Episode 38: The Inner Kingdom: Who’s Sitting on Your Throne?
Have you ever reacted to something—and known, even as it was happening, that you were making the situation worse?
A partner says you seem distant, but you hear, “You’re failing me.” Your boss requests a revision, but you hear, “You’re not good enough.” Your child rolls their eyes, and your nervous system responds as if everything you stand for is under attack.
In this episode of The Evolved Caveman Podcast, Dr. John Schinnerer introduces The Inner Kingdom, a practical framework for understanding emotional reactions, old wounds, defensive behaviors, and genuine inner leadership.
Inside each man are four important figures, or voices:
- The Squire carries old wounds, fears, and conclusions formed earlier in life.
- The Knight protects those vulnerable places through anger, withdrawal, control, performance, pleasing, or numbing.
- The Lover knows what genuinely matters—connection, belonging, honesty, affection, and meaning.
- The King listens to every part, takes responsibility, and chooses a response based on values rather than impulse.
None of these figures is bad. Problems arise when the wrong one takes the throne.
Dr. John also introduces “holding court,” a six-question practice that creates space between an internal reaction and an external response. It helps you recognize what happened, understand what your defenses are protecting, identify the vulnerable truth underneath them, and decide how the man you want to be would respond.
Because real strength is not the absence of emotion. It is knowing how to lead what you feel.
In this episode, you’ll learn
- Why “man up” should mean showing up—not shutting down
- How boys learn to reduce their emotional vocabulary to “fine, stressed, and pissed off”
- The difference between suppressing emotion and containing it
- Why present-day conflicts can activate much older fears
- How anger, withdrawal, control, and numbing function as protection
- Why the Knight is sworn to protect the Squire
- How to communicate the Lover’s vulnerable truth
- How the King restores perspective, responsibility, and intentional choice
- The six questions that make up the “holding court” practice
- How to lead yourself during conflict without becoming cruel, controlling, or emotionally unavailable
The six “holding court” questions
- What just happened?
- What tactic did my Knight reach for?
- What was my Knight trying to protect?
- What is my Squire afraid this means?
- What does my Lover actually want me to say?
- What would my King choose right now?
This week’s challenge
Notice one moment when your Knight reaches for his sword. Don’t judge him. Get curious about what he is protecting—and invite the King back onto the throne.
Explore Proxi He, Dr. John’s AI coach built on three decades of work helping men develop emotional mastery, stronger relationships, and greater inner leadership:
If this episode resonated with you, share it with one man who needs to hear it.
Be good to yourself. Keep evolving.
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For info on Dr. John's Ultimate Online Anger Management Class (which has over 25,000 graduates!), visit WebAngerManagement.com.
Top tools for emotional mastery and high tech execs from the best executive coach in the San Francisco Bay Area: GuideToSelf.com
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