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Speaker 1: becoming stronger and stronger in the world because we are

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Speaker 1: in more demand of the people around us. You're always

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Speaker 1: reachable on your phone, someone can always find you wherever

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Speaker 1: you are, Someone's always emailing you at any point in

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Speaker 1: the day, and so there's very few times in the

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Speaker 1: day now that we actually have time to ourselves, and

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Speaker 1: that time to ourselfs actually fuels and powers all the

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Speaker 1: time we spend with everyone else. Hey, everyone, welcome back

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Speaker 1: to on Purpose. It is twenty twenty two, and you

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Speaker 1: have turned up. It has been phenomenal to see hundreds

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Speaker 1: of thousands of you, millions of you listening to on

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Speaker 1: Purpose every day and every week. And I can tell

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Speaker 1: that each and every one of you want to make

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty two a different year. I can see it already.

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Speaker 1: I can see the reviews. I can see the way

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Speaker 1: you're listening. I can see the way you're turning up.

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Speaker 1: I see you posting one Instagram, and I can see

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Speaker 1: that you've dedicated, committed, invested to make twenty twenty two

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Speaker 1: better than last year. Now I'm sitting here right now

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Speaker 1: in the room I grew up in, in my parents'

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Speaker 1: home in London. I'm getting back to la very very soon.

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Speaker 1: I've just been visiting, spending time with family, spending time

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Speaker 1: with friends, seeing people that I haven't seen in a

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Speaker 1: very long time, and it's really been a beautiful experience

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Speaker 1: to reconnect with some of the most important relationships in

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Speaker 1: my life, whether it's my best man, some of my

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Speaker 1: closest friends growing up, of course, my mother and my sister,

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Speaker 1: my in laws, and our beautiful family that we have here.

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Speaker 1: And as I'm reconnecting, one of the things I realize

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Speaker 1: is that year upon year we forget that we have

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Speaker 1: to reconnect even with the people that we live with.

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Speaker 1: We have to reconnect even with the people that we

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Speaker 1: see often. We have to renew, we have to revive,

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Speaker 1: we have to create an energy that makes a space

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Speaker 1: where we can flourish and everyone around us can thrive.

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Speaker 1: And often in our loving relationships, in our romantic relationships,

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Speaker 1: things just continue to be the same, and this is

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Speaker 1: our hope. We almost hope that they stay the same.

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Speaker 1: I know all of you that had an amazing twenty

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Speaker 1: twenty one with a partner are saying, I really hope

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty two goes the same. And then for those

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Speaker 1: of you who are not in a relationship, I'm sure

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Speaker 1: you're thinking, well, I hope I can find someone this year.

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Speaker 1: I hope I can meet someone this year. But in

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Speaker 1: both those cases, if you do the same thing as

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Speaker 1: you did last year, things will not stay the same.

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Speaker 1: See when you do the same thing every single year

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Speaker 1: in the same approach, it doesn't sustain something because at

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Speaker 1: one point, your energy, your enthusiasm starts to dip, and

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Speaker 1: so the reward starts to dip as well. It is

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Speaker 1: so important to revive, to renew, to re energize the

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Speaker 1: relationships that matter in our life. Today, I want to

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Speaker 1: share with you the intentions, the practices that we need

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Speaker 1: in our relationships. Now, whether you're single or whether you're

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Speaker 1: in a relationship, you can apply this to your romantic relationships,

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Speaker 1: your professional relationships, your personal relationships. It truly grows across

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Speaker 1: the broad But I am also going to be speaking

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Speaker 1: about romantic and love based relationships because I think that's

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Speaker 1: sometimes where we need it the most, and those are

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Speaker 1: the relationships that have the biggest impact on our lives

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Speaker 1: because we're with that person every single day or seeing

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Speaker 1: them regularly at least, so let's start with number one.

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Speaker 1: The first thing I'm going to say that you want

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Speaker 1: to do the relationship that matters in your life. And

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Speaker 1: this applies to your partner, your spouse, your boyfriend, your girlfriend,

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Speaker 1: whoever it is is weekly checkens. Now, I know this

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Speaker 1: sounds corporate, it sounds professional, it sounds very un relationship

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Speaker 1: love like. Well, here's the truth. It is very busy

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Speaker 1: during the week. I'm sure you feel that you don't

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Speaker 1: even get to some time to yourself, let alone time

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Speaker 1: with your partner. You're rushing around, you're doing the chores,

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Speaker 1: you're taking the kids here and there, You're, you know,

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Speaker 1: just immersed in your own life. And the idea that

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Speaker 1: someone is going to every day, sit down, be present

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Speaker 1: listen to me. In today's world, I actually think it's

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Speaker 1: a lot of pressure. And often I'll hear clients say

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Speaker 1: to me, oh, but she doesn't have time on a

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Speaker 1: daily basis, and I ask them more, how much time

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Speaker 1: do you have? And they say, well, I might have

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Speaker 1: at least fifteen minutes, And I think, well, the mind

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Speaker 1: space that it takes to be present for someone else

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Speaker 1: for fifteen minutes when we all don't have fifteen minutes

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Speaker 1: for ourselves makes it really difficult to bring someone's energy there. Right.

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Speaker 1: If you imagine that you've been on one hundred miles

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Speaker 1: per hour at work, you've been on one hundred miles

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Speaker 1: per hour at home, and all of a sudden someone saying, well,

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Speaker 1: can you just slow down and spend fifteen minutes with me? Now,

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Speaker 1: you may say, well, everyone should be able to do

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Speaker 1: that if they love you, and I'm not disagreeing with

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Speaker 1: that as one of your values. But what I am

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Speaker 1: saying is having a weekly check in takes the pressure

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Speaker 1: off on a daily basis and gives the opportunity for

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Speaker 1: a deep, meaningful connection, and that's what we're all truly

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Speaker 1: looking for. We think what we're looking for is the

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Speaker 1: quick fix. As long as we see each other for

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Speaker 1: ten minutes a day, everything's gonna be great. But the

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Speaker 1: truth is that we miss the depth in that moment.

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Speaker 1: We miss the depth in that connection, and the depth

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Speaker 1: is really what satisfies us now. A lot of what

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Speaker 1: I'm going to be sharing in this episode, including this

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Speaker 1: one with the weekly check in, and I'm going to

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Speaker 1: dive into it a bit deeper, is this idea of

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Speaker 1: sentiment versus systems. A lot of us like to build

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Speaker 1: our relationship based on sentiments or sentimentality. If you love me,

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Speaker 1: you'll do this. Well, you chose to be with me,

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Speaker 1: Well you know if we're in this together. These are

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Speaker 1: all sentimental statements. And often our sentiments make us wait

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Speaker 1: for the other person to prove themselves. We're waiting for

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Speaker 1: the other person to create a plan of action. We're

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Speaker 1: waiting for the other person to say the right thing,

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Speaker 1: or do the right thing, or ask the right thing.

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Speaker 1: And sentiments lead to disappointments. Sentiments lead to disappointments because

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Speaker 1: they have no structure. They are an expectation without a system.

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Speaker 1: And so just like a company culture can often have

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Speaker 1: too many systems and not enough sentiment. So when I'm

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Speaker 1: speaking at a corporate company, I'm recommending that they bring

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Speaker 1: in more sentiment. They bring in more of that heart,

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Speaker 1: they bring in more of that love, that empathy, the vulnerability,

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Speaker 1: that compassion. But often in our personal relationships were so

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Speaker 1: deeply ingrained in the sentiments that we haven't created any systems.

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Speaker 1: So the creating of a weekly check in is creating

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Speaker 1: a system. And in this weekly check in, you could

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Speaker 1: answer three questions, and of course you can edit these

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Speaker 1: questions as time goes on, what has been your highlight

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Speaker 1: of the week, what has been the toughest thing of

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Speaker 1: this week? And how can I help you? These three

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Speaker 1: questions create such a beautiful foundation on which to build

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Speaker 1: a real relationship. When I've done this activity with rather

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Speaker 1: in the past and she asks me, what's been your

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Speaker 1: highlight this week? Well, I'll say, well, I just interviewed

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Speaker 1: this incredible person on the podcast and I can't wait

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Speaker 1: for everyone to hear it. And then I did this

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Speaker 1: solo episode and I was really in the zone and

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Speaker 1: I really connected with my community, and that made me

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Speaker 1: feel really excited. And then she'll say, well, what's been

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Speaker 1: tough for you? And I'll say, you know what, I've

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Speaker 1: just she said a lot on lately, and I'm feeling

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Speaker 1: a bit tired. I know I need to get to

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Speaker 1: bed a little earlier. I may not have enough energy

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Speaker 1: this weekend to do anything too strenuous. I may need

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Speaker 1: a relaxing weekend. And she says, well, how can I

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Speaker 1: help you? And I say, you know what would really

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Speaker 1: help me, It's just you know that this week I'm

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Speaker 1: dealing with a lot And if you ever talk to

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Speaker 1: me and you approach me and I'm snappy or I

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Speaker 1: get triggered. I just want you to know it's not you,

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Speaker 1: it's me, and I want you to know that when

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Speaker 1: I do act in that way, give me the benefit

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Speaker 1: of the doubt and say, hey, cheers this because you've

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Speaker 1: got a lot on right now, and chances are I'll

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Speaker 1: be able to answer that and just feel really understood,

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Speaker 1: and that would really help me. Notice how the help

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Speaker 1: I was asking for was not asking her to do something.

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Speaker 1: Help doesn't mean can you sort this out for me?

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Speaker 1: Can you do this for me? And often what we

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Speaker 1: do with our partners is we request physical help, but

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Speaker 1: not mental and emotional help. Requesting mental and emotional help

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Speaker 1: is far stronger. If I asked Riley, oh, well, can

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Speaker 1: you do this chore for me, our partner may end

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Speaker 1: up feeling that we just don't want to do our chores,

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Speaker 1: Whereas when I say, can you just understand that if

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Speaker 1: I do things a bit slower this week or I'm

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Speaker 1: a bit late this week, I just want you to

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Speaker 1: know why. And I think this is what those weekly

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Speaker 1: checkings are about. It's helping your partner understand why you're

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Speaker 1: doing things the way you're doing them. Often we're just

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Speaker 1: doing things like maybe we haven't cleaned up, or maybe

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Speaker 1: we forgot to take the trash out. And if you're

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Speaker 1: not having this weekly checking with your partner, your partner

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Speaker 1: starts to notice a pattern. They start to think you

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Speaker 1: don't care. They may know that you're busy, but you're

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Speaker 1: not busy enough to explain why. And that's often what

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Speaker 1: our sentiment does. It says, well, you should understand why

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Speaker 1: I'm busy. You should know, you should be able to

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Speaker 1: see it. That's a sentiment. A system is We're going

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Speaker 1: to have a weekly check in where i explain to

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Speaker 1: you why I'm doing what I'm doing. So that weekly

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Speaker 1: check in, it just takes those three questions. It's really simple,

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Speaker 1: and you can do a smaller version before going to

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Speaker 1: bed if you like a smaller version of asking similar questions,

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Speaker 1: what are you grateful for today? You know, what did

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Speaker 1: you struggle with today? And how can I help you tomorrow?

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Speaker 1: Even having this conversation before you go to bed can

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Speaker 1: create such a beautiful bond between two people. The second

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Speaker 1: intention is to plan holidays and vacations in advance. A

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Speaker 1: lot of people are getting throughout their year and then

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Speaker 1: finally they realize seven months in that they haven't been

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Speaker 1: on a vacation, they haven't taken a break, and then

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Speaker 1: they're trying to book last minute, and then that gets stressful.

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Speaker 1: Then maybe you don't get the hotel you want, the

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Speaker 1: flight you want, or the place you want, and then

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Speaker 1: there's this kind of discomfort or this disappointment around the

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Speaker 1: vacation now that's looming over. Oh, I wish i'd planned it,

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Speaker 1: I wish we booked this. Maybe we didn't get the

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Speaker 1: right dates. All of those kind of stresses that almost

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Speaker 1: make your vacation not feel like a vacation. So what

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Speaker 1: I'd love for you to do is look at the

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Speaker 1: arrowhead and in that year, I want you to think

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Speaker 1: about where are you planning your major vacation and where

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Speaker 1: are you going to take mini breaks? Now, depending on

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Speaker 1: your own budget, your own life set up, whatever situation

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Speaker 1: you're in, you need to think about having a longer

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Speaker 1: vacation for yourself to truly refuel. And I want you

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Speaker 1: to consider mini breaks. And when I say a mini break,

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Speaker 1: it could be a day, right, it could be just

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Speaker 1: driving out of town. It could be two nights, it

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Speaker 1: could be a weekend. Whatever is realistic for you. I

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Speaker 1: really believe that a mini break, whether it's a day

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Speaker 1: or two days every quarter allows for that revival ularly,

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Speaker 1: and then having one vacation of maybe five to six

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Speaker 1: days seven days can be a really good way of

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Speaker 1: reboosting your energy. And when you look at your calendar

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Speaker 1: now and you plan this in advance, not only does

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Speaker 1: it give you something to look forward to, it ensures

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Speaker 1: that you are taking touch points. You are having these

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Speaker 1: milestones as a way of reflecting on the year. Sometimes

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Speaker 1: we get a Christmas or New Year's and we say,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, the year went so fast, I don't

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Speaker 1: even know where it went by, what did I even do?

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Speaker 1: And then I think, wow, January is actually a great month,

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Speaker 1: but I forgot about it because the last two months

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Speaker 1: have been tough. Wow is that what we did in May?

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Speaker 1: So if you're quarterly reflecting, reviewing, and renewing, you're keeping

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Speaker 1: that positive energy throughout the year. If you had a

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Speaker 1: tough couple of months at the beginning of the year

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Speaker 1: and you take a mini break, which is a day

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Speaker 1: a weekend to do something that is meaningful to you

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Speaker 1: and to reflect, to review and to renew, guess what

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Speaker 1: the next three months are going to be far more

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Speaker 1: filled with positive energy. And now if you have that

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Speaker 1: positive energy and then you take another mini break, you're

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Speaker 1: going to be able to keep that going. And So

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Speaker 1: what I often find is this idea of planning in advance.

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Speaker 1: It's something we want to do, but we don't always

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Speaker 1: do it because we don't see the value in it.

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Speaker 1: We think, oh, yeah, we'll get cheaper prices or cheaper hotels,

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Speaker 1: cheaper flights. That's great, that's really important. But even more

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Speaker 1: important is figuring out a way that you can keep

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Speaker 1: your powerful positive energy maintained throughout the year. I always

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Speaker 1: really like us to start focusing on protecting the mind.

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Speaker 1: I know we focused on protecting the pocket, which is

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Speaker 1: really important, but it's also really important to protect the mind.

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Speaker 1: And often we forego the protection of the mind because

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Speaker 1: we're too obsessed with all the physical aspects. Now, this

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Speaker 1: one really really made an impact when I started researching it.

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Speaker 1: We have to establish new responsibilities and new division of labor,

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Speaker 1: division of chores around the house. This study from the

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Speaker 1: Pew Reset Center said that for American couples, gender gaps

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Speaker 1: in sharing household responsibilities persist amid the pandemic as of October,

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Speaker 1: fifty five percent of men say they are very satisfied

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Speaker 1: with this aspect of their relationship, compared with thirty eight

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Speaker 1: percent of women. And that is the way household chores

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Speaker 1: are divided, So men seem to be happy with the

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Speaker 1: way they divided. Women don't. And another area where gender

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Speaker 1: patterns have shifted is in views about how well spouses

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Speaker 1: or partners are balancing work and personal life. Among married

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Speaker 1: or cohabiting adults with a working spouse or partner, men

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Speaker 1: forty eight percent are more likely than women forty percent

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Speaker 1: to be very satisfied with this aspect of their relationship.

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Speaker 1: So what I find is interesting about the division of

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Speaker 1: labor and division of chores in the home is this

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Speaker 1: idea that it's really easy to get st in our

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Speaker 1: ways and think, oh, yeah, but you've always done that, right,

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Speaker 1: I've always done this, And I think it's imperative that

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Speaker 1: you sit down with your partner and you redefine chores,

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Speaker 1: redefined responsibilities. This would happen in a job too, and

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Speaker 1: this is healthy in a job too. It's figuring out, well,

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Speaker 1: what are we going to do new this year? What

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Speaker 1: are we doing next this year? And if you don't

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Speaker 1: have this conversation, chances are that someone could be in

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Speaker 1: the home feeling used, feeling undervalued, And that's really what

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Speaker 1: we're focusing on here, is you don't want to let

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Speaker 1: someone feel that for too long a time. And I

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Speaker 1: know that Riley and I we've been back in London

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Speaker 1: and we haven't seen much of each other over the

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Speaker 1: last three weeks because she's been catching up with her parents,

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Speaker 1: I've been with mine, and I know that when we

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Speaker 1: get back to la the number one thing I want

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Speaker 1: to do is re established like what we want to create,

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Speaker 1: what we want to do, how I can be helpful,

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Speaker 1: how I can be useful to her, And I know

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Speaker 1: what that does is that creates this injection of strength

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Speaker 1: and excitement within a relationship. The fourth step is make

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Speaker 1: sure you discuss alone time. A lot of the time,

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Speaker 1: when we want alone time, we make time for it. Well,

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Speaker 1: a lot of people don't even make time for it.

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Speaker 1: So first of all, this is the year where I

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Speaker 1: want you to make sure you make time for yourself

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Speaker 1: because during the pandemic, of course we're all locked in,

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Speaker 1: we're in the same space. I think alone time decreased massively.

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Speaker 1: And the thing about alone time, especially for someone who's

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Speaker 1: more reserved. It's highly rejuvenating. We've known for a long

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Speaker 1: time that extrats get their energy from being around people,

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Speaker 1: but introverts get their energy from being around themselves. And

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Speaker 1: I think that idea of being around yourself is becoming

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Speaker 1: stronger and stronger in the world because we are in

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Speaker 1: more demand of the people around us. You're always reachable

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Speaker 1: on your phone, someone can always find you wherever you are.

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Speaker 1: Someone's always emailing you at any point in the day,

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Speaker 1: and so there's very few times in the day now

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Speaker 1: that we actually have time to ourself, and that time

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Speaker 1: to ourself actually fuels empowers all the time we spend

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Speaker 1: with everyone else. So if we sometimes feel that we're

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Speaker 1: always agitated, stress, distracted, not focused, it's because of how

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Speaker 1: we spend the time when we're by ourself. That time,

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Speaker 1: whether it's used for meditation, whether it's used for reading

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Speaker 1: a book, whether it's used for just being present with ourself,

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Speaker 1: is so powerful. But here's the thing. If you're taking

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Speaker 1: it without explaining it to your partner, chances are they're

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Speaker 1: feeling like you don't want to spend time with them

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Speaker 1: when that isn't the case. Hopefully the case is it's

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Speaker 1: not that I don't want to spend time with you,

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Speaker 1: It's that I prioritize spending time with myself for this

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Speaker 1: much time. Notice how those are two different things. I'm

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Speaker 1: being pulled by the attraction to spend time with myself

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Speaker 1: rather than pushed away from being with my partner. But

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Speaker 1: because of our trauma, because of our baggage, because of

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Speaker 1: our past, A lot of the time time when that

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Speaker 1: happens in a relationship, a person in their own insecurity

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Speaker 1: starts to believe that we don't want to spend time

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Speaker 1: with them, that they are less valuable, that they are

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Speaker 1: not worthy of our time, that we have something more

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Speaker 1: important to do. It isn't more important, it is central

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Speaker 1: to our lives. There's something really interesting. We look at

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Speaker 1: things as binary, unimportant or important, but really it's circles

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Speaker 1: degrees of focus in our life. If we don't focus

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Speaker 1: on ourselves, what do we have to give to anyone else?

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Speaker 1: And our alone time brings us up and our confidence

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Speaker 1: up to come back to say, hey, here's what I

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Speaker 1: learned today, here's what I did today, here's what I

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Speaker 1: experienced today. And so as much as we need to

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Speaker 1: discuss alone tim, we also need to discuss and plan

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Speaker 1: together time. And I think that's the point that often

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Speaker 1: we don't do either we default into spending time with

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Speaker 1: ourselves or we default into spending time together. And the

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Speaker 1: idea is that more that we can be intentional about, Hey,

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Speaker 1: here's what I'm doing this week. Let me let you

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Speaker 1: know when I'm doing it. So me and rather you

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Speaker 1: have this where she will tell me if she's planning

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Speaker 1: a girl's night or hanging out with the friends, or

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Speaker 1: even spending time alone, and she'll say, look, Tuesdays my night.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, fine, tuesdays to night. I'm

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Speaker 1: going to try and spend time with my friends too.

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Speaker 1: That way we can be together on Wednesday. And I

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Speaker 1: think a ratio that's really worked for me and her

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Speaker 1: is that I know that one day a week I

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Speaker 1: need to spend time alone, and she kind of feels

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Speaker 1: the same that one evening a week she needs to

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Speaker 1: spend alone. Now, there may be two nights a week

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Speaker 1: that we spend together, right, So that's three nights out

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Speaker 1: of the week, and we're going to plan those. And

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Speaker 1: then there are about two nights that we may spend

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Speaker 1: with collective friends, right, seeing people that we know and love,

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Speaker 1: and that could be family too, And that takes you

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Speaker 1: to five and there's still two nights left. Those two

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Speaker 1: nights can be mixed. So you want to create a

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Speaker 1: ratio of time spend together, time spent alone, time spent

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Speaker 1: with the same friends, and time spent with our own friends.

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Speaker 1: So I may see my own friends once a week,

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Speaker 1: I may see myself once a week. I'm seeing rather

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Speaker 1: maybe two to probably three evenings a week, and then

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Speaker 1: we still have two evenings to spend time with friends.

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Speaker 1: Create a ratio of your evenings. It really helps you

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Speaker 1: define the amount of quality time you're getting together. And

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Speaker 1: then you want to define the activity as well. You

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Speaker 1: don't want to just say we're going to look for

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Speaker 1: something to watch if you haven't found something to watch.

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Speaker 1: Do not go down that road. It used to upset

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Speaker 1: me so much when we try and spend a night

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Speaker 1: and one and a half hours We'll be trying to

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Speaker 1: pick something to watch, and I'd think, well, I would

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Speaker 1: have actually preferred if you read a book. I read

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Speaker 1: a book, and then we just shared what we learned. Actually,

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Speaker 1: what I'd prefer is if we watched a workshop together

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Speaker 1: or a seminar or an interview or a podcast together. Actually,

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Speaker 1: what I probably would have preferred is if we just

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Speaker 1: went on a walk together, if that was possible, Just

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Speaker 1: going on a walk together, doing something health and wellness

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Speaker 1: based together can be so powerful. The next point is

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Speaker 1: is a really interesting one. Choose questions you want to

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Speaker 1: be asked and the ones you want to answer. For

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Speaker 1: a long time, when I first got married to Rather,

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Speaker 1: she'd always ask me how did your day go? And

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Speaker 1: my response would always be like, I really don't want

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Speaker 1: to talk about my day, Like I really don't want

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Speaker 1: to talk about that. That's not what I want to

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Speaker 1: focus on. And what I found is that reaction and

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Speaker 1: response led to rally asking less and less questions, to

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Speaker 1: the point that then I was like, well, don't you

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Speaker 1: care about me? Now? Notice how it was my response

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Speaker 1: and reaction that created that. But then the ego and

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Speaker 1: the mind say, well, if you cared about me, you'd

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Speaker 1: know the right question to ask, and you should have

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Speaker 1: known what I meant by that. But the truth is,

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Speaker 1: no one knows what you meant by that. They get

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Speaker 1: scared that every time they ask you about something you

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Speaker 1: look upset, so now they stop doing it. So one

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Speaker 1: of the things I recommend to a lot of my

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Speaker 1: clients is choose the question you want to be asked

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Speaker 1: at the end of the day and inform your partner.

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Speaker 1: Educate your partner with that question, right, educate your partner

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Speaker 1: with that question. So I'll give an example some of

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Speaker 1: the questions I don't like answering, how was your day?

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Speaker 1: I don't enjoy that question. Personally, what do you want

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Speaker 1: for dinner? I don't enjoy that question. One of the

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Speaker 1: things I've always said to Rad is make whatever you want.

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Speaker 1: You're amazing. I will eat it, and I will be

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Speaker 1: happy and I'll be satisfied. Do not need to ask me,

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Speaker 1: because if you ask me, I'm going to choose something

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Speaker 1: unhealthy and I'm going to make it complicated. I'd rather

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Speaker 1: live a healthy, conscious life right now. With RADI sometimes

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Speaker 1: I'll say, too, well, you know, tell me a bit

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Speaker 1: about this amazing opportunity you have, or tell me about this,

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Speaker 1: or should we talk about what you've been up to

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Speaker 1: on social media? And she said, well, no, I don't

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Speaker 1: really want to talk about that with you, Like, that's

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Speaker 1: not what I want to talk about. So it's really

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Speaker 1: healthy because I think I'm being helpful. I think i'm

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Speaker 1: actually supporting her, but actually it's not what she wants.

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Speaker 1: That's not the kind of support she wants. So we

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Speaker 1: really have to educate our partners in the questions we

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Speaker 1: don't want to be asked, and we don't have to

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Speaker 1: take that personally or feel they're hiding something. It's the

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Speaker 1: idea that that triggers something uncomfortable in them, or they're

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Speaker 1: just tired and don't want to talk about it. So

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Speaker 1: then what do we want to talk about? What questions

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Speaker 1: do we like being asked? I think one of the

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Speaker 1: biggest questions I like being asked is it's something you've

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Speaker 1: learned this week. I really like that question because it

431
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:05,560
Speaker 1: helps me mine well, let me think about it. Who

432
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:08,240
Speaker 1: did I meet this week? Who did I interview this week?

433
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:10,400
Speaker 1: What did I read this week? And I love being

434
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:12,280
Speaker 1: able to reflect on that because I can often forget

435
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:16,240
Speaker 1: that right. And Radley loves asking questions about what she's

436
00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:20,000
Speaker 1: grateful for what she's learned as well. Notice how these

437
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:23,280
Speaker 1: are really powerful, practical, simple steps that you can put

438
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:26,119
Speaker 1: into place whoever you are, wherever you are in any relationship.

439
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:28,919
Speaker 1: This doesn't just apply to romantic relationships. You can do

440
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:31,240
Speaker 1: this in the workplace. You can do this with family,

441
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:35,040
Speaker 1: but it's about establishing systems over sentiments. Do not live

442
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:39,240
Speaker 1: your life trying to just sentimentally create a good space.

443
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:43,960
Speaker 1: Most likely it will not survive. It's the systems that survive.

444
00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:47,520
Speaker 1: So what's fascinating to me in the next step is

445
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:51,280
Speaker 1: that studies show that going to bed at the same

446
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:56,159
Speaker 1: time is extremely important for a relationship. And this, to

447
00:23:56,320 --> 00:24:01,159
Speaker 1: me is one of those hidden underrated elements. Now, when

448
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:05,399
Speaker 1: I met Rady with someone who's always woken up early

449
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:08,960
Speaker 1: and slept early, I'm someone who's generally woken up early

450
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:12,600
Speaker 1: or early ish compared to her, But my sleep term's

451
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,040
Speaker 1: kind of been varied, right, like some days I'll sleep late,

452
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:17,480
Speaker 1: some days I'll sleep early. This is before we started

453
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:21,480
Speaker 1: living together, and RADI was the one who's saying, well,

454
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:23,480
Speaker 1: why don't you sleep earlier. We'll be able to meditate more,

455
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:25,240
Speaker 1: we'll be able to be fresh. Show you know, why

456
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:26,760
Speaker 1: don't we go to sleep at the same time. And

457
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:30,040
Speaker 1: I didn't actually realize the benefit of this at the time.

458
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,520
Speaker 1: At the time, it completely didn't recognize what was happening.

459
00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:35,679
Speaker 1: And now when I look at all the studies, all

460
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:39,200
Speaker 1: the studies show that couples who go to sleep at

461
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:42,520
Speaker 1: the same time have healthier relationships. A survey carried out

462
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:44,679
Speaker 1: as shown the stats as regards to the number of

463
00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:47,359
Speaker 1: American couples who go to bed together. This study reveals

464
00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:50,840
Speaker 1: at about sixty percent of American couples sleep together. Really,

465
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:55,000
Speaker 1: what this does is that it creates a point of connection. Right.

466
00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:58,240
Speaker 1: It creates a point of connection and gives you the

467
00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:01,600
Speaker 1: opportunity to resolve differences. It also gives the idea of

468
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:06,520
Speaker 1: that we're connected. Right, we haven't done anything together today,

469
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:11,040
Speaker 1: We probably haven't even had time to eat together. But actually,

470
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:15,119
Speaker 1: this time together allows us to feel connected. It allows

471
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:18,119
Speaker 1: us to feel intimate. Marriage dot Com says that research

472
00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:21,120
Speaker 1: shows that couples will fall asleep together tend to experience

473
00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:23,919
Speaker 1: better rem sleep than couples who may not have this

474
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:27,040
Speaker 1: as a habit. M Rapid eye movement sleep is one

475
00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:29,480
Speaker 1: of the four sleep stages in which the eyes move

476
00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:33,679
Speaker 1: rapidly behind closed eyelids. During this stage, brain activity is

477
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:36,960
Speaker 1: at its peak, and the brain also works actively to

478
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:40,679
Speaker 1: replenish itself. Amazing, right that by going to sleep at

479
00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:43,600
Speaker 1: the same time as your partner, we're feeling that deep

480
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:46,880
Speaker 1: asleep as well. So I want you to really think

481
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,679
Speaker 1: about that. I know you'd rather watch TV, you need

482
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:51,879
Speaker 1: to catch up on work, I know all of those things.

483
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:54,640
Speaker 1: But what if this was going to be the thing

484
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:59,840
Speaker 1: that improved your relationship and, by the way, improved your health.

485
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:04,600
Speaker 1: If you can get to bed earlier together, that is

486
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:09,760
Speaker 1: going to create such an amazing routine. And routine leads

487
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 1: to a rhythm, and rhythm is what creates spontaneity. First,

488
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:16,640
Speaker 1: we have to start with structures, start with systems, Start

489
00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:19,560
Speaker 1: with routine. That routine creates a rhythm. We're going to

490
00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:21,959
Speaker 1: bed together every day. We can now create a routine

491
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:24,920
Speaker 1: around it. We can create a beautiful practice around that,

492
00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:28,840
Speaker 1: and then that leads to spontaneity and excitement. Creating an

493
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:32,879
Speaker 1: evening routine that you share together just before bed is

494
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:35,560
Speaker 1: such a beautiful and powerful thing. One of my favorite

495
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:39,720
Speaker 1: things is I get Rady to This sounds terrible now,

496
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:42,600
Speaker 1: but it's one of my favorite things to do. I'll

497
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,679
Speaker 1: get Raley to cleanse my face, show she has all

498
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:46,600
Speaker 1: of her stuff, and I'm like, okay, okay, dear to me,

499
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:49,480
Speaker 1: And it's just one of those things that we laugh about.

500
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:52,919
Speaker 1: Should be a complete kid about it and you know,

501
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:54,639
Speaker 1: put it all over my hair and beard and all

502
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:57,119
Speaker 1: the rest of it. But it's just the idea of

503
00:26:57,119 --> 00:27:02,160
Speaker 1: it creates playfulness and creating evening routine together can be really,

504
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:06,080
Speaker 1: really truly powerful. Now, the final intention that I want

505
00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:09,400
Speaker 1: to share with you is something that requires really no

506
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:14,200
Speaker 1: change apart from a few words today. How you say

507
00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:18,359
Speaker 1: goodbye and how you say good morning, how you say

508
00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:23,320
Speaker 1: good night, and how you say good love matters. It

509
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:33,000
Speaker 1: truly matters. How you share those beginning and ending moments matter.

510
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:36,600
Speaker 1: If you could raise your game just for those two

511
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:40,560
Speaker 1: words good night, good morning, if you could be conscious

512
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:43,000
Speaker 1: instead of eighty percent of us look at our phones

513
00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:44,880
Speaker 1: first thing in the morning and the last thing at night.

514
00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:47,359
Speaker 1: After we see our partners at night and before we

515
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:50,040
Speaker 1: see them in the morning, our phone gets more FaceTime

516
00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:52,600
Speaker 1: than the people we love the most. What if you

517
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:55,080
Speaker 1: turned over and said a beautiful good morning. What if

518
00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:57,919
Speaker 1: you turned over and said a beautiful good night. What

519
00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,920
Speaker 1: if every time we say goodbye before work that there

520
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:04,520
Speaker 1: was presence, attention and love in your eyes? How different

521
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:07,400
Speaker 1: would that feel. I make it a point that no

522
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:08,920
Speaker 1: matter where I am in the house, if I'm leaving

523
00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:11,720
Speaker 1: the house, I have to go up to rather give

524
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:13,200
Speaker 1: her a kiss and say hey, I love you. I'll

525
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:15,239
Speaker 1: see in a few hours. I have to do that

526
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:18,679
Speaker 1: because I just really feel that I would regret it

527
00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:22,720
Speaker 1: if I didn't, but also because it creates this beautiful,

528
00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:27,160
Speaker 1: beautiful connection and it just takes ten seconds, twenty seconds.

529
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:30,160
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode.

530
00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:32,960
Speaker 1: I am so grateful to each and every one of

531
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:36,080
Speaker 1: you for the love that you give on purpose these

532
00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:39,040
Speaker 1: solos for me. I hope that you're enjoying them. I'm

533
00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 1: really putting on my heart and soul into really mining

534
00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:44,480
Speaker 1: the things that I'm working on with clients, the things

535
00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:46,840
Speaker 1: behind the scenes that you may not hear about, and

536
00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:49,640
Speaker 1: giving you really practical insights and tips and tools that

537
00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:53,720
Speaker 1: you can practice and actually implement into your lives. And

538
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:55,960
Speaker 1: I think I see that because I see all the

539
00:28:56,080 --> 00:28:59,840
Speaker 1: incredible reviews that you're all leaving, and I want to

540
00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,520
Speaker 1: a few for you, because hey, this is why I

541
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:07,160
Speaker 1: do this. So this is from MW a work of art.

542
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:09,760
Speaker 1: Jay not only saved my life but also my relationship

543
00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:12,360
Speaker 1: with my partner. I value his episode with guests, but

544
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:15,040
Speaker 1: I listen a little extra and his solo episodes He

545
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:17,160
Speaker 1: is a part of my mindful moments, and he changed

546
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:20,120
Speaker 1: my life. I've been listening since the beginning, and I

547
00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:22,720
Speaker 1: was only a sophomore in high school. This is still

548
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,280
Speaker 1: the only podcast I've been able to consistently listen to.

549
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:28,040
Speaker 1: I feel like he's my good friend who always knows

550
00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:31,280
Speaker 1: just what to say to make me feel better and

551
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:33,640
Speaker 1: see things the way I need in that moment. He

552
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:35,760
Speaker 1: breaks things down so I can make small changes in

553
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:38,480
Speaker 1: my life that make a major difference. His book is

554
00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:41,040
Speaker 1: also phenomenal, and I've read it twice and got something

555
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:43,640
Speaker 1: different out of it each time. Thank you for changing

556
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:47,040
Speaker 1: my life. Wow, Wow, I am blown away. I just

557
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:48,760
Speaker 1: found that now. Literally I opened up the app and

558
00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:53,240
Speaker 1: I'm looking through. I am so grateful. This one is

559
00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:56,000
Speaker 1: from Antoinette Powell, getting to the heart of the matter.

560
00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:58,960
Speaker 1: That is what this podcast does. As painful or unpleasant

561
00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:01,440
Speaker 1: as it was to answer the nine questions with thoughtfulness

562
00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:05,160
Speaker 1: and honesty, it was also liberating. He's guiding your way

563
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:09,200
Speaker 1: from New Year's resolutions and towards ongoing improvement of how

564
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:12,360
Speaker 1: you think and make decisions, with the likelihood of much

565
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:15,840
Speaker 1: better outcomes and quality of life. Thank you, Jay, God

566
00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:19,080
Speaker 1: bless you for delivering such powerful and life changing perspectives.

567
00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:22,200
Speaker 1: Thank you. These are really melting my heart. It's been

568
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:24,400
Speaker 1: a while since I've opened these and read them, especially

569
00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:27,880
Speaker 1: live on a podcast. This one's from Matt B. I

570
00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:30,320
Speaker 1: love this. Please leave your names so that I can

571
00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:32,840
Speaker 1: shout you out. This is Matt B. Jay just started

572
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:34,920
Speaker 1: listening to your content. I want to say thank you

573
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:37,520
Speaker 1: for verbally giving shape to the things I was too

574
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:41,240
Speaker 1: tentative or scared to acknowledge. Love, launch and learn resonated

575
00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:44,040
Speaker 1: with me as a new entrepreneur and father of three.

576
00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:47,480
Speaker 1: Sometimes I feel like I'm swimming in open water without direction.

577
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:50,320
Speaker 1: Your latest podcast gave me confidence in what I am

578
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:52,640
Speaker 1: doing and why I'm doing it. Thank you and have

579
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:55,400
Speaker 1: a great twenty twenty two and beyond. I mean, there

580
00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:58,560
Speaker 1: are so many more here that I want to read

581
00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:01,640
Speaker 1: and that I want to share. But please give your names.

582
00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:03,200
Speaker 1: I love being able to give you a shout out.

583
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:05,120
Speaker 1: And by the way, if you see me, this happened

584
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:08,040
Speaker 1: this week. I bumped into someone who said, Jay, I

585
00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:09,640
Speaker 1: listened to you on the podcast and you said if

586
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:11,480
Speaker 1: you see me, come and give me a big hug.

587
00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:13,520
Speaker 1: And they did that, and it made me so happy,

588
00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:16,600
Speaker 1: and so that applies to each and everyone. Thank you

589
00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:19,680
Speaker 1: so much, everyone sending so much love your way, have

590
00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:21,880
Speaker 1: an amazing week, and I'll see you again next week