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Speaker 1: see successful relationships as relationships that learn. Hey everyone, welcome

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Speaker 1: back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in

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Speaker 1: the world. Thanks to each and every one of you

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Speaker 1: that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow.

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Speaker 1: Now I have to start off by saying, I am

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Speaker 1: so excited, I am super pumped, and I couldn't be

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Speaker 1: more enthusiastic. Right now, I'm feeling so energized because for

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Speaker 1: the first time ever, I get to announce my podcast

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Speaker 1: that my new book, my second book, is ready for preorder.

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Speaker 1: It's called The Eight Rules of Love. I cannot wait

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Speaker 1: for you to read this book. I have spent the

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Speaker 1: last two years pouring my heart out into the process

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Speaker 1: of creating this book, everything from learning from my clients,

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Speaker 1: sitting down and researching cultures, looking at ancient wisdom, studying

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Speaker 1: the modern science on dating, relationships, love breakups, and then

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Speaker 1: trying my best to synthesize, simplify, connect the dots so

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Speaker 1: that you can find guidance on your path. So, whether

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Speaker 1: you're single, whether you're dating, whether you just broke up,

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Speaker 1: whether you're in a long term relationship, this book is

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Speaker 1: for you, and I know thousands of you have already

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Speaker 1: pre ordered the book or you've pre ordered the audiobook

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Speaker 1: as well, which you can do right now, and I

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Speaker 1: just want to say a massive thank you if you've

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Speaker 1: already done that. If you haven't, you can go right

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Speaker 1: now to eight Rules of Love dot com. That's eight

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Speaker 1: Rules of Love dot com and you will find a

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Speaker 1: link to your country and you can preorder the audio version,

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Speaker 1: the hardback, whatever you want. And when you preorder today,

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Speaker 1: you'll get access to my tour dates earlier than anyone.

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Speaker 1: So if you pre order, you'll get that access. Also,

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Speaker 1: I am so excited to announce that our guest this

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Speaker 1: upcoming Monday is none other than Kendall Jenna. It's an

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Speaker 1: incredible interview, a great conversation with a new friend. I

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Speaker 1: really don't want you to miss this one. It's so

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Speaker 1: powerful and I think you've really got to enjoy it.

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Speaker 1: So let your friends know, mark the dates, save it,

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Speaker 1: subscribe to the podcast today so that you don't miss

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Speaker 1: out this Monday. Kendall Jenna. So what I'm going to

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Speaker 1: do in today's episode is I'm going to answer the

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Speaker 1: key questions you've been asking me about the book and

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Speaker 1: the lessons inside those questions as well. So question number

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Speaker 1: one that you've been asking me is why the number eight?

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Speaker 1: Why did I choose eight rules of love? Why not seven?

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Speaker 1: Why not nine? Why not fifty two? Which, by the way,

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Speaker 1: it was my original proposalblem editor thought that was too many,

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Speaker 1: and I think you agree. Why eight rules? Now, there's

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Speaker 1: lots of different reasons for this, lots of different levels

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Speaker 1: and layers to this thought process. The first reason is

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Speaker 1: that we all know that the number eight is the

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Speaker 1: same symbol as infinity. And I think when we think

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Speaker 1: about love, we think about it being unconditional, we think

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Speaker 1: about it being endless. We truly believe that true love,

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Speaker 1: pure love, real love, is infinite, and so I thought

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Speaker 1: the number eight would be a beautiful symbol for talking

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Speaker 1: about That's the level of love I'm talking about in

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Speaker 1: this book. In this book, I don't just talk about

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Speaker 1: love that we kind of throw around as a word.

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Speaker 1: I don't just talk about love as kind of like

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Speaker 1: it's just something that we speak about randomly. I'm talking

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Speaker 1: about the purest, deepest love and how to access it

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Speaker 1: within ourselves and within our relationships. Because when Harvard did

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Speaker 1: their seventy five years study on human happiness. They found

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Speaker 1: that the quality of our relationships was the key indicator

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Speaker 1: for human happiness. And so this book is really dedicated

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Speaker 1: to how can we actually experience that depth of love

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Speaker 1: and depth of relationship in our lives now? As I

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Speaker 1: dug deeper, I also discovered that the number eight is

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Speaker 1: a symbol of balance. Right It's one of the few numbers,

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Speaker 1: or the only number that I can think of right

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Speaker 1: now that's actually symmetrical in shape. And when we think

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Speaker 1: about a healthy relationship, I think we're starting to understand

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Speaker 1: that healthy relationships are ones where people who are equally

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Speaker 1: individually doing the healing are actually coming together to connect.

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Speaker 1: And so when you see that balance in the number eight,

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Speaker 1: you see that symmetry in the number eight, it really

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Speaker 1: represents a healthy relationship. Even if you look at the

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Speaker 1: number eight, you could see it as two whole circles

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Speaker 1: coming together, right coming together to create something more beautiful,

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Speaker 1: coming together to create something more powerful. And then I

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Speaker 1: was reading on numerology dot com and it talked about

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Speaker 1: how in Chinese culture, the number eight is considered the

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Speaker 1: luckiest number of all and has purposefully worked into wedding dates,

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Speaker 1: birth dates, addresses, and finances numerology dot Com goes on

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Speaker 1: to say that in the car makes sense in a

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Speaker 1: spiritual sense. The number eight is all about giving back.

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Speaker 1: It realizes that its successes are not its alone, and

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Speaker 1: will intentionally recognize and appreciate any help it has received,

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Speaker 1: another key pillar to a healthy, powerful relationship that the

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Speaker 1: book will of course dive deeper into as well. So

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Speaker 1: that's why it chose the number eight. This is the

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Speaker 1: first time I've ever talked about this, actually, and I

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Speaker 1: don't explain this in the book either. So anyone who's

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Speaker 1: listening to the podcast right now, you're getting the real,

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Speaker 1: behind the scenes thought process of how this all came together. Now,

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Speaker 1: the second question I've been asked is why rules? Why

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Speaker 1: do we need rules? Jay? Like, isn't lifeful about breaking rules?

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Speaker 1: It isn't life about getting away from rules. Now, I

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Speaker 1: consider myself a rule breaker. I consider myself someone who

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Speaker 1: likes to rebel, who likes to bend the rules, break

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Speaker 1: the rules. Like, That's definitely a part of my nature,

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Speaker 1: my identity. I've always gone against the grain, I've always

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Speaker 1: done things differently. So why am I, at this point

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Speaker 1: in my life writing a book about rules. Well, here's

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Speaker 1: what I honestly learned. I've learned through life that you

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Speaker 1: can be as innovative, rebellious, disruptive as you think, but

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Speaker 1: there are certain universal rules, universal laws that you just

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Speaker 1: can't break. It's kind of like trying to control the weather. Right,

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Speaker 1: you can pack an umbrella, you can wear a coat,

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Speaker 1: you can wear the right shoes, but you can't control

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Speaker 1: whether it rains, snows, sunshine, or a blizzard. Right. You

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Speaker 1: have no control over that. And that's how these laws are.

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Speaker 1: They're working off their own accord. They exist whether you

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Speaker 1: believe in them or not. These rules are there whether

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Speaker 1: you've seen them written down or not, and you see

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Speaker 1: them across different types of relationships, different cultures, different backgrounds.

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Speaker 1: So when I dive into these eight rules, we start

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Speaker 1: to recognize that if they're broken, we keep making the

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Speaker 1: same mistakes again and again and again. When you look

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Speaker 1: at relationships that succeed and you look at relationships that fail,

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Speaker 1: it's because you see the ones that are successful of

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Speaker 1: following the rules. And now I also want to define

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Speaker 1: what I see as a successful relationship. I don't see

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Speaker 1: successful relationships as relationships that last. I see successful relationships

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Speaker 1: as relationships that learn. So a successful relationship is not

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Speaker 1: a relationship because it lasted ten, twenty, thirty fifty years, like,

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Speaker 1: that's an arbitrary mark, that's a random number. It could

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Speaker 1: have been the most painful, most unfulfilling relationship for forty years.

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Speaker 1: Why are we just celebrating a number when in reality,

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Speaker 1: a successful relationship is not a relationship that lasts long.

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Speaker 1: A successful relationship is a relationship that learns long. If

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Speaker 1: two people are learning from each other, if two people

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Speaker 1: are learning about each other, if two people are learning

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Speaker 1: about themselves, that's a phenomenal relationship. And I think we

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Speaker 1: get so stuck on either lust like or love that

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Speaker 1: we avoid the key thing that a relationship is trying

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Speaker 1: to get us to do, which is learned. Your partners

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Speaker 1: meant to be annoying. Your partners meant to get on

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Speaker 1: your nerves. Your partner is going to do things that

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Speaker 1: irritate you, that agitate you in the process to help

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Speaker 1: you grow and learn. There is no human on planet

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Speaker 1: Earth that is not going to agitate you in some way.

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Speaker 1: Because you're different people, you come from different backgrounds. So

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Speaker 1: these rules that you'll learn in this book are rules

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Speaker 1: that stop you from doing certain things or encourage you

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Speaker 1: to only do certain things. They're not rules like in

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Speaker 1: a rule book. These are rules that are existing beyond

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Speaker 1: our belief system, and when we practice them, we start

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Speaker 1: to see the power of them. And when you practice them,

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Speaker 1: you start to be able to use these rules to

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Speaker 1: improve the love in your life. Now, the third question

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Speaker 1: I get asked is all about the subtitle, because I

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Speaker 1: had lots of different ideas for the subtitle. One of

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Speaker 1: them was how to manifest the relationship you want? And

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Speaker 1: I started to go backwards on that because I realized

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Speaker 1: that too many people have a prescribed version of who

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Speaker 1: they want in their life. They have a long list,

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Speaker 1: and they're told the more you manifest it, the more

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Speaker 1: you think about it, the more you will attract that person.

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Speaker 1: And what I've found more often than not is that

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Speaker 1: relationships are about discovering someone as opposed to this siding

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Speaker 1: on someone beforehand. So a lot of people feel that

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Speaker 1: if you decide on what you want, that's what you'll attract.

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Speaker 1: And what I've discovered from meeting people is that actually,

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Speaker 1: when you choose to discover a person, you can then

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Speaker 1: decide whether they're the right person. If you try and

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Speaker 1: decide whether someone's the right person or not based on

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Speaker 1: a list, you could say no to someone who could

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Speaker 1: actually be a great partner for you. And so actually

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Speaker 1: learning to discover people, learning to actually be curious, learning

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Speaker 1: to actually learn about people, which is the one thing

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Speaker 1: we don't want to do, actually allows us to gain

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Speaker 1: so much more intimacy and connection with that individual. So

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Speaker 1: the subtitle I chose was how to find It, keep it,

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Speaker 1: and let it go? Because what I found is that

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Speaker 1: love is so elusive to us. I mean, when you

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Speaker 1: google the words will I ever, the predicted number one

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Speaker 1: search result is will I ever Find Love? And now

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Speaker 1: I wrote in the subtitle, but in the book, I

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Speaker 1: don't talk about finding love. I talk about creating love.

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Speaker 1: I talk about building love. I think we're so stuck

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Speaker 1: in the pursuit of looking, searching, seeking, finding that we

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Speaker 1: don't build, create, work and put in effort. Right. The

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Speaker 1: whole culture that we've been led to believe is find

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Speaker 1: your passion, find your person right, find your whatever it

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Speaker 1: may be. And really it's not about finding, wishing, wanting, waiting.

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Speaker 1: It's about building, creating, doing. And so in the book,

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Speaker 1: I switch your perspective from finding to creating. And this

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Speaker 1: is a mindset shift. This doesn't just apply to love,

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Speaker 1: it applies to life. This is a mindset shift that

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to create through this book that I want

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Speaker 1: you to stop thinking about life in the pursuit of

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Speaker 1: finding something, in the pursuit of hoping that it already exists,

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Speaker 1: and I'm going to find it. Actually it already exists

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Speaker 1: because you're going to create it. And so that switch

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Speaker 1: if you literally applied that to the rest of your week,

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Speaker 1: if you said, I'm not going to find motivation, I'm

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Speaker 1: not going to look for when I feel good. I'm

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Speaker 1: going to create feeling good. I'm going to build feeling

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Speaker 1: better about my life. I'm not going to look for it.

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to hope for it. I'm not going

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Speaker 1: to wish for it. That's a mindset shift in commitment

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Speaker 1: to how you live. Now I talk about keeping it.

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Speaker 1: I think keeping it is really important because in our

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Speaker 1: lives we sometimes find it easy to find that spark,

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Speaker 1: or maybe we don't, but maybe you feel some connection,

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Speaker 1: but then it wears away, you know, maybe it wears

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Speaker 1: away in a couple of months, maybe a couple of years,

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Speaker 1: maybe after ten years, maybe for some people after a

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Speaker 1: couple of decades. Keeping something is a lot harder than

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Speaker 1: creating it, right, Creating is easier than keeping. If you

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Speaker 1: look at the amount of businesses that are started versus

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Speaker 1: the amount of businesses that last, there's more started than

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Speaker 1: those that last. If you look at sports stars, athletes

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Speaker 1: who make a name for themselves and then second season,

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Speaker 1: third season, no one knows who they are anymore. If

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Speaker 1: you look at musicians who have their one hit wonder,

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Speaker 1: we have that statement one hit wonder because you have

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Speaker 1: that one hit wonder, and then people don't know who

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Speaker 1: you are anymore. So starting something is hard, but keeping

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Speaker 1: it going is harder. Maintenance is way harder. Right, you

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Speaker 1: can build a beautiful building, but trying to keep it

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Speaker 1: beautiful is so much harder. The amount of refurbishment it takes,

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Speaker 1: the amount of revamping it takes, the redecorating it takes.

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Speaker 1: So I place a lot of emphasis on this book,

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Speaker 1: not just on finding and creating love, but on keeping it,

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Speaker 1: on keeping it beautiful and keeping it wonderful, and keeping

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Speaker 1: it exciting. I think the mindset shift here is that

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Speaker 1: we have this belief that everything should just stay the same.

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Speaker 1: I loved how things were when we met. Our first

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Speaker 1: date was incredible, Let's recreate it. Our wedding day was

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Speaker 1: the best. I wish we were back there. Life becomes

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Speaker 1: about reliving old memories rather than building new memories. And

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Speaker 1: I think that's one of our biggest, biggest mistakes in life,

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Speaker 1: is that we're so stuck in the nostalgia of the past.

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Speaker 1: We're so glued to how things used to be when

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Speaker 1: they weren't even that great back then, that we elude

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Speaker 1: ourselves to only trying to recreate memories, not create new ones.

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Speaker 1: And that's why I wanted to talk about how to

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Speaker 1: keep things fresh, how to keep things alive, and how

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Speaker 1: to make things feel like they're organically growing. And that's

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Speaker 1: the funny thing, right, things are only exciting when they're growing.

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Speaker 1: Like you know, when you were a kid, probably like

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Speaker 1: maybe your parents had a measure to see how tall

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Speaker 1: you were growing, or maybe you were one of those

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Speaker 1: families where your parents allowed you to like scribble on

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Speaker 1: the wall above your head, and then they watched you grow.

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Speaker 1: And it's so exciting when you're getting a little bit taller,

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Speaker 1: or you're growing in classes. And what I realized is

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Speaker 1: that when most of us leave college, or if you

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Speaker 1: didn't go to college and you quit before. From that

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Speaker 1: point on, there's no measurement anymore. Therefore we don't feel

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Speaker 1: any growth anymore. That's why we don't feel we're moving forward.

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Speaker 1: Up until eighteen or twenty one, or sixteen or eighteen

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Speaker 1: or twenty one, whenever you dropped out of school sixteen,

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Speaker 1: eighteen or twenty one, Up until that point, there was

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Speaker 1: growth in your life. There was exams, there were tests,

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Speaker 1: there were classes, there was a new year. Starting after

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Speaker 1: twenty one, you practically lived the same life year after

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Speaker 1: year or after year. And so if you don't set growth,

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Speaker 1: if you don't set new targets, if you don't set

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Speaker 1: new organic milestones, that's why life becomes boring. And that's

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Speaker 1: the same thing that happens after marriage. It's the same

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Speaker 1: thing that happens after you move in with someone. It's

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Speaker 1: like you lose the next milestone. When you lose the

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Speaker 1: next external milestone, you have to set new internal milestones.

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Speaker 1: This is a huge mindset shift. I can't express this

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Speaker 1: enough that keeping something is not about keeping it the same.

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Speaker 1: Keeping something is about being open to change. Remember this,

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Speaker 1: write it down. Keeping something is not about keeping it

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Speaker 1: the same, Keeping something is about being open to change,

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Speaker 1: open to change, creating change, choosing change. And in this book,

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Speaker 1: I'll share with you how you can practically do that.

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Speaker 1: The book is filled with practical tools, insights, work areas, brainstorms,

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Speaker 1: activities you can do on your own or with a

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Speaker 1: partner if you have one. There's so many aspects to it.

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Speaker 1: The third part of the subtile the people i'men asking

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Speaker 1: about is how to let it go? I was like, Jay,

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Speaker 1: how do you how do you let love go? Like?

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Speaker 1: I don't want to let love go? Like? Or I

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Speaker 1: do want to let love go and I don't know

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Speaker 1: how to. And I really thought it was important in

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Speaker 1: this book to address this idea that there's a beautiful

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Speaker 1: Arabic proverb that says, what is meant for you will

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Speaker 1: never miss you, and what misses you was never meant

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Speaker 1: for you. And to me, living with that faith, living

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Speaker 1: with that confidence creates a whole new mindset again in

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Speaker 1: our lives. So if you notice, the subtile focuses on

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Speaker 1: three key mindset shifts in life that are required for

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Speaker 1: us to have healthy relationships. Because sometimes someone comes into

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Speaker 1: our life teaches us a lesson, it moves on. Sometimes

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Speaker 1: someone comes into our life gives us a blessing, it

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Speaker 1: moves on. Sometimes someone comes into our life and messes

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Speaker 1: it up and moves on right. And so whether it's

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Speaker 1: a mess, a lesson, or a blessing, it's not something

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Speaker 1: we can control. But recognizing the difference between someone give

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Speaker 1: us a blessing, someone giving us a lesson, and someone

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Speaker 1: giving us a mess allows us to recognize that each

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Speaker 1: one was designed to help us learn a particular part

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Speaker 1: of that. So that's the insight on the subtitles, the title,

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Speaker 1: the number of rules. And now I want to answer

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Speaker 1: some questions which I think you're going to really enjoy that.

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Speaker 1: I was asked recently about the book from all of

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Speaker 1: you on Instagram as well. So one of the biggest

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Speaker 1: questions was why have I written a book about love

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Speaker 1: right now? And I'd say there are a million reasons.

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Speaker 1: Over the last few years, all the podcasts I've done

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Speaker 1: on love and relationships, all of you have listened to

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Speaker 1: them the most. The videos that I made on love

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Speaker 1: and relationships for years, all of you have watched them

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Speaker 1: the most. You've shown me through how you connect and

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Speaker 1: resonate with the work I'm putting out that this is

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Speaker 1: a issue in your life. When I talk to people,

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Speaker 1: whether they are upcoming, successful entrepreneurs, whether they're established, whether

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Speaker 1: you're just starting out, whether you're working at a company,

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Speaker 1: the number one thing I hear from people is just

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Speaker 1: I'm dissatisfied with my relationship. I'm so unhappy that I

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Speaker 1: haven't found someone like. This seems to be something that

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Speaker 1: weighs on our generation differently. It hits differently. It's a

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Speaker 1: gap in our lives. It's an inadequate feeling, it's an

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Speaker 1: incomplete feeling that we experience when our relationships are not fulfilled.

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Speaker 1: And so I really believe that it was such an

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Speaker 1: important topic to write about, and I honestly have learned

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Speaker 1: so much more about love through writing this book that

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Speaker 1: it has been an honor and a blessing in my

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Speaker 1: life to have this opportunity. And American novelist Jamie McGuire

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Speaker 1: said that love is the most overused word in the

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Speaker 1: English dictionary. I believe it's the most underdefined. We yeah

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Speaker 1: most of our messages about love from media, from movies,

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Speaker 1: from music, from our parents, and lots of them are

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Speaker 1: either inaccurate or unhealthy, or at best, they're limited. And

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Speaker 1: Tim Lomas a psychologist at Harvard analyzed fifty different languages

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Speaker 1: and discovered fourteen types of love. I mean, most of

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Speaker 1: us maybe think there are two or three kinds of love,

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Speaker 1: like romantic love, family love, and maybe the way you

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Speaker 1: love your dog or really good chocolate like me. But

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Speaker 1: in all of it, we're missing a lot of what

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Speaker 1: love is really about. So I wrote this book because

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Speaker 1: I wanted to share the eight rules that I've learned

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Speaker 1: through different cultures, ancient wisdom and modern science that will

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Speaker 1: help at any stage of your pursuit of love. So

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Speaker 1: I want you to have your own definition of love

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Speaker 1: when you read this book. I want you to actually

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Speaker 1: understand what love means to you, because it means something

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Speaker 1: very different to everyone else, and we've been using everyone

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Speaker 1: else's poorly formed definitions of love to define our own.

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Speaker 1: Another question I got recently was if I just got married, J,

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Speaker 1: what's your best advice for me? So if I was

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Speaker 1: to offer one piece of advice, I'd say, expect your

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Speaker 1: relationship to change, and hope for it to change, and

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Speaker 1: even work to make sure it changes. We tend to

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Speaker 1: have this idea that our wedding day is a finish line.

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Speaker 1: We found the one and the reality is that it's

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Speaker 1: a starting line, not a finish line. And the thing is,

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Speaker 1: with a regular run, like in a marathon, you'd know

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Speaker 1: the course, but with marriage and any relationship, you have

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Speaker 1: no idea what you'll encounter. So there's a lot of

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Speaker 1: learning and growth that needs to take place so you

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Speaker 1: can navigate it together and get better ready as you go.

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Speaker 1: And so instead of getting married and having a hope

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Speaker 1: or expectation that you and your partner and your relationship

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Speaker 1: will always stay the same, expect to be challenged, expect

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Speaker 1: to fail, and try and embrace those experiences. If you

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Speaker 1: always orient yourself towards growth, even your stumbles will become

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Speaker 1: ways to move forward. So I find that again another

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Speaker 1: life mindset shift. We kind of get to this place

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Speaker 1: where we're like, Okay, from today, everything's going to be good.

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Speaker 1: Like from today, I'm going to eat healthy every day.

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Speaker 1: From today, I'm going to meditate the best every day.

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Speaker 1: From today, everything's going to be amazing. And the reality is, sure,

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Speaker 1: that's a nice cute mindset to have. The reality is

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Speaker 1: I will fail, things will go wrong. So if I

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Speaker 1: know that, then I'll be able to pivot and readjust again.

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Speaker 1: But if I believe everything's going to be perfect. I'm

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Speaker 1: actually setting myself up for a greater downfall. Okay, this

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Speaker 1: question was really powerful, Jay. What if I just like

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Speaker 1: being alone. I don't want to be in love. I

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Speaker 1: don't believe in it. So I'd say that you actually

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Speaker 1: have an interesting view of love. So when I was

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Speaker 1: a monk, and when I became a monk, I thought

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Speaker 1: I'd be one for the rest of my life. And

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Speaker 1: I definitely do not believe that you have to have

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Speaker 1: a romantic partner to experience love. I experience so much

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Speaker 1: love living as a monk within and with my fellow monks,

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Speaker 1: that it wasn't something that I now have an issue about.

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Speaker 1: Like I think, for a long time, we're made to

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Speaker 1: believe that if you're not with someone, then you can't

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Speaker 1: experience love. So, in fact, one of the greatest forms

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Speaker 1: of love and the most foundational, is love for ourself.

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Speaker 1: And what I've realized is love for ourself doesn't come

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Speaker 1: through confidence or self esteem or self love. It comes

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Speaker 1: from self respect. Right. You'll learn to love yourself when

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Speaker 1: you respect yourself, and you'll learn to respect yourself when

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Speaker 1: you follow up with what you commit to. If you

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Speaker 1: do challenging things. If you try something new, if you

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Speaker 1: follow up with a commitment, you will start to respect yourself.

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Speaker 1: And when you start to respect yourself, you will start

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Speaker 1: to love yourself. Love starts with respect. Psychologist Karen Aunt

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Speaker 1: says being alone well is an art form. Sadly, as

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Speaker 1: we grow up, we're taught only other people can provide

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Speaker 1: the love we're looking for, and that's one of the

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Speaker 1: biggest reasons so many of us feel lonely or Ja

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Speaker 1: did about love when people don't live up to our expectations,

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Speaker 1: we feel let down. Instead, we can learn the art

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Speaker 1: of being alone, and that includes learning how to provide

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Speaker 1: that love to ourselves. So someone said to me, Joe,

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Speaker 1: what am I going to learn from this book? There

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Speaker 1: are some really practical tools inside this book with questionnaires

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Speaker 1: with quizzes that are going to help you understand unique

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Speaker 1: parts of yourself and your partner. So this includes your

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Speaker 1: fight style, your learning style, how you like to receive love,

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Speaker 1: your values, your purpose. All of that is packed into

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Speaker 1: this book to help you gain insights on that. Now,

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Speaker 1: another question I got asked is, Joe, what do you

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Speaker 1: think about apps? Like, what do you think about the

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Speaker 1: online world? Now? It comes to dating apps, I agree

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Speaker 1: that they can be problematic, but I don't think it's

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Speaker 1: the app that's problematic. It's how we use it and

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Speaker 1: how we think about it that causes a challenge. So

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Speaker 1: one study showed that more than half of online data

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Speaker 1: is lied in their profiles. Also, having so many options

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Speaker 1: that our fingertips can lead to a phenomenon researchers called

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Speaker 1: relation shopping, where we can be more critical of potential

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Speaker 1: partners or put less into relationships because of this perception

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Speaker 1: that we can just swipe to find someone else. So

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Speaker 1: several studies show that we make worse decisions when we

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Speaker 1: have more choice, and that's where we have to start

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Speaker 1: understanding that it's less about how many can I get through,

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Speaker 1: and it's more about how deeply can I learn about someone.

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Speaker 1: I think when we look at it as like swipe left,

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00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,399
Speaker 1: swipe right, when we look at it just moving on,

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00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:52,959
Speaker 1: when we look at it like oh, there's more options,

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00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:57,720
Speaker 1: we actually stop ourselves from creating the investment that's required

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00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:02,919
Speaker 1: to see a benefit. So that said pretty much all technology.

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00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:06,040
Speaker 1: I think it's more about the user than the technology,

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00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:08,840
Speaker 1: And yes, we have to work harder to use technology

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00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:11,439
Speaker 1: to our favor, but there are absolutely ways to use

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00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:13,720
Speaker 1: dating apps that are way more healthy, and I talk

439
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:17,960
Speaker 1: about them in the book. And it requires a clear intention, openness,

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00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:21,320
Speaker 1: and a high tolerance for rejection. And I think that

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00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,919
Speaker 1: last part is what is actually stopping us. Our ego

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00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:28,080
Speaker 1: is so scared of being rejected that we're scared of

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00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:34,320
Speaker 1: putting ourselves out there. And I think for me, I

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00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:36,680
Speaker 1: grew up with a lot of rejection when I was younger,

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00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:42,240
Speaker 1: so I got used to it and that really helped

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00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:45,160
Speaker 1: me recognize how it was a normal part of life.

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00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:48,240
Speaker 1: And I think we think of rejection as something's going wrong.

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00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:51,840
Speaker 1: In reality, everyone you look up to, everyone you admire,

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00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:55,360
Speaker 1: even people who you see in successful relationships, have experienced

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00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:59,680
Speaker 1: rejection in their own way. And so I really truly

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00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:05,080
Speaker 1: believe that being open to hearing no allows us to

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00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:08,280
Speaker 1: find that one yes that actually makes a difference. And

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Speaker 1: I want to end on one last question, which was

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Speaker 1: you know, what's something that might surprise you about the

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00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:17,679
Speaker 1: book or where the book goes or the direction that

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00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:20,440
Speaker 1: it turns in. And I'd say it's that we so

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00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:23,000
Speaker 1: often talk about love like it's so hard to find,

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00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:27,560
Speaker 1: but in reality, it's truly everywhere. Romance is only one

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00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:31,359
Speaker 1: type of love. The reality is that opportunities to experience

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00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:34,359
Speaker 1: it are endless, and one of the easiest ways to

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00:27:34,359 --> 00:27:37,280
Speaker 1: experience love is to share it. Hold a door for

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00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:41,760
Speaker 1: someone or for a smarter stranger, bring a sick person soup,

463
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:45,760
Speaker 1: walk dogs at the shelter. Love is always right here

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00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:49,919
Speaker 1: waiting for you. You're not waiting for it. Thank you

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00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:53,080
Speaker 1: everyone for listening to today. I am so grateful that

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00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:55,800
Speaker 1: you spend this time with me. I really hope that

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00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:58,600
Speaker 1: you're going to go in pre order my second book,

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00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 1: my new book, Eight Rules of Love. All you have

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00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:04,119
Speaker 1: to do is go to eight Rules Oflove dot com.

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00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:06,800
Speaker 1: I know thousands of you've already ordered it. Thank you

471
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:09,600
Speaker 1: so much for I'll Let Love. But I am so

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00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:11,679
Speaker 1: excited for you to read this book. I promise you

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00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:15,440
Speaker 1: it's going to be a game changer. I have so

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00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:19,080
Speaker 1: much faith and belief in the work and the research

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00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:21,280
Speaker 1: we did to put this book together, and I can't

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00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:22,679
Speaker 1: wait for you to have in your hands. I know

477
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:25,639
Speaker 1: it's not out till thirty five to January, but please

478
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:28,560
Speaker 1: do preorder it right now. I'm so excited to read

479
00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:29,959
Speaker 1: it with you when it's out. Thank you