaker 1: think a lot of people and I can honestly say

1029
00:52:07,920 --> 00:52:10,520
Speaker 1: this for myself, and I truly back what I'm about

1030
00:52:10,520 --> 00:52:14,880
Speaker 1: to say is that I often felt alone in my

1031
00:52:15,160 --> 00:52:18,880
Speaker 1: transitions in life from a physical point of view, but

1032
00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:23,080
Speaker 1: I would say that books and people in books have

1033
00:52:23,480 --> 00:52:27,280
Speaker 1: definitely been that navigation guide and helping hand that I've needed.

1034
00:52:27,719 --> 00:52:30,080
Speaker 1: And so often I haven't necessarily been able to turn

1035
00:52:30,160 --> 00:52:32,920
Speaker 1: to someone right next to me to know what's going on,

1036
00:52:33,120 --> 00:52:36,080
Speaker 1: because they may not have experienced what I'm experiencing, But

1037
00:52:36,320 --> 00:52:39,400
Speaker 1: someone in a book has experienced that or experienced something similar,

1038
00:52:39,920 --> 00:52:41,960
Speaker 1: and that I feel now so close to that person

1039
00:52:42,040 --> 00:52:44,399
Speaker 1: that I've never met, and most of the people I'm

1040
00:52:44,440 --> 00:52:47,200
Speaker 1: talking about are not even alive from books that I've read.

1041
00:52:47,280 --> 00:52:50,240
Speaker 1: So I really believe that that if you're in that transition,

1042
00:52:50,280 --> 00:52:52,799
Speaker 1: if you're in that journey, if you're struggling with who

1043
00:52:52,920 --> 00:52:54,799
Speaker 1: you are, if you're trying to figure out the people

1044
00:52:54,840 --> 00:52:57,960
Speaker 1: around you, if you're trying to make a career change,

1045
00:52:58,080 --> 00:53:02,320
Speaker 1: if you're having struggles with motherhood and that journey and

1046
00:53:02,400 --> 00:53:06,480
Speaker 1: your identity right now, Jenna, really I want to be honest,

1047
00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:11,160
Speaker 1: like very vulnerably and honestly captures her story and shares

1048
00:53:11,200 --> 00:53:15,200
Speaker 1: the insights to help see what you can apply. Jenna,

1049
00:53:15,239 --> 00:53:17,880
Speaker 1: I thank you so much for writing this book, for

1050
00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:19,960
Speaker 1: thank you for taking the time today and use you know.

1051
00:53:20,160 --> 00:53:24,080
Speaker 1: We end every on Purpose episode with a final five,

1052
00:53:24,600 --> 00:53:27,480
Speaker 1: which is a fast five round where every question has

1053
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:32,720
Speaker 1: to be answered in one word or one sentence maximum. So, Jennaka,

1054
00:53:33,040 --> 00:53:35,279
Speaker 1: you've trained my whole life for this, You've trained your

1055
00:53:35,320 --> 00:53:38,600
Speaker 1: whole life for this, You're already prepared. Okay, So the

1056
00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:45,879
Speaker 1: first question is what is the best advice you've ever received? Done?

1057
00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:49,080
Speaker 1: Is better than perfect? Nice? I like that we've never

1058
00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:51,440
Speaker 1: had that on the show, which is good. What is

1059
00:53:51,600 --> 00:53:54,800
Speaker 1: the worst advice you've ever received? Just keep on reaching?

1060
00:53:55,239 --> 00:53:57,200
Speaker 1: What is the first thing you do every morning and

1061
00:53:57,280 --> 00:53:59,160
Speaker 1: the last thing you do every night? Look at my

1062
00:53:59,239 --> 00:54:03,400
Speaker 1: baby monitor. I love it. The honesty. See this is

1063
00:54:03,440 --> 00:54:07,600
Speaker 1: why I asked that question. I love the honesty. Fourth,

1064
00:54:07,840 --> 00:54:10,680
Speaker 1: what is the biggest risk you've ever taken leaving my

1065
00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:13,800
Speaker 1: nine to five job to become an entrepreneur? Nice? And

1066
00:54:14,040 --> 00:54:17,000
Speaker 1: fifth and final question, if you could make one law

1067
00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:19,759
Speaker 1: that everyone in the world would have to follow, what

1068
00:54:19,880 --> 00:54:22,560
Speaker 1: would it be to take a gap year before doing

1069
00:54:22,600 --> 00:54:24,359
Speaker 1: what you think you want to do and figure out

1070
00:54:24,400 --> 00:54:27,799
Speaker 1: who you are? Wow? Great advice. I like that one.

1071
00:54:27,960 --> 00:54:31,480
Speaker 1: I took one before university and one three after, so

1072
00:54:32,239 --> 00:54:37,360
Speaker 1: definitely definitely I agree. I agree with that advice everyone.

1073
00:54:37,600 --> 00:54:40,000
Speaker 1: Jenna Kutcher. The book is called how are You Really

1074
00:54:40,560 --> 00:54:44,000
Speaker 1: Living Your Truth? One answer at a time. Make sure

1075
00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:46,520
Speaker 1: you grab a copy of the book. And Jenna has

1076
00:54:46,640 --> 00:54:49,480
Speaker 1: a special gift for us that we're going to get.

1077
00:54:49,520 --> 00:54:51,600
Speaker 1: As part of this, I want you to head over

1078
00:54:51,640 --> 00:54:55,600
Speaker 1: to Jenna Kutcher dot com forward slash Jay. We will

1079
00:54:55,640 --> 00:54:58,320
Speaker 1: put the link in the captions and the show notes

1080
00:54:58,360 --> 00:55:01,960
Speaker 1: and everywhere else. So Jenna Kutcher Forward slash j as

1081
00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:04,680
Speaker 1: in my name j j why and you will be

1082
00:55:04,719 --> 00:55:06,640
Speaker 1: able to see this amazing gift that she's going to

1083
00:55:06,680 --> 00:55:08,080
Speaker 1: give you a bit of a sneak peek about. So,

1084
00:55:08,360 --> 00:55:10,839
Speaker 1: Jenna over to you. Yeah, So, I wanted to think

1085
00:55:10,840 --> 00:55:13,720
Speaker 1: about how this would be most valuable because my book

1086
00:55:13,840 --> 00:55:16,439
Speaker 1: is not about finding my truth or sharing my truth,

1087
00:55:16,520 --> 00:55:19,040
Speaker 1: but inviting you to find your own. So I gathered

1088
00:55:19,080 --> 00:55:22,279
Speaker 1: a bunch of our incredible mutual friends and did deep

1089
00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:26,080
Speaker 1: dive interviews that aren't public you cannot find them anywhere,

1090
00:55:26,280 --> 00:55:28,640
Speaker 1: and put together a course that is in theme with

1091
00:55:28,680 --> 00:55:33,920
Speaker 1: the book, so on topics like identity, career, relationship, balancing things,

1092
00:55:34,160 --> 00:55:37,040
Speaker 1: shifting careers, all of those things. It is all inside

1093
00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:40,120
Speaker 1: of an incredible free course that you cannot get anywhere else,

1094
00:55:40,200 --> 00:55:42,359
Speaker 1: and you'll get it when you pre order or order

1095
00:55:42,440 --> 00:55:44,360
Speaker 1: the book, and you can find that at Jenna Kutcher

1096
00:55:44,520 --> 00:55:47,080
Speaker 1: dot com slash j. I love it, Jenna, Thank you

1097
00:55:47,120 --> 00:55:50,520
Speaker 1: so much for doing that, because, Yeah, like you said,

1098
00:55:50,800 --> 00:55:53,200
Speaker 1: I think so many of these things, that things we're

1099
00:55:53,239 --> 00:55:55,040
Speaker 1: all struggling with, we need to hear it from lots

1100
00:55:55,080 --> 00:55:57,239
Speaker 1: of different voices, lots of different faces. And so the

1101
00:55:57,320 --> 00:56:00,480
Speaker 1: fact that you've brought them all together is just absolutely brilliant.

1102
00:56:00,520 --> 00:56:03,160
Speaker 1: So please everyone check that out, subscribe for that, sign

1103
00:56:03,239 --> 00:56:07,160
Speaker 1: up for that at Jennacutch dot com, Forward slash Jay Jenna,

1104
00:56:07,280 --> 00:56:09,080
Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining me today. I can't

1105
00:56:09,120 --> 00:56:10,680
Speaker 1: wait to see you again. I can't wait to see

1106
00:56:10,719 --> 00:56:13,680
Speaker 1: your family again. I'm just so grateful we got to

1107
00:56:13,719 --> 00:56:16,560
Speaker 1: take this time out. I really hope everyone will read

1108
00:56:16,600 --> 00:56:20,480
Speaker 1: your book, devour it, apply it, practically put it into

1109
00:56:20,560 --> 00:56:23,120
Speaker 1: their life. And I can't wait to see it change

1110
00:56:23,160 --> 00:56:26,160
Speaker 1: so many lives. So thank you for this work, thank

1111
00:56:26,200 --> 00:56:28,000
Speaker 1: you for your life, and thank you so much for

1112
00:56:28,040 --> 00:56:32,160
Speaker 1: this opportunity. Thank you for pouring into all of us.

1113
00:56:32,320 --> 00:56:35,240
Speaker 1: I'm speaking on behalf of all of your listeners, myself included.

1114
00:56:35,600 --> 00:56:38,520
Speaker 1: I know that you have left a huge, lasting imprint,

1115
00:56:38,560 --> 00:56:41,239
Speaker 1: and I think it's really easy as someone who creates,

1116
00:56:41,640 --> 00:56:45,120
Speaker 1: to forget all of the incredible ways that you are

1117
00:56:45,200 --> 00:56:49,239
Speaker 1: creating ripple effects in lives, in generations, in families, and

1118
00:56:49,360 --> 00:56:52,160
Speaker 1: I can speak from my family's experience, you have done

1119
00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:54,560
Speaker 1: just that. So thank you for the work that you do. No,

1120
00:56:54,800 --> 00:56:58,000
Speaker 1: thank you so much. Everyone who's been listening on watching,

1121
00:56:58,120 --> 00:57:01,480
Speaker 1: make sure you follow Jenna across media and makes you

1122
00:57:01,680 --> 00:57:04,800
Speaker 1: tag Jenna and I with any of the nuggets of wisdom,

1123
00:57:04,880 --> 00:57:08,680
Speaker 1: the insights, even pages from her book. Take screenshots, tag

1124
00:57:08,800 --> 00:57:11,560
Speaker 1: us both, let us know what's resonating with you, what's

1125
00:57:11,600 --> 00:57:15,800
Speaker 1: connecting with you. I genuinely love seeing you with a

1126
00:57:15,840 --> 00:57:18,960
Speaker 1: book open from the podcast, with sharing something from one

1127
00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:21,600
Speaker 1: of our guest pages, because to me, it shows that

1128
00:57:21,640 --> 00:57:24,000
Speaker 1: we're connected. It shows that we're listening learning from each other.

1129
00:57:24,120 --> 00:57:28,200
Speaker 1: And so I genuinely go on Instagram myself regularly and

1130
00:57:28,320 --> 00:57:30,920
Speaker 1: we'll go through posts and tags and everything, and I

1131
00:57:31,000 --> 00:57:33,680
Speaker 1: love seeing you all bring so much love to the podcast.

1132
00:57:34,520 --> 00:57:36,400
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening everyone. I'll see you

1133
00:57:36,480 --> 00:57:40,160
Speaker 1: again next week for another episode, and a big thank

1134
00:57:40,160 --> 00:57:41,720
Speaker 1: you to Jenna again. Thanks everyone,